Cleaning out my email inbox this morning, I came across this old email from 2004:
Once again, The Washington Post published its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for various words. And the winners are...
1. Coffee (n.),
a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.),
appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.),
to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.),
to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.),
6. Negligent (adj.),
describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.),
to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.),
an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.)
the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash (n.),
a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.),
a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.),
the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
- Oyster (n.), (as in "oy vay")
a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
- Pokemon (n)
A Jamaican proctologist.
- Frisbeetarianism (n.),
The belief that, when you die, your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent (n.),
the opening in the front of boxer shorts.