Maybe at last

gandle(4 NE)May 30, 2011

The neighbor that George and I had to rescue several times was so argumentive and ornery to the people in the rest home where she had been for the last almost a year and kept at her son to let me go home so unfortunately he did. She has a woman come in daily to help her with breakfast and dinner, she gets meals on wheels each noon. Her son was adamant about her calling us all the time if something went wrong, he said "mom, they are older than you". So, I'm of the call list if she pokes the lifeline button but when I went over to see her last week the house looked clean but there was a strong smell of urine. We didn't know this but apparently she fell the other night and the ambulance had to come for her, no apparent injury so she is back in the house. George called her and said he would like to borrow some rhubarb from her huge patch, never touched. She said sure but then told him she wished Johnny would come home from the store she needed him to go again. Johnny has been dead for 7 years. I called her son in a nearby town and he came and talked to her then came over to our house. He said "mom is really confused and I have talked her into selling her car and selling the house. She seems agreeable" and he is going to try to get her in another care home. She can really afford good care. We are so afraid that she will injure herself badly when left alone at night Guess I wasn't thinking in paragraphs so there aren't any in the above.

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It is tragic when that happens, and sometimes there is really no solution that will make the afflicted person happy or even satisfied. You and George did all you could for her, seems she now is a danger to herself.
My DH and I went through this with his father - many years ago, and had to resort to the Court becoming his custodian and ordering him into a rest-home. Broke everyone's heart, but there was no other solution.
I feel sorry for the son having to make that decision.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2011 at 12:57PM
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It's a blessing, at least, that she can afford good care. I could go on for a very large paragraph myself about seniors in need who can't care for themselves, and how shameful it is that this country doesn't seem interested in changing that.


    Bookmark   May 30, 2011 at 1:50PM
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Lilo; so sorry about that situation.
Good thing you called her son----families hate to admit it when it's time for things to change---esp. for parents.
I hope it goes it goes as smoothly as can be expected...
and as soon as possible.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2011 at 5:43PM
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It is a difficult situation. A few blocks from us, a person converted her home to a residental facility for older adults. She'd accept 5 difficult people. People who cursed, screamed, wandered and generally caused problems. She did a super job, but she had to close down because of finances. The SS checks, nor the families could cover the expenses. The government would not cover any of her expenses. She had to close down.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2011 at 7:43PM
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Leone, you and George were so good to her.
She was lucky to have you for her neighbors.

It is sad that she couldn't get along with the people in
the rest home. It is also sad when a person out lives their mind.
It is even more sad for the folks left to make the difficult decisions.
There has to be a special place in heaven
for the care givers of the world.

    Bookmark   May 30, 2011 at 11:24PM
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There are days when I feel a lot more cynical than I should be. I think this is one of those days. Maybe my own advancing years has something to do with it.

Yes, we think the government (remember that we, the taxpayers foot the bill) should do more. But perhaps it's time for a good look at the attitude of why we are where we are.

A couple of generation ago, a person dying in their 50s or 60s was the usual thing. But not today. Nope, we just don't put up with what Mother Nature wants. We control the blood pressure, diabeties, anemia, pneumonia, etc.etc.etc. We postpone death from cancer. We act as if death was a horrible thing to be avoided at all costs.

And so, we have people living longer, and living worse! Everyone wants to live as long as possible. That makes sense. But how many want to spend years in an institution, perhaps unable to even sit up. Dementia of some sort or other, but hey! It's life!

Is that kind of life what the average person thinks of when they say they want to live as long as possible?

I don't know about anyone else, but my husband and I know what we intend to do, or not do. We are not going to give up eating red meat. A good steak is a good thing. Give me a pork chop with lots of fat. Let me have all the sweet stuff I want. I don't want a healthy diet. I hate vegetables. I will also not worry about my blood pressure.

Yes, I might die sooner, but maybe I won't spend years in a nursing home like many in my mother's family. If I had taken after my father's family. I would have died ten years ago. I think they were the lucky ones.

Living a long time can be great....if you can do things and enjoy yourself. Otherwise, it's just existing, not Living.

There!!! I got that off my chest. A couple or more vents about things that irk me and maybe I can face another day. I don't think I came close to falling and breaking something more than four or five times yesterday. Maybe today will be better.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2011 at 11:17AM
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I hear you, Aggie! I am fortunate to have just broken my femur and am recovering quite well, rest of me functions the way it's supposed to.
I have instructions to what to do (or rather what not to do) if I am not able to make a decision, the paperwork is filed in the Hospital, with the Fire Department Ambulance and in my medical records at the Clinic, Joann is the designated decision maker/Advocate - think I got all bases covered.
Being cynical I think that many times the Medical Establishment or the hospital will do essentialy useless procedures because they are "billable", not because they are in patient's best interest.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2011 at 1:19PM
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Lilod, that's one of the problems as I see it. Just exactly WHAT is in the patient's best interest.

If the hospital doesn't do can bet that there's someone in the family that knows a good lawyer and the hospital gets sued.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2011 at 1:26PM
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So many papers and things to have in order and on record any more. One of the things that go with living longer. Hope all turns out well for your neighbor and her family.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2011 at 5:18PM
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Where oh where is Suzy? I know, she's busy in the greenhouse/gardens. :(

I am so sorry for your neighbor Leone/George. You're doing more than most people would (should?) do, and it still sounds like you don't feel like it's enough. You can't help her. (((to both of you)))

After my grandfather died, my grandmother had a very slow demise. First, she went blind in one eye, then severe depression, then dementia. She refused to keep moving, and then later on she couldn't move. Years of wishing she was with him and begging daily for my mom to take her back home. We knew the better choice was to leave in her in professional's hands, even if she could afford to live at "home", it wasn't the smartest thing to do. It wasn't any less agonizing to watch and empathize. She had known Grandaddy since she was ten years old. They played as children and always knew each other. They'd been married 63 years when he died. She lived another decade. I don't want to live like that either.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2011 at 5:29PM
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Oh - please - if you have a living will and don't want to be resuscitated, have it tatooed across your chest.

Otherwise you will be subjected to the constant pressure from young idealistic Drs. calls in the night, and caring Drs. who are so sure that if you will only just approve this or that, your loved one will come home sane and sound.

Get the tatoo, and make sure everyone you love has one.

    Bookmark   May 31, 2011 at 9:29PM
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