Wedding Etiquette?

tisha_(z7 OKC)February 27, 2006

I have a few questions...I want your opinions.

I'm not getting married anytime in the real close future, but hopefully within the next two years or so. Anyway, here's what I've always envisioned for my wedding...

I want to get married on our "anniversary" (the day we started dating) so it will likely be that it's on a week day. Unless I want to wait about 5 more years for a Saturday. LOL Anyway, I just want something really small with just his family, my family and our very closest friends (it would be about 16 people total). THEN the Saturday after I'd like to have the reception and have EVERYONE come to that. Just a big ol' party.

For a long time this is how I've thought my wedding would go, but I just recently got to thinking about it and I wondered how it would go and what people would think.

So, here are my questions...

First of all...would that be tacky to do it that way? Would people balk at celebrating a ceremony that they didn't actually get to attend?

What would be the right word for the party? Would it still be considered a reception? How would the invitations work?

So many least I've got plenty of time to work out all the details. LOL

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Hi Tisha,

I don't think there is any problem having a wedding of 16 people that include only close family members and friends. This is your wedding and you can do what ever you want. If anyone has a problem with that, that is just tough. My first wedding had 12 people in it. Grandmothers, parents, brothers and sisters, and one good friend were the only people present at my first wedding. Aunts, uncles and cousins were not invited. Neither were any other of our friends. Sure, there were a few people who felt a little left out, but it was explained to them what we wanted and again if they didn't like it, that was too bad. I had an uncle in particular who was really put off, but then I just consider the source.

My second wedding was also small and intimate. It was at the houses of my best friend. She had a big house. Another friend of mine married us. It included about 27 people. It also included a small reception. It was a little different though. We timed the wedding to correspond with having our honeymoon include a 75th birthday party of my wife's mother. So as not to burden my wife's family with having to make two trips (one to the family reunion and one to our wedding), we suggested that people not come out to our wedding and make it a 75th birthday party and wedding reception. Nobody who was not invited to the wedding made any comment at all about being left out. People understand that not everyone can be invited to an intimate wedding. The people at the wedding thought it was very nice.

I have been to several small weddings. Some of the people had small weddings and a larger reception afterwards. I have been both invited to a wedding and reception afterwards and only invited to the reception afterwards. I never thought anything about it. I also never heard of anybody saying that it was weird. Again, some people will feel that it is their business to voice an opinion and that opinion may not be very pleasant. I believe that one cannot satisfy everyone. No matter how big your wedding is going to be, someone will feel left out. That's just the way it is.

As far as invitations work. People invited to the wedding will get wedding invitations and an invitation to the reception. People invited to the reception only get an invitation to the reception. It would not be very kind to to use the same invitation and then say to some people that they were invited to the reception only. A separate invitation should be made for those people. That makes it a little more complicated but that is what I would do.

Weddings are for the bride and groom. It is their day. Weddings are stressful enough. It should not be a day where everybody else determines what one should and should not do on their special day.

I hope this helps,


    Bookmark   February 27, 2006 at 10:58PM
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I think thats a wonderful idea and I second Larry's advice. Some people will be 'Put Out' by that idea but it's about you and your man! You could do up your invitations for your party "Come celebrate the marrage of Tisha and ________" ....Sorry, I forget his name. The lastest thing now is being Nontraditional when it comes to your wedding. Plus, doing it your way you still get gifts ;) LOL! I'd love to have a wedding like that! However SO has 7 brothers and sisters, all with about 3-4 kids each so even a SMALL wedding would be big. I wanted to do the Vagas thing, but he wouldn't hear of it. I wanted to do the nontraditional thing also, again it was a big fight. He wanted the big Catholic wedding ....I'm not Catholic. So, I've been engaged now for 8 years LOL! Clearly he's not the only stubborn one!

    Bookmark   February 28, 2006 at 2:45PM
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