Buying Cards

Janis_G(z7GA)February 19, 2011

Most of you know that my sweetie is not only blind he also has dementia. Buying cards is out of the question for him as he doesn't drive any more, however, he never forgets our anniversary, my birthday and Valentines day.

He has to ask someone to get the cards for him to give and

when our grandson takes him he is patient and reads dozens

of cards and describes them so Neil can choose.

This year he asked Katrina if she could get the cards but since she doesn't drive either it became my responsibility

to pick out my own cards. What an awkward position to be in.

I agonized over each card wondering will this be okay and is it something he would pick out to give me. All the time I was feeling sad that it had come to this and the whole thing sucked eggs.

I finally got the cards and by the time I got home I decided it was okay to pick out my own cards. Think about it, how else could I say to me what a wonderful, special, beautiful, kind, intelligent, fun loving woman I am? :0)

Yesterday, son came by to take Neil out to lunch

for his 85th birthday. He asked me if I got my Valentine.

I replied that yes I did get a Valentine. He asked if I liked the ribbon. "The one I got didn't have a ribbon."

He walked over to the buffet and got a card out and explained that he had taken his dad to get some cards.

Neil had forgotten he already had cards when he asked Katrina to help. Now I'm searching all over the house for hidden cards, maybe a present or two, who knows.

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lilod(NoCal/8)

What a bittersweet tale, Janis, and how I like that your sense of humor has not deserted you.
I can tell that your love for each other has not changed, the expression of it is different, that's all.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 2:21PM
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mawheel

Janis, your post touches my heart. Neil's love for you--and yours for him--shines thru every word.

My husband and I have a silly, years' old custom of not buying new cards. The valentine I gave him was first used in 1980 and the ones he gave me (four of them) also had/have at least 15-20 years of use on each of them. We put the current year's date and a new message and we're good to go!

He did surprise me, though, by sending flowers. (My Scotch ancestry balks at the cost--especially on Valentine's Day.) I really thought they would be from one of our kids. I was totally surprised when the card had a very sweet message and it was from him. He said the look on my face was "priceless"--cost be d- - - - -!

Of course, the card/flower industries would be in a pickle if too many folks did as we do!

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 2:26PM
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Janis_G(z7GA)

I love your idea mwheel.
The great thing about love is the many layers you uncover along the way.
Never a dull moment.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 3:37PM
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mwoods

I don't think I've ever run across a more special couple in my life and I've known a lot of couples.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 4:45PM
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anneliese_32(6)

Marda is right, you two are very special people.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 6:55PM
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west_gardener

Janis, it seems that no matter what shape your dh is in, he want's to make sure his sweetheart gets a card for valentines.He went to great lenghts to make sure you would have a card. He may forget a lot of things but he did not forget you. Happy Valentines.

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 8:27PM
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kathyjane(z6VA)

Jan, what a heartwrenching and tender story.
You and Neil have have packed a lot of beautiful moments into the years you've been together and they just become richer as time passes.
You each have the sweetest Valentine in the world.

(Marda's right.)

    Bookmark   February 19, 2011 at 11:15PM
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don_socal

Jan, hugs and valentine wishes to you and Neil.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2011 at 12:28PM
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coconut_nj

The richness of your lives together transcends the obstacles by a mile. It is interesting to have to think of yourself in terms of how he thinks of you and try to show appreciation to such a wonderful woman. Smiles. I hope you find some other goodies around the house. This Valentines Day his consuming love for you was as present as ever. This I rejoice.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2011 at 1:44PM
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mwoods

Jan,how did the two of you meet? Did he know you when you were a wild woman walking on airplane wings?

    Bookmark   February 20, 2011 at 3:41PM
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Janis_G(z7GA)

Marda, he was there to take the pictures the day I soloed
the day I wing walked and the day I first jumped from an airplane. He cheered me on.
This year come November we will have been married 41 years.
He has been my best friend, my confidant, the love of my life and when he says to me "I'm not good for anything any more, put me in a nursing home". I can honestly say to him that on his worst day, he is a better man than any I have ever known. I don't want anyone else taking care of him.
He deserves to be loved and cared for with all the love and
dignity that I can give him.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2011 at 8:02PM
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west_gardener

DH and I have been married for more than 50 years. We're getting older and have health issues. Nothing as drastic as you and Neil, Janis. That may come, I don't know.
I have also decided that I will care for my DH if needed.
BTW, I smile when I recall when DH and I first met to the present. It's been a good life.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2011 at 9:32PM
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gmatx zone 6

Janis, it is so apparent every time that you post just how special Neil's and your relationship has been and continues to be. Wish everyone could be so lucky - this world would be much happier all way around. My DH is also my "bestest" friend, the love of my life and as you said, will be loved and cared for here at home, rather than a nursing home, with all the love, dignity and comfort I can give him should the need arise. After all, he would have his own private RN on top of the other benefits!

Several of you who post regularly on this site should write books of your lives. I think you would be surprised at how much people would enjoy reading them.

Mwheel, DH of "going on" 47 years knows better than to send me cut roses - he had better send the rose bush!

Mary

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 10:08AM
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gandle(4 NE)

I am at a loss for words, and that doesn't happen often, from someone who has been married to his best friend for almost 64 years I hope the admiration I have for you shows through.. I wish contentment and peace for both Neil and you.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 3:29PM
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ejmoore510(7)

I cried through this entire post. But it was a "happy" cry. I don't know if you truly realize what a WONDERFUL love you've experienced or how very, VERY RARE it is! I wish you many more happy years together.

    Bookmark   February 21, 2011 at 8:58PM
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