A bit frustrated.........
I have been feeling a bit aggravated over some attitudes here at GW. I have been struggling whether or not I should say anything, but today I came to the conclusion, that if I don't say anything, than how can anything be resolved. Right?
I am not one for whining and complaining, and I don't look for sympathy (it makes me feel worthless to feel that someone thinks I am grasping for sympathy).I am, however, looking for a bit of understanding. I am not saying that I have not received ANY understanding, please do not take it that way. So, please do not think that what I am about to say, that sympathy is what I am searching for. I simply am trying to communicate my feelings and situation.
I signed onto GW early this past Spring. Over the course of the months that I have been here, I have done almost 500 trades in seeds and plants. I had never done anything like this before, so I went full speed ahead :-). I did very well with all of my trades, never getting behind or forgetting a trade for months. I have always tried to be generous with my trades, and expressed prior to sending when the amounts would be little or small. I have always tried to keep good communication going, sending and answering e-mails as quickly and as often as I could.
I have met some of the most wonderful, generous and genuine people here, and looked forward to signing on everyday, and would spend hours on this site, and e-mailing back and forth with people whom soon became very good friends. Besides my childrena dn husband, and taking walks through my gardens, GW was the light of my day.
With all of this being said, I am going to explain why all of this changed. My mom had a triple heart attack 6 years ago, and then had a stroke. It took several years for her to regain control of her leg's and arms, and remember how to write out a check, speak clearly, and remember past events. We thougth we was going to lose her. Somehow, by the grace of God, with only 20% of her heart functioning, she pulled through all of this with flying colors. Not without alot of time and work of course, but nonetheless, she did it. Not long after she began to get well, my dad got sick, and never really regained his health. We lost him on Sept. 18th 2001. I never got the chance to tell him I loved him one last time. He left in an ambulance 10 minutes before I arrived at their house. He never regained consciousness. I sat holding his hand for hours while he was on life support. He had always stated that he NEVER wanted to be left on life support, so I called my mom and asked what I should do. Of course, she told me to remove him from it, and leave it in God's hands. The hardest thing I have EVER had to do, was ask the doctor to remove him from life support. After a big hassle, they eventually removed him from it. He kept going into seizures (sp?), and was considered brain dead. But I knew right as he took his last breath, that he was letting me know he was going home to be with Jesus. My mom was in no shape to handle any of the funeral arrangements. Being without sleep for several days, and having to handle all of this on my own really sent me into a deep depression, that lasted for quite some time. My dad was my guiding light. It has been a long road, and scary journey. Just as I was pulling out of feeling as though I killed my dad, I found GW. It got me looking forward to things again, and I had met some great people. I started seeds indoors, and was trading left and right. During this time, my mom turned off ill again. We took her from doctor to doctor, on and on. By the time May came around, we had finally found a specialist who could tell us what was going on. She, of course had congestive heart failure. They told her that they was going to get her well enough to go through a simply procedure, and put in a new three lead pacemaker/defribulator (sp?). A few weeks prior to going in for the surgery, she just really went down hill, and fast. Most of my time, and my children and husbands time was caring for her. She went in May 23rd for the surgery. When she was released, she couldn't walk, and didn't have the airway to talk or hardly breathe. For the next five weeks, she progressively went down hill. June 21st, the ambulance was called, and she was taken to the hospital. She had actually looked really good that afternoon and was smiling. The next morning, we got a call from her doctor telling us she was being transported to another hospital an hour away, that things did not look promising. We went up that afternoon to see her. We left for 20 minutes to get the children some supper, and she passed. They worked on her for 20 minutes, and we was gone for exactly 20 minutes. Before the surgery for the pacemaker, they kept telling her she would feel like a brand new woman in 6 weeks. She never made to that 6th week. During this time, I got behind on my trades. I tried as best I could to stay in contact with everyone, and I posted to GW (which got me booted) about the situation. Onece again, I had a funeral to arrange, alone. My mom had 12 children. 11 with her first husband, me with my dad. No-one would help. It was all left up to me. I lost my best friend. I got my green thumb from my mom. She could make anything grow! Even being 33 years old, I just couldn't believe that I didn't have any parents anymore.
During this time, I got nasty e-mails asking me where my end of the trade was, etc, etc.
While my mom was sick, I changed soiled clothing, and did laundry at 2 am, as she couldn't make it to the bathroom. Was doing this several times a day/night. I was trying to take care of my mom, 3 children, and trying to be a wife.
I was a very trying time. It still is.
Apparently, a gal did not get her end of the trade from me. To this day, I STILL don't know who it is, because no-one ever contacted me to let me know. However, they had the time to e-mail everyone else and let them know.
I had trades numerous, numerous times, with sooooooo many people, and I mess up once, and people start looking down on me. I posted several times asking if I owed anyone a trade. I was NEVER contacted. I did the best I could to make things right. I didn't know what else to do.
Then, I trade with someone who is suppose to have a great rep, and she literally lies about the whole situation. I sent this gal 3 well sought after collcetor's iris. The rhizomes were at least 4 1/2 inches in legth. She posted and e-mailed everyone that I sent her pinky sized iris, blah, blah, blah, and from then on, it was like I didn't even exist here at GW. I would NEVER cheat someone out of something. NEVER! Yes, I have been late sending since May. But I always stay in contact, and I always send. And, I am only humans, as all of us are. I am not entitled to make a mistake?
I have really missed posting here, and trading here. I have missed alot of people here.
The same gal who accused me of sending skimpy iris, also did this same thing to a couple of other gals. One in which was going to quit trading her. I told her, "please don't let this trader run you off". Then what do I do, I let her run me away. She sent me a dead plant, and s puny piece of another, and I never broadcasted it all of GW. I tried to handle it privately, but everything had to be posted in full view with her.
This has been a long hard year for me and my family. I am still trying to pull myself back up. Feeling like I have disappointed so many people has had me stressed as well.
This is my attemp to explain my situation, and to make everyting right.
Please give me the chance to do this?
I also ask that if you have something cruel to say to me, please e-mail me privately, instead of further humiliating me publicly.
If I owe someone a trade please let me know. I know that I still have 2 trades to send out that was arranged this past few weeks. Mtgirl and gardenpaw, I have not forgotten you ;-).
I have sent out several seed trades over the course of the last 2-3 weeks. It's frustrating to see that everyone complains about not hearing if the trade has made it, and then the same people don't contact you when you send a trade, and they receive it. I don't know what to think when I don't hear either way.
I feel like I have been singled out, to have traders jump down my thoat when a mistake is made on my part, only because I see so many others going through, or doing the same thing I did, and no-one says anything.
Am I wrong to feel this way, or am I calling it as I see it?
Thank you so much for reading my rather long post. I just had to get his off of my chest.
God Bless and be well.
P.S. I am really curious to see what weebus has to say about this one. LoL