A bit frustrated.........

hummingbirddaisyOctober 11, 2005

I have been feeling a bit aggravated over some attitudes here at GW. I have been struggling whether or not I should say anything, but today I came to the conclusion, that if I don't say anything, than how can anything be resolved. Right?

I am not one for whining and complaining, and I don't look for sympathy (it makes me feel worthless to feel that someone thinks I am grasping for sympathy).I am, however, looking for a bit of understanding. I am not saying that I have not received ANY understanding, please do not take it that way. So, please do not think that what I am about to say, that sympathy is what I am searching for. I simply am trying to communicate my feelings and situation.

I signed onto GW early this past Spring. Over the course of the months that I have been here, I have done almost 500 trades in seeds and plants. I had never done anything like this before, so I went full speed ahead :-). I did very well with all of my trades, never getting behind or forgetting a trade for months. I have always tried to be generous with my trades, and expressed prior to sending when the amounts would be little or small. I have always tried to keep good communication going, sending and answering e-mails as quickly and as often as I could.

I have met some of the most wonderful, generous and genuine people here, and looked forward to signing on everyday, and would spend hours on this site, and e-mailing back and forth with people whom soon became very good friends. Besides my childrena dn husband, and taking walks through my gardens, GW was the light of my day.

With all of this being said, I am going to explain why all of this changed. My mom had a triple heart attack 6 years ago, and then had a stroke. It took several years for her to regain control of her leg's and arms, and remember how to write out a check, speak clearly, and remember past events. We thougth we was going to lose her. Somehow, by the grace of God, with only 20% of her heart functioning, she pulled through all of this with flying colors. Not without alot of time and work of course, but nonetheless, she did it. Not long after she began to get well, my dad got sick, and never really regained his health. We lost him on Sept. 18th 2001. I never got the chance to tell him I loved him one last time. He left in an ambulance 10 minutes before I arrived at their house. He never regained consciousness. I sat holding his hand for hours while he was on life support. He had always stated that he NEVER wanted to be left on life support, so I called my mom and asked what I should do. Of course, she told me to remove him from it, and leave it in God's hands. The hardest thing I have EVER had to do, was ask the doctor to remove him from life support. After a big hassle, they eventually removed him from it. He kept going into seizures (sp?), and was considered brain dead. But I knew right as he took his last breath, that he was letting me know he was going home to be with Jesus. My mom was in no shape to handle any of the funeral arrangements. Being without sleep for several days, and having to handle all of this on my own really sent me into a deep depression, that lasted for quite some time. My dad was my guiding light. It has been a long road, and scary journey. Just as I was pulling out of feeling as though I killed my dad, I found GW. It got me looking forward to things again, and I had met some great people. I started seeds indoors, and was trading left and right. During this time, my mom turned off ill again. We took her from doctor to doctor, on and on. By the time May came around, we had finally found a specialist who could tell us what was going on. She, of course had congestive heart failure. They told her that they was going to get her well enough to go through a simply procedure, and put in a new three lead pacemaker/defribulator (sp?). A few weeks prior to going in for the surgery, she just really went down hill, and fast. Most of my time, and my children and husbands time was caring for her. She went in May 23rd for the surgery. When she was released, she couldn't walk, and didn't have the airway to talk or hardly breathe. For the next five weeks, she progressively went down hill. June 21st, the ambulance was called, and she was taken to the hospital. She had actually looked really good that afternoon and was smiling. The next morning, we got a call from her doctor telling us she was being transported to another hospital an hour away, that things did not look promising. We went up that afternoon to see her. We left for 20 minutes to get the children some supper, and she passed. They worked on her for 20 minutes, and we was gone for exactly 20 minutes. Before the surgery for the pacemaker, they kept telling her she would feel like a brand new woman in 6 weeks. She never made to that 6th week. During this time, I got behind on my trades. I tried as best I could to stay in contact with everyone, and I posted to GW (which got me booted) about the situation. Onece again, I had a funeral to arrange, alone. My mom had 12 children. 11 with her first husband, me with my dad. No-one would help. It was all left up to me. I lost my best friend. I got my green thumb from my mom. She could make anything grow! Even being 33 years old, I just couldn't believe that I didn't have any parents anymore.

During this time, I got nasty e-mails asking me where my end of the trade was, etc, etc.

While my mom was sick, I changed soiled clothing, and did laundry at 2 am, as she couldn't make it to the bathroom. Was doing this several times a day/night. I was trying to take care of my mom, 3 children, and trying to be a wife.

I was a very trying time. It still is.

Apparently, a gal did not get her end of the trade from me. To this day, I STILL don't know who it is, because no-one ever contacted me to let me know. However, they had the time to e-mail everyone else and let them know.

I had trades numerous, numerous times, with sooooooo many people, and I mess up once, and people start looking down on me. I posted several times asking if I owed anyone a trade. I was NEVER contacted. I did the best I could to make things right. I didn't know what else to do.

Then, I trade with someone who is suppose to have a great rep, and she literally lies about the whole situation. I sent this gal 3 well sought after collcetor's iris. The rhizomes were at least 4 1/2 inches in legth. She posted and e-mailed everyone that I sent her pinky sized iris, blah, blah, blah, and from then on, it was like I didn't even exist here at GW. I would NEVER cheat someone out of something. NEVER! Yes, I have been late sending since May. But I always stay in contact, and I always send. And, I am only humans, as all of us are. I am not entitled to make a mistake?

I have really missed posting here, and trading here. I have missed alot of people here.

The same gal who accused me of sending skimpy iris, also did this same thing to a couple of other gals. One in which was going to quit trading her. I told her, "please don't let this trader run you off". Then what do I do, I let her run me away. She sent me a dead plant, and s puny piece of another, and I never broadcasted it all of GW. I tried to handle it privately, but everything had to be posted in full view with her.

This has been a long hard year for me and my family. I am still trying to pull myself back up. Feeling like I have disappointed so many people has had me stressed as well.

This is my attemp to explain my situation, and to make everyting right.

Please give me the chance to do this?

I also ask that if you have something cruel to say to me, please e-mail me privately, instead of further humiliating me publicly.

If I owe someone a trade please let me know. I know that I still have 2 trades to send out that was arranged this past few weeks. Mtgirl and gardenpaw, I have not forgotten you ;-).

I have sent out several seed trades over the course of the last 2-3 weeks. It's frustrating to see that everyone complains about not hearing if the trade has made it, and then the same people don't contact you when you send a trade, and they receive it. I don't know what to think when I don't hear either way.

I feel like I have been singled out, to have traders jump down my thoat when a mistake is made on my part, only because I see so many others going through, or doing the same thing I did, and no-one says anything.

Am I wrong to feel this way, or am I calling it as I see it?

Thank you so much for reading my rather long post. I just had to get his off of my chest.

God Bless and be well.


P.S. I am really curious to see what weebus has to say about this one. LoL

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bruggirl100(z9 FL)

I had the same thing happen to me. Don't let one jerk get you down. If you have a good trading relationship with most of the people you traded with, they will still want to trade with you.

    Bookmark   October 11, 2005 at 9:33PM
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I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Tina. I would just ignore who ever it is that is spreading rumors. Actually, I haven't heard anything. Am I out of the loop? lol
Seriously, just keep doing your best, and ignore the nasties.

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 12:45PM
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weebus(Z8 Sunset 5 WA)

Hi Tina,
The first thing I would tell you is to stop worrying about what Weebus has to say. Everyone has their opinions, but you are the only one who has to walk in your shoes.
Second and most importantly, and I see it happen often, is Gardenweb becomes too big. It isn't life or death. It is a very looseknit community of people who talk about and trade plants. That's it.
Even though it is harder to do than say, you need to quit worrying about what everyone thinks of you. You know who you are. You know what type of person you are. If someone in cyberland seems to think differently, who cares. They don't know you. Worry about your friends and family. That's really what it is all about, not some anonymous name on the internet.
Because we are a faceless community, we tend to be more direct than we normally would. I try to think twice before I post, sometimes I still post something I wish I could take back. Over the years I have learned.
If I were you, I would just hold my head up high, do what I know is right, and fell secure in that. In time, you won't feel the way you do now, it will roll off your back, and you will realize these posts for what they are, someone else's opinion. So, treat it like everyday life, take from it what you want, leave the rest behind.
I have been here a LONG time ('95) and I used to worry just like you, and there were other posters who thought I was callous or just mean (ButterflyChaser is one that comes to mind) and then they hung around long enough to realize what I was saying had some validity, even if at times it could have been said better.
I hope you stay around long enough to learn that GW isn't that important in your life, we're just a nice distraction.

Good Luck to you

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 1:09PM
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weebus(Z8 Sunset 5 WA)

Oh, BTW, I have never traded with Tina, so it ain't me being not nice.

Over and out

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 1:11PM
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flowersandbirds4ever(Z5 Me)

it is me rosie did you forget about me
you put on your list about mtgirl,and gardenpaw sending there part of trades.which i have traded with and they are both great and wonderful traders.
I posted here tonight emailed you 2x
about our trade.You didnt respond to my email.
I sent you your trade over a week ago and havent heard nothing weather you got it or not.you said you sent mine next day when you got back into your yard.and same day I talked to another trader she sent hers i still havent got yours.I have not traded with you before and i emailed you several times no answer.I would like to know one way or other.did you get my trade i sent priorty,dc
and when should i expect mine.Winter is here thanks rosie

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 11:01PM
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Hi Rosie,
You should have gotten those plants by now.
I didn't get anything from you, including e-mails.
The seeds I sent were the only seeds I had left from the red lilies, and the iris and clematis that I sent was all I had left as well. I find it odd that you sent and I didn't receive, and you didn't receive mine as well.
I guess all I can say is to stay in touch with each other. Also, if your e-mails are not getting to me, maybe you should continue to e-mail through GW. You can do that by going to my members page, as I am sure you already know that.



If you look at the last thread you posted to, you'll see that I had responded to that some time ago.

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 11:23PM
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Thank you bruggirl, woodthrush and weebus for your kind and encouraging words.
I use to be one of those who just did my best, and didn't worry about what others thought of me. But I guess after just feeling down in the dumps for so long, I became easily intimidated. Of course, that just made me feel even worse.
I do have to say weebus, reading your reply really put me in my place, and I mean that in a good way. I have to thank you for that.

One of these days, I'll be back into the full swing of things, and back to my old opinionated self, LoL.

OK, as weebus has put it, I'm over and out, smiles.

Blessings, Tina

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 11:34PM
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flowersandbirds4ever(Z5 Me)

tina I have copy of my sent- emails dear,even emailed you from gw
I forword one to you tonight
and dc is
0305 0830 0004 1434 7857
and it clearly states it was deleveried
Label/Receipt Number: 0305 0830 0004 1434 7857
Status: Delivered

Your item was delivered at 9:20 am on October 07, 2005 in ELDORA, IA 50627.
On oct 7th
I have gotten no email of when you sent like i did with you telling you i mailed out!
I got no dc of the package!
and i got this message from you this evening
I sent you dc
and it says at www.usps.com
it was delivered 4 days later.I have not got nothing from you.rosie

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 12:37AM
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It looks to me like you are just trying to cause a big stink Rosie. I have stayed up for hours tonight e-mailing back and forth with you. Your attitude posting here sure is different than that of your private e-mails. You have held a personal vendetta against me for a very long time over your Aunt, so I am guessing that this is your way of getting at me. I have no control over your actions, so I am not going to let you get to me.
If you can't be civil and honest, do not contact me again. I'm through with this.


    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 12:52AM
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If I had been through what you said above and in prior posts, I certainly don't think I would be interested in or capable of dealing with all the stress that could be expected with trading plants, let alone some 500 trades. That's an awful lot of trades. Perhaps keeping very busy is your way of handling stress; I don't know. Why not give it a rest for a while? Clearly from what you and others have written, some folks are not happy with you for whatever reason. The most recent death in my family was my mother-in-law. I loved her dearly and during that time of greaving (she went into hospice care) we shut down all the sideline stresses of life in order to deal with her pending death. After a few months after her death we slowly started plugging in those activities that we had cut out. In any event, trading should be fun and not frustrating. I wish I had a magical fix-it pill but I don't and advice is all I can offer. Take Care - Mike

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 12:58AM
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flowersandbirds4ever(Z5 Me)

Tina you choice not to repond to my emails till tonight and come here and write this
I proved i sent your package and dc
you write me a email you didnt get it it might have falled in the bushes.I really agree with mikey dear you need to take a brake.rosie

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 8:16AM
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I'm sincerely sorry for what you've been going through, it sounds like you have had ALOT on your plate. If the saying is true that "you don't get more than you can handle" well then someone up there thinks you're Superwoman!

I would not worry so much about bad talk, it's bound to happen here no matter how nice you are or how many friends you make. All it takes is getting one wrong person mad and that's it. The anonymity of the internet and the inability to read attitude and tone in emails can contribute to this, unfortunately. But this is when your reputation should come in to save you.

If you know you have made nothing but great trades, then those mean words should roll right off your back because the truth will come out in the end and everyone will realize those mean words were just hot air. If, however, you haven't, for whatever reason (and we are all human), then really, you need to make it right. Now, no one likes to replace plants (I know I grumbled when I had to replace two last year, and I am sure my dear trader that recently had to replace a lost package was not too happy with having to replace FIVE named hostas for me), but that is what happens when you enter into a trade agreement and you want to build/sustain a quality reputation. If a package is lost, or damaged, or the plants die in transit, I 100% stand behind my trades and would replace in a heartbeat if notified, and I'd like to think the rest of the people I trade with would too.

I hope this is not coming across like a lecture, I'm not meaning for it to. I've been trading on various sites since 1999 and like you have had over 500 trades, many of them with repeat traders who know the quality packages I send. My philosophy has always been this - send a package that you yourself would LOVE to be on the receiving end of. If you wouldn't, well then the person you're sending it to probably wouldn't either.

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 9:06PM
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Lemon_Poppy(z5/6 OH)

I really don't wish to get into a tit for tat with anyone, but since I didn't see my name mentioned as a person you still have an outstanding trade with and you didn't answer my email of further inquiry last night, I feel I have no recourse but to address this situation here.

I posted on Oct. 3 that I needed to hear from you as I had sent you postage to cover cuttings of your Mom's roses back in August and had no yet gotten them. You responded saying my envelope, postage and address had been lost and you didn't know how to send the cuttings. So I immediately emailed you my address. I haven't heard anything from you at this point and I'm still awaiting the cuttings or refund of my postage. At this point the latter would be preferred.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 12:44PM
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Lemon Poppy,
After our e-mail earlier, I have not heard back. Just wanted to make sure that you know I am still here, and that I am awaiting your response.

Thanks so much,

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 10:50PM
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Tina, it appears you may not be getting a lot of your emails. Perhaps you are losing them to a spam folder in your email account? You might want to check your settings and see if they are being blocked for some reason. I find that sometimes private emails from gardeners are sent to my spam folder instead of my inbox.

Another thing, I don't know if you use Delivery Confirmation when you mail packages, but you really should. It's proof that you sent the package. So if the package doesn't show up, you can go online and see what happened. You'll notice FlowersandBirds used DC and was able to go online and track the package she sent.

Now it's now fail-proof. But if the package gets misrouted or is sitting at the post office awaiting pickup by the recipient, it's noted online. So when you check the progress of the package, you can say, "Hey, the post office has your package and you just need to go pick it up." One of my Ebay customers had complained that she didn't get the package I sent her. I tracked the package and the P.O. noted that two notices had been left at the buyer's apt. to go pick the package up. When I told her that, she said, "OOOOOOH, that's what those pink slips were for! I just threw them away!"

DC can save your reputation. And I must say that I've never had a package with DC on it go missing. The post office is very careful with packages that are being tracked because it is one way they are graded. It's only an extra 45 cents, unless you print your postage from their site, in which case it's free. It's well worth it to have proof in case a problem arises later. We all know the postal service is NOT perfect.


    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 11:13PM
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Lemon_Poppy(z5/6 OH)

I did respond to your email and asked that you just refund the postage funds that I sent to you.


    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 12:03PM
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flowersandbirds4ever(Z5 Me)

tina i just got home and just wanted you to know still no package.I talked with P.O.his words if i sent with DC and it shows it was deleveried.He said talk to your Mail carrier.I am going to file a complaint, for the package I didnt rec that what he suggested on my half.Thanks rosie

    Bookmark   October 24, 2005 at 7:18AM
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pattyp2257(z8 LA)

tina i know your grieve you are going through my husband i lost his parent five months from each other and his mother was my gardening buddy who taught me things i know i will never be as smart but i sure love the gw and i have met a lot of nice people with all kinds of problems and being friends we are suposed to stand beside them not away some people get lost on things when something bad happens that dont mean they will not do what they said they would do if you give time to grieve my god bless all of you and tina i am sorry for your loss my prayers will be with you patty

    Bookmark   November 27, 2005 at 11:27PM
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Hi Tina,
I have never traded with, but I have done a secret swap with you, as I being the one to send to you, I can alleviate all the PAINS IN THE @$$ use USPS site, FREE, Here me FREE delivery confirmation, all it takes is you type in the name you are sending to & your name,,,, END OF PROBLEM, & if they still have a problem as some will do, tell them!!! oh wait I cant say that, but you know what I mean. Tina, GW has it's way of weeding out the weed's, You are not one to be weeded out......:)Anita

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 12:52AM
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Patty and Anita ~

Thank you both for your kind words. I appreciate them very much.
I must say that I am doing very well now. Thanksgivng was good. It was a bit empty with out my mom though. She has ALWAYS made homemade stuffing and pumpkin pie. Her and my dad started comig to our home after we had our second child, and stay the night before Thanksgiving. She would make the pies at home and bring them, but would make the stuffing here. It smelled to good and we couldn't wait to dig in. This year, we went to my in-laws, and it just didn't feel the same (of course not). Christmas will really be different, but we will always carry her and my dad in our hearts, always.

As far as the gal who was just rude. Well, I haven't seen her post to GW in quite some time now (at least a few months), and no more nasty daily e-mails. I'm over it. I should have never posted anything about it to begin with, but my emotions were running wild, and I felt I needed to say something. I am a pretty tender hearted person, so it doesn't take much, smiles.

As for the package Rosie sent, and the PO website shows as "delivered", well, I have yet to see it. Our postmaster said it just may have been dropped off at the wrong residence by accident. So, I guess we'll never know. I resent a package to her, this time with delivery conf. and this one arrived at her home. I don't expect her to resend as it was recorded as "delivered". It's all good, LoL.
As long as knowone is mad at me, smiles.

I wish all of you a Very Merry Christmas and a Prosperous and Joyful New Year!

With Love,

    Bookmark   November 29, 2005 at 1:09AM
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Hmmmm.... very interesting

    Bookmark   December 1, 2005 at 1:06PM
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