Funny definitions

fishies(Ottawa z4a or 5)June 6, 2006

Cleaning out my email inbox this morning, I came across this old email from 2004:

Subject: Definitions

Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...

1. Coffee (n.),

a person who is coughed upon.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.),

appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.),

to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.),

to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.),


6. Negligent (adj.),

describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.),

to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.),

an olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.)

the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

  1. Balderdash (n.),

a rapidly receding hairline.

  1. Testicle (n.),

a humorous question on an exam.

  1. Rectitude (n.),

the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

  1. Oyster (n.), (as in "oy vay")

a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

  1. Pokemon (n)

A Jamaican proctologist.

  1. Frisbeetarianism (n.),

The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

  1. Circumvent (n.),

the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

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I am not one to appreciate funny "stuff" sent to me on a computer but these definitions are pretty clever.

So how are you doing. Are you going to have your prom? when do you have the other foot done? Are you walking? Have you been able to tell a difference in your feet?

Can I tell you a secret....My camera droppped out of my van onto cement and the lense blew apart. I have the camera hidden in my underwear drawer. I have not told Gil about the mishap yet. I am taking it to a camera repair shop tomorrow. So I might be looking for a new camera as the repair will probably cost more then a new camera. I feel terribly bad....about the camera and my carelessness...and this secret I am keeping from Gil. Certainly, this "secret" is really not as important as....having surgery on your feet....but it too is a drag!

    Bookmark   June 11, 2006 at 10:47PM
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fishies(Ottawa z4a or 5)

I drag my foot, you drag your secret. Given a choice, I'd take my foot. Dragging secrets is heavy labour. Do you think Gil will really be that upset? It's not like you dropped yourself out of the van, after all, right?

    Bookmark   June 12, 2006 at 8:54AM
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He does not use the camera. He will give me "the Stare"

I have not told him about it because it just makes me too sad...or angry at myself. I goofed again and it's going to cost me bucks to replace and also I have to research what kind of camera I will get now and probably not be happy about my choice and then I have to learn how to use it. I hate to shop

But on the plus side, the camera is a 2 something mega pixel-But it took great pictures

    Bookmark   June 12, 2006 at 10:55PM
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fishies(Ottawa z4a or 5)

Well, I'm glad that it's your own guilt that's making you secretive, and not a fear of your husband's anger... you had me wondering for a bit...

In other news, I AM WALKING. Well, sort of. Hobbling is more like it. But, heck, I'm mobile - however slowly, swollenly, and uncomfortably. I'm even going to try to get out to see Al Gore's movie tomorrow night. I'm a wild woman!

I had to reschedule my Moonlight & Margaritas Prom Party until mid-August. I'm a bit disappointed - Canada Day would have been perfect, but I'll still be in a cast. Not only would it be a huge hassle to organize a party while in a cast, but I wouldn't be able to wear kicky shoes! What's the point of a Prom Party without kicky shoes, I ask you?

I get the other foot done on Sept 13. I learned a lot from this past experience, so I think that getting it done the second time will be significantly easier. For instance, I had *no clue* that I was supposed to start putting weight on my foot about a week after the surgery. Two weeks after surgery, I went for a post-op check up with my surgeon, and she was shocked that I wasn't walking without crutches yet. I hadn't even begun to put my foot flat on the floor at that point. But once I started to put weight on it, things progressed pretty quickly. Today, I'm finishing week three, and can hobble around without crutches.

I'm pretty proud of myself :)

    Bookmark   June 13, 2006 at 4:34PM
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Well good for you-you should feel proud. I am impressed that you did not seem to whine much. And you have such a great attitude about getting the other foot done. It's nice to know that you will be able to get around sooner the next time. So do you think you will be able to wear nice shoes in August?

Back to my secret. I am such a blabber mouth. Gil knows pretty much everything that is on my mind. But Gil would have been well into finding a replacement before he would even think of telling me what happen. He's not secretive, he just doesn't talk much. First off, he is much too careful so the accident would not have happened. Then he would probably say...I told you I broke the camera last week.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2006 at 10:03PM
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fishies(Ottawa z4a or 5)

LOL! That kooky Gil...

    Bookmark   June 18, 2006 at 1:14PM
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The camera can be fixed for $50. so I immediately spilled the beans to Gil. He was happy that the camera can be fixed and thought it odd that I didn't tell him about it sooner. I informed him that I was angry with myself and did not need the stare to make me feel worse. I went on to say that part of me wanted a new camera anyway but when the camera guy said I have a great camera even if it is 2.something pixels-I shouldn't really need anything bigger and the new cameras tend to be more complicated. I feel this one is too complicated. So I will be posting pictures again soon.

We just got back from watching the sunset on my favorite day-hope you get to catch it in about an hour!

    Bookmark   June 21, 2006 at 10:31PM
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fishies(Ottawa z4a or 5)

Were you dancing nekkid under the full moon AGAIN, toots?

I forgot all about solstice until my father mentioned it late yesterday evening. My big solstice celebration consisted of going to the laundromat and the grocery store on foot for the first time since surgery. I hope the sun isn't pissed.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2006 at 11:57AM
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Fortunately, days will remain long like this for several days so you can still catch a few late sunsets. I have yet to get naked on the sulstice but always think about it. I think the nakedness must be with women though and I have yet to find a group to do this with.

Reportedly, my camera is fixed-they called... so maybe I will post a sunset soon. Glad to hear you were able to take a walk and runs some errands-that must make you feel like you are progressing.

    Bookmark   June 22, 2006 at 10:37PM
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