Sophia is here. 7lb 8 oz at 12:04 this morning.

love2gardenncJanuary 3, 2009

New question,

I am not new to being a grandparent but I am new to having one born here where I can be with her from day 1.

My questions are;

1. How can I best help my DIL without being a bother. We get along great and I would like to keep it that way. She comes home (her home not mine) tomorrow, what can I do to help without being obtrusive?

2. What things did your MIL do that irritated you? What did your MIL do that you most appreciated?

3. How often can I ask to hold my new GB without looking like I am out to steal her affections away? Can I go and just sit for say an hour and hold her?

4. How old was your GB the first time he/she spent the night with you and without her Mom?

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luvsgrtdanes

Well first off a big fat congratulations to you!! Sophia is a great name, it is my Granddaughter's name too!!

Trust me your DIL will appreciate the help...watch her and notice when she looks a bit tired ask if she would like you to take the baby for a while~I am sure she will love to hand her over. I was a bit afraid I would be stepping on toes but my son was great and just said come over any time and we were there a lot. I was going to be babysitter a few days a week so it was good that I got to bond from the get go.

I think the worst thing my MIL did was to make me think she knew more than I did (and I'm sure she did! LOL)never ever correct her or make her feel like she is doing something wrong...no way no how!!

You will get vibes from your son and DIL if they feel you are there too much...is her mother in the picture?

We actually just had my GD sleep over for the first time, she is 3...but it was always my choice with the way I worked. I think it will take quite a few months for mom to be comfortable leaving her. Let her know in a kind way that if she needs a rest you are available.

Sounds like to me you are already doing great by just not wanting to be overbearing!!! Best of luck to all of you. Enjoy~she will steal your heart away!!

    Bookmark   January 3, 2009 at 11:29PM
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Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana(zone 5/6)

It's nice that you and DIL get along great, but also good that you have thought about these things.

I have no answers, but suggest you just ask her. Maybe throw some things out there as suggestions, if she doesn't readily come up with any ideas for you to help.

A GW friend had her first last summer, and was so thankful of her MIL who she got along great with, for all the help she gave. GF had c-section I think.

Can I go and just sit for say an hour and hold her?
I would think that she would welcome you doing so, so she could either get some much needed rest, or caught up on some things she would rather not have help with. She would likely appreciate you watching her too, rather than having to take her out when it is necessary for her to run errands.

4. How old was your GB the first time he/she spent the night with you and without her Mom?
My guess on that is that you all will know when the time is right. Little Sophia will sometime want to go home with you for the night, and will have to understand that it will be for all night.

Enjoy!

Sue

    Bookmark   January 3, 2009 at 11:41PM
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plant-one-on-me(MI 5b)

I am so happy for you! Having a grandbaby that I can see as often as I want is one of my greatest pleasures!!! At first my DIL didn't want a lot of help and seemed not to want me to hold my granddaughter a lot. I think it was too new to her and she just wanted to be the one the baby relied on. I would tell her over and over what a great mom she was and would ask if I could hold the baby for just a few minutes at first. She relaxed quickly and the time I spent with Jordan increased quickly. I also told her that I understand how difficult it is to get things done around the house and that I would be willing the help out. At first it was not holding the baby...boo hoo...but maybe doing laundry or unloading the dishwasher. Eventually, my DIL did those things while I played with the baby. I guess it really depends on the mom as to how comfortable she is with you "taking over" so to speak (at least I was told this once or twice). At this point you have to back off a little and wait for her to ask for help...then you get to swoop in and have fun LOL. At this point you know she is really comfortable and maybe a lot tired and is looking for help.

Have fun, observe her behavior, have patience (yeah right!), love and enjoy your precious new gift. Kim

    Bookmark   January 4, 2009 at 11:51AM
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love2gardennc

Well Sophia is now almost 2 days old and home from the hospital. My husband had fixed spaghetti to take over to their house so they could have dinner but our son called and said that as soon as Kim fed the baby they would come to dinner. I offered to bring dinner to them tomorrow and DIL (Kim) said they could come here again, I am thrilled.
Plant-one-on-me , How did the tigger melon do? Was your season long enough for them to make fruit? We need more pics of Jordan.
Ronnie, I always thought you were a man but then I am Les and once a preacher who traded here asked if I wanted to meet him at a local garden, he soon retracted his offer once he realized that I was a woman. I think both Mom and I are thinking more like 3 months as she mentioned pumping breast milk so that we can keep Sophia. This is her third baby and she seems willing for us to keep her soon. I told her when she first became pregnant that I wanted the baby every Sat. night so that he/she would never know that there was any place to go other than church on Sunday morning.
Sue, for a non-Mom you have great insight. I hadn't thought about watching Sophia so that Kim could run errands. She likes to walk around the school track which is just behind her house so I can easily offer to sit while she runs before or after that shower.
Thanks for all of your thoughts, I offered to come to their home for a bit tomorrow afternoon so that she could take a shower, do hair, whatever.
So far so good, Les

    Bookmark   January 4, 2009 at 9:09PM
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Chemocurl zn5b/6a Indiana(zone 5/6)

Sue, for a non-Mom you have great insight.
Besides a few young non Mom friends, most of my friends are either Moms or even Grandmothers. I've learned a lot about having children, raising them, along with a lot of the joys and problems that go along with it all.

I'm glad to hear all is well.

You never said, but is there another grandmother?

btw...I thought you were a male for a long time too, until you mentioned DH in an email. I always assumed Ronnie was a female.

Sue

    Bookmark   January 4, 2009 at 10:26PM
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playintheyard(zn6 MA)

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Becoming a grandmother was one of the best things that ever happened to me. If your DIL is anything like me it will make her happy and grateful that her baby is so loved by you and your husband.
I always asked my GDs mother questions like when and how do you feed her? does she liked to be held like this? Anything to make her feel she was the authority on the baby. Actually still do and Leah turned 3 yesterday. I don't need these answers but, they have always made the Mom feel good.

Have fun w/ Sophia,

Annette
Have fun

    Bookmark   January 5, 2009 at 9:00AM
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scottrell(10AFl)

This is one of the sweetest things I have ever read here! I think your DIL is si lucky to have you. I wish you were my MIL! LOL! My oldest "baby" just turned 21, (Wow that really went fast) I remember being a very young Mom and my MIL made me so self concious. She constantly said things like "The baby looks thirsty" or "The baby needs changing" etc. It made me want to pull myself and the baby away so I could prove I could handle things on my own. I see now that she was just very excited about the baby and was just trying to help. Although I would never say no help when it came to the laundry.
Congratulations!! Enjoy! Sounds like you are doing great.
Sharon (Who sometimes gets confused as a man, my screen name looks like my name is Scott, why did I pick that name anyway? Because I was so excited to get on the seed exchange, every name I chose seemed to be taken, so I jsut picked the first letter of my first name and combined with my last)

    Bookmark   January 5, 2009 at 4:02PM
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graanieb

How sweet and great!! Congratulations and all the best to you all and baby.
Les , with your attitude you'll do just fine, hope you keep us updated. You'll have more fun than when you had your own babies, when us grandmas have been too busy.
Know the feeling of wanting to hold your grandbaby, it was my first one 9 years ago, now he's almost 10, already, wow! wished I could hold him closer, of course knew it can't be done. Enjoy this special, exciting, busy time most possible. Keep on counting your blessings.

GB , Bea

btw, will you be calling her Sonya/ Sonja? Pretty name either way.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2009 at 1:16PM
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plant-one-on-me(MI 5b)

Les, I bet you are in heaven. Jordan and I had an awesome time in the garden this year. The tigger melon didn't get off to a good start but the freckles lettuce you sent was wonderful. I let a couple go to seed and saved plenty for this year. I tried to attach a couple pictures for you but I guess photobucket is down. I'll try again next time I check in. There is one photo of her picking a minnesota midget melon on my blog. Kim

Here is a link that might be useful: My Blog

    Bookmark   January 7, 2009 at 7:01PM
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