A Group Participation Story anyone?

chickadeedeedee(z 6-7 ish Ohio)October 4, 2005

I know it has been done before but it might be fun to make another story.

One person adds a maximum of 1 paragraph of the tale and the next person has to carry it on and add to it and the next and so on and so on for example:

Poster 1: I ate a home made pie. It was apple....

Poster 2: It tasted very sweet and was still warm.....

Get the idea?

Right I'll start.

________________________________________________

It was a dark and blustery night at the GW Pond forum and every member was asleep in their rooms, dreaming of water falls and toads. Every light was out with the exception of the private study. The lights in this room were dim but lightning struck the weather vane on the roof of the east tower of the Pond HQ. As it did so it illuminated the a figure standing by the PC desk. The person was.......

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bihai(zone 9)

...tall, dressed in black, and of indeterminate sex. One black gloved hand reached down and picked up a book of matches laying on the desk. Struck flame touched to the wick of a candle provided a steady pool of warm light. A scratching, snuffling noise brought the figure whirling to face the ornate French Doors that opened onto the terrace, where the distorted outline of a huge creature could be seen. With a shaky laugh, the figure advanced to the doors, threw them open, and.......

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 7:24AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

...... grabbing the form before him, he slapped a big wet kiss on his mother-in-laws pouting lips. "Why are you out there spying on me mother-in-law"? I was just about to call and tell you that.......

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 7:41AM
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youreit

..."I'm pregnant with anticipation over my new pond plans!" A loud *thump* and *splash* from the pond send them running toward...well, the pond. Lights flicker on throughout the forum, casting a warm glow over the pond's white-capped waves. "Is that banjo music....

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 10:01AM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

... or did Jeremiah trip over the fish line fence? Three dark figures knelt by the water's edge: DS, DMIL, and...

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 4:14PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

.....a bearded Tibetan sailor wearing a rubber chicken on his head!
"Ahoy", said the fowl becapped sailor," What's this nibbling at my wooden leg"?.............

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 7:01PM
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norah_s(Z5 NH)

"Get your foolish leg out of the beach area!" barked DMIL, never one to mince words. "It's Klaude the Koi. He's been hanging with a rough crowd. An addle-pated pileated woodpecker has been feeding grubs to him, instead of to his own pecker-headed brood. I'm afraid he's been picking up bad habits." As an aside she added, "And who ever heard of a Tibetan sailor, anywho?! That makes as much sense as a Dutch mountaineer!."

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 8:00PM
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norah_s(Z5 NH)

To which the slightly ruffled seaman replied...

    Bookmark   October 5, 2005 at 8:04PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

........."Ye gads!I have been undone"!
Then removing the foul smelling feathered fowl from his flattened forehead, he said. " Okay you're right,I'm not really a Tibetan Sailor, I'm with British Secret Service and licenced to fish."
Then pointing his rod at the other two, he backed off into the inky darkness of the night.
There was the sound of a Chinese 455 flying junk, taking off into the fully moon lit sky. Silence then shrouded the dark, dreary, dank,dangerous dismal, yet well designed, boggy area where the other two companions, stood knee deep in molding mulm.

Somewhat startled by all of this, but still pouting and panting from that last brief, but passionate encounter, with the chicken-headed intruder. The mother-in-law personage, enjoying the coolness of the mushy mud on her well foliage covered legs, took an electric razor from her carry on luggage and deftly shaved off her beard and moustache, revealing .......

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 9:15AM
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youreit

....luminescent skin and high cheekbones, the beauty of which brought others from the forum to gather at the lady's feet.

"I thought I saw a light down here at the pond, but...your skin, it's positively glowing!"

"Yes, m'dear," MIL purred, patting the adoring fan on the noggin, "it's all about the koi clay."

"HA!! KOI CLAY, my foot!" shouted...

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 9:54AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Klaude the Koi. "I've witnessed everything and have been keeping a journal! And, yes, it was banjo music you heard. I've secretly been taking lessons." Klaude then said that he would "leak" some information in return for shiny coins tossed into the shallow end of the pond. After hearing a PLUNK and feeling the tantalizing sensation from the ripple of the water over his dorsal fin, he quickly began to spill all the information he knew. He finally told that the glow from the MIL's skin was actually a result of a sinister plot by the British Secret Service to...

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 10:40AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

.... test a new lunar activated sun screen.
Meanwhile the Chinese flying junk can be heard to return to the landing zone, next to the kitchen deck, that is near the back fence, which runs along parallel to the small stream that feeds the boggy pond that those two fools are still standing in.
But not for long me thinks, as there are footsteps heard coming from the direction of the landing zone, next to the kitchen deck, etc, etc etc,
"Ah ha", said the figure that emerges from the direction of the landing zone , next to the kitchen deck, etc, etc, etc, "What have we here"?

The luminescent one replies............

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 1:07PM
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zinniachick(southwest Ohio)

"No... no, put the toaster down! No, don't come any closer!!"

As luck would have it, the webfooooted one's cumbersome toes tangled in the extension cord, rendering moot any murderous intent.

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 1:23PM
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bihai(zone 9)

To which the luminescent one replied....
"Withdraw from the field, oh foul one, or I will feed you to the BATPLANTS! And as he withdrew......

Here is a link that might be useful:

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 2:50PM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

"CLUCKLUNK!" went the banjo, as he tripped over it and careened face first into the Savio skimmer.
"(this piece purged by GW)!!!!", he cried, as he tried to get his head out of the skimmer box.
"Here, lemme help", said MIL sweetly, ignoring the fowl language. "Don't you wish you had...

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 3:17PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

not tripped and careened face first into the Savio skimmer?!!! Here, try some of my lotion. I'll rub it all over your head and then you should slip free!" Suddenly the lotion began to glow and the pond area was lit like...

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 4:44PM
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sheepco(MN z4)

the magnificent Northern Lights seen in Alaska. Glowing, streaking, shimmering lights hovering around the pond. But they are not coming from the sky, but from within the pond, reflected on the faces of those in it's light. And yet another figure emerges from the Pond HQ, staggering across the deck to behold the surreal glow. It's.....

    Bookmark   October 6, 2005 at 10:37PM
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youreit

...Spike (former owner of GW), looking bedraggled, bedashed, and altogether befuddled. Gazing at the glowing water feature, he murmurs, "Disneyland?"

"Someone get the man a chair! It appears he has an imprint of a....banjo...on the side of his head!"

Suddenly snapping out of his altogether befuddledness, Spike lunges toward MIL, grasping her dapper lapels in his fists and screaming, "They stole it all! They've turned her into a commercial pile of pink and green! Ye gods, man, it's ruined, I say!"

Whether out of anger from the gender misplacement or just because she was raised that way, MIL delivers a mighty slap to the side of Spike's face and declares...

    Bookmark   October 7, 2005 at 8:57AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

that she never entered anything off topic on the GW pond forum and just had her outfit dry cleaned, thereby questioning such disrespectful treatment. Yet, in the midst of the blinding lights and trying to straighten her lapels, she noticed a striking resemblence between the webfooted one and the slightly dazed and confused Spike, who then...

    Bookmark   October 7, 2005 at 9:34AM
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chickadeedeedee(z 6-7 ish Ohio)

......triggers the Scarecrow device which has blue dye and....

    Bookmark   October 7, 2005 at 1:39PM
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sheepco(MN z4)

peroxide suddenly spewing forth across those assembled...

    Bookmark   October 7, 2005 at 9:38PM
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pondmaninfl(z9 FL)

, causing them to go blond and losing their intelligence.

Meanwhile, in Florida, PondmaninFL is kicked back by his little water hole in a lounge chair with his sunglasses on and a ice cold glass of orange juice. Wearing his shorts and t-shirt, he still complains about the 90°F temperatures but is still at ease knowing that his pond will never freeze over and that most of the plants will still be green in December.

Back up north, DMIL says,".....

    Bookmark   October 7, 2005 at 9:59PM
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somethinsfishy(z5 NE)

sounding irritated and suddenly craving orange juice, perhaps what fell through the ice was an exterrestrial being. That might explain webfeety's behavior but not......

    Bookmark   October 8, 2005 at 12:37AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

why someone would switch the blue dye in the scarecrow to peroxide, unless...

    Bookmark   October 8, 2005 at 11:01AM
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pondmaninfl(z9 FL)

they wanted to move to Florida and fit in with all the other old women who drive 35 in a 55 speed zone. Otherwise it must be....

    Bookmark   October 8, 2005 at 3:08PM
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youreit

...because they believe the old wives' tale which pronounces that "blondes have more fun." Unless, of course, you're speaking of the webfoooooooooted one, who...

    Bookmark   October 9, 2005 at 7:48AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

swings both ways...(speaking of hair color, of course) one day it's blond, the next it's brunette. If it was the webfooooooooooooooooooooooted one who switched the dye, then it must have been a plot to blend in. At this point a loud whirring noise could be heard, but it turned out to be the wind whistling in all the ears of the peroxided group.
Meanwhile, Scott in Florida checks his tan and decides it's time to turn over. He then checks his watch, picks up his cell phone and dials...

    Bookmark   October 9, 2005 at 12:51PM
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pondmaninfl(z9 FL)

Domino's Pizza for a large supreme pizza. All this sunshine was making him hungry. Meanwhile, he was wondering.....

    Bookmark   October 9, 2005 at 9:36PM
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youreit

....why he continues to receive death threats from Northern pond folks. "They shouldn't hate me because I'm beautiful," he murmurs into the ear of the Domino's employee.

"Excuse me? Sir?"

"Uhhh, do you deliver to GW? Yes? Great, 3 large pizzas to the large pond on the left. Thanks!"

His skin now nearing the shade of GW pink, he decides to...

    Bookmark   October 10, 2005 at 8:56AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

try a new product labeled "lunar activated sun screen" that had just been delivered by a strange bearded looking gentlemen whose hair was flattened on top as if he had been wearing a rubber chicken on his head. As he began to slather on the lotion...

    Bookmark   October 10, 2005 at 10:29AM
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butterflybush

He realizes that it is not lotion, but pond PH Down and his skin begins to burn and bubble and in his haste to run to jump into the pond on the left he hits his head on the low door frame and falls flat on his back . When he comes to he is sitting in someone's private study dimly lit my a candle flame and in front of him is a computer screen glowing green and orange. "I must have been struck by lightning," he thinks, "and I musta passed out!" He swivels the chair and his jaw drops to the floor. There before him, in the dim private study lit only by one candle, are

    Bookmark   October 10, 2005 at 3:59PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

......his false teeth still attached to his jaw.
Bending over to pick them up he noticed two hairy legs ending a pair in rubber flippers standing right in front of him.
"OO ah ou"? He said [which wasn't really bad for a guy with his jaw and dentures missing] "An ou elp me pls?"
"Iv dripd mi eeth an yaw".

Will the hairy legged, flipper wearing stranger come to our heros aid and ass im ip is eeth an yaw?
OR will the stranger just.........

    Bookmark   October 10, 2005 at 5:20PM
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youreit

...wipe the tears of (politically incorrect) laughter from his eyes after hearing the Southern speech impediment from "ell"?

"Ahhh, Mr. Scott. We finally meet. Since your jaw is hardly threatening to me now, I shall give it to you, however, you will listen to our demands."

The loud click-and-snap noise is absorbed into the leather-bound books lining the walls as the stranger returns Scott's jaw back to his face.

"You're welcome. You have just been repaired by the President of...."

    Bookmark   October 11, 2005 at 8:57AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Domino's Pizza". I'm sorry to have to inform you that we laced your pepperoni pizza with a few bad mushrooms. We needed to get you on a corporate jet to the northern portion of the GW HQ, but knew you'd put up a fight. You hallucinated wildly and were babbling "An ou elp me pls?" "Iv dripd mi eeth an yaw".
Scott suddenly realized there was a strange chill in the air that he had never before experienced. Without thinking he...

    Bookmark   October 11, 2005 at 10:20AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

...sent a cryptic post into GW Pond Forum.....but it was intercepted by the Wicked Witch of the North and redirected to Ponders Without Borders HQ for decoding.
The message, once decoded, by a score of top analysts and their very very best friends, stated that all northern ponders ...............

    Bookmark   October 11, 2005 at 4:44PM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

are the BEST ponders, the most CARING people, the most LOVING fish and other pet owners, the most HANDSOME (if male) and most GORGEOUS (if female) in their hammocks at the side of their ponds, the GREATEST bargain hunters when making their own bottom drains, etc, etc.

Scott's important message was immediately dispersed to every ponder above the Mason Dixie line, and as soon as everyone read it, a peculiar sound could be heard all over the North. It sounded like...

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 7:19AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

the morning after six pints of Guinness and a baked bean and broccoli sandwich!

The air was thick with an awful stench and a green ousing slimy sticky yucky, but sort of nice, sweet tasting stuff, dripping from every building.
It would seem that the north had been "Yucked over"!
Just when they figured they were safe from any evil doer, a dastardly prank had been pulled on them........ and we all know who perpetrated this cowardly deed............It was of course that yucking cowardly doer of many evils and addmitted nose picker .......

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 9:31AM
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youreit

...the President of Dominos Pizza (boogers extra on any medium-sized pizza or larger).

"Ah ha HA ha *urp* HA ha ha *pphhht* Ha! We have brain-washed the Southern Pondman In FL (SPIF for short)! Our mission is accom-"

A loud suction noise is heard throughout Pondland, Inc., as the P. of D.P.'s hair piece goes flying out the window.

A voice is heard from above. "Don't mind me, eh! Fall cleaning, doncha know!"

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 10:35AM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

*Brenda. Excuse you.*

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 3:38PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

"Who said that???" screeched SPIF aka Scott, looking to the heavens. The voice from above shouted, "I've come to save you, but when I opened the cargo door of my aircraft, it seems to have decompressed, making my misson impossible. Now I have a ghastly smelly hair piece over my face, which is forcing me to..."

    Bookmark   October 12, 2005 at 8:25PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

....land and buy some dandruff shampoo"! said the rubber chicken clad British Secret Service agent, who had been circling the area above the boggy pond in the stolen Chinese 455 flying junk while all this other stuff that has nothing to do with the true story that is still going on behind this smoke screen put up by the agents of the anti-sugar on your porridge group from Tulsa and some other place, just to throw the good doers off the scent of uncovering the mastermind of all these evil plots [and being first in line for the fresh donut's]is the creepy puppeteer, who is really pulling all the strings whilst being hidden by a curtain of secrecy and a cute little costume topped off with a smiley face Halloween mask from Wal-Mart,.......... none other than that despicable, yet cheerful, lover of practical jokes, can it really be, yes it is ...........

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 8:54AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

...that #1 authority of perfection and of course, Queen of fresh baked pastries, Martha Stewart! Her recent prison stay permitted some "free time" with a couple of double crossing master minds of evil, who helped her...

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 9:22AM
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youreit

...fire an apprentice or 2 from a cannon as though shooting frosting from a...pastry frosting thingamajigger.

"And so...ummm...then! Yeah, then...where was I? Story?! What story?!" said...

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 9:52AM
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isis_nebthet(8b/11suns SoCA)

Adrea..

    Bookmark   October 13, 2005 at 5:32PM
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isis_nebthet(8b/11suns SoCA)

She was too busy worrying about how close those gator eating pythons were to Scott to pay attention the whole time.

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 1:27AM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

All right, Adrea, here's a review, so we can get back to the story. There was the sweet MIL, the tibetan sailor secret agent with the rubber chicken on his hairpiece, and Scott, who was forced by the secret agent to write the obvious truth in that secret letter, yes, eh, where were we, then the secret agent arrived from Tulsa in his flying boat and hovered over Scott while making belching noises, and admitted it was all because of Martha Stewart firing his apprentice.
He apparently needed to make a mental adjustment to the fact that he needed to hire a different apprentice, this is as clear as a New England sky on a bright winter day after a snow storm, because apparently he was hovering over Scottman in Florida, thinking of making him his new apprentice. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. And that in the middle of a dark, dank, and stormy night.
Scott, who was lurking at the shallow side of his pond, with his mother-in-law, his bullfrog, his banjo, and with Tater Tot, tried desperately to...

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 9:05AM
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youreit

...shoo off the heron, which landed only inches from his feet in the shallow water. However, his hands were too full of bullfrog, banjo, and (bundle of joy) Tater Tot to attempt any shooing whatsoever, so he....

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 10:22AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

blew his false teeth out of his mouth, hitting the heron and causing it to become very angry. Instead of flying away, it...

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 11:20AM
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isis_nebthet(8b/11suns SoCA)

yells "Get out here". To his suprise the heron opens it's bill and begins to speak. It says...

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 11:31AM
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hnladue(z5NY)

..."why is Scott's skin all blue????" Aparently the scarecrow was left on with blue dye still in it... Then one of the koi from the pond said.....

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 12:30PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

..."Cool, a talking heron!!!" The koi then introduced himself to the heron, "Hello, I'm Claude. Now that we all know we can talk, grab my banjo from the blue dude." The heron quickly attacked Scott's head, rendering him useless, then grabbed the banjo and dropped it into the pond. At that point, Claude the Koi began to play "She'll be comin' 'round the mountain" while...

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 4:30PM
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imaginators(z6 KY)

Hey guys, I havn't been posting lately but I just read in another post that Scott is not happy with this particular post. If I read correctly, he is very offended. I thought I let you know.
Theresa

    Bookmark   October 14, 2005 at 11:27PM
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jeffahayes(8a Upstate SC)

I deliberately avoided this "group participation story" thread because I knew this would come to no good, and that eventually someone would become the butt of most of the jokes. And now I see that it's happened to Scott, much to my dismay, and with Mary just casually giving my dear Tater Tot to Scott, totally forgetting, I guess that HIS dog is named Frances Jeanne, after the two hurricanes which proceeded her adoption.

There are some dark undercurrents in this forum, and they will drag everyone down, given the opportunity. A thread such as this one is just an open invitation to that.

It's not fun any more -- particularly to Scott, who deserves an apology. And this should come to an end.
Jeff

    Bookmark   October 15, 2005 at 12:23AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

Well so much for uninteresting political baffle gas and attempted censorship.

On with our compelling story.......while the rubber chicken wearing secret agent tried his best to stop choking with laughter and get down to the serious work of being a serious secret agent and doing all that serious stuff that being serious is supposed to be when you are being seriously serious.
Snatching the plunking banjo away from the out of tune plunking players hands, he threw it with all the strength he could muster, in the direction of the waiting Chinese 455 flying junk, there was a loud................

    Bookmark   October 15, 2005 at 5:44PM
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jeffahayes(8a Upstate SC)

sucking sound, as a dark, nasty undercurrent began pulling everyone and everything in the vicinity towards its black heart of darkness.

Homeland Security agents were immediately dispatched to determine the source of this great, dark disturbance in the force, and soon discovered it led to Ontario, so they...

    Bookmark   October 15, 2005 at 11:21PM
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chickadeedeedee(z 6-7 ish Ohio)

......alert the Royal Canadian Goosi who were promptly dispatched to run a surveillance mission only to discover the merry Canadians installing their A/C units! What? Air conditioners at this time of year? In Canada?

Hmmmm. Obviously a misunderstanding in the communications systems. Something to do with the solar flares? The full moon? The Chinese? :-)

The Goosi fly back to the pond where they just witness the heron snatching Claude the koi and flying off with him to....

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 10:45AM
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youreit

...the mysterious and strange world of Disneyland, where Spike was happily entrenched in the moat muck of It's a Small World, attempting to unclog the bottom drain.

In the background could be heard the Southern version of...

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 1:25PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

.......the old RCG song. "My necks not long enough to eat the grass and I'm too fat to fly, so I sit around on my a$$ all day and think what a good boy am I", in the key of F Fat major, all the time accompanied on the chair leg and toilet brush holder, by none other than our ever talented, rubber chicken donned hero, who had landed the Chinese 455 flying junk just in time for the sing-a-long.

[It may interest our interested readers that as a matter of interest, it was interesting to discover an interesting fact about our interesting hero's interests. Beside sing-alongs and musical accompaniments. He trained with the RCG Squadron in low lying flying exercises over the low lying countries low lying flying exercises areas, before becoming a secret British agent in the British Secret Agency, where all things British are secret, but they like to blab about every one else.
[Just poking fun, all you Brits out there. Hope your right Kassie, about them being thick skinned!!!];):)

Anyway back to the story.
The sing-along party was going along smashingly well,with everyone [*well nearly everyone]including the chicken, joining in, when suddenly they felt the ground shake....was it a tremor.....was it an earthquake?,.... ....... was it the breakfast prunes?...... no oh no! it was...........

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 3:51PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Martha Stewart, sporting her newly acquired (and rather becoming, might I add) weight gain, as she crossed the landing zone, next to the kitchen deck, that is near the back fence, which runs along parallel to the small stream that feeds the boggy pond.
"No, no, no," she exclaimed! "The music and all the party favors are all wrong!!!" Would she crash the party or would she...

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 5:32PM
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pondmaninfl(z9 FL)

give out copies of her new book,"How to Redecorate Your Prison Cell on a Low Income." She was so pleased with the book that....

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 9:09PM
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bihai(zone 9)

...she forgot that she had not included a chapter on "Pest Control in Prison". Snatching up a can of "OFF!", she jumped the stream and ran headlong into the.....

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 9:31PM
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jeffahayes(8a Upstate SC)

U.S. Border Patrol and Royal Mounted Canadian Goosi, who promptly cuffed her for border jumping in violation of her extended probation agreement and carted her back to the Correctional Country Club, where she promptly...

    Bookmark   October 16, 2005 at 9:54PM
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Mikey(SoCal-Z10-22/23)

called Donald Trump and asked if she could borrow his hair styling gel to which he said...

    Bookmark   October 17, 2005 at 12:46AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

...."I find with doing my hair,if you can't beat them join them! [which seems to be the trend] with anything that is handy, the grease of some of my associates palms, after a deal has been made, comes to mind".

Then glancing out of the Trump Towers penthouse window he spied a large object with frilly sails flying past at a slow speed.
There seemed to be people cooking with Chinese woks on an open fire and a guy with a chicken on his head, standing up front steering this dilapidated airbourne vessel in the direction of Central Park.
Could DMIL and our other fun loving adventure seeking nitwits be landing on the lake in Central Park? Are they paying a visit to the "Big Apple" for some RnR and a Broadway show or could it be that they have zeroed in on the secret hiding place of the dreaded.........

    Bookmark   October 17, 2005 at 9:20AM
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fairy_toadmother

stay-puft marshmallow man resurrected by the ghost busters...following the giant slug trail, the fearless nitwits, thinking themselves invincible, step into the muck and begin to sink...a banjo plays in the background..."jeremiah was a bullfrog...." the sky darkens...but a light shines from above...

    Bookmark   October 17, 2005 at 8:27PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

from Hilary Clinton's beaming smile. Seeing our dimwitted friends sinking into the muck below, Hilary stretches down and plucks them up and away from their certain doom.
"I've had dealings with a Puft Marshmallow before", she explained to the muck covered nitwits," and I know how to handle these affairs, without becoming too excited in public. "Have a shower, dump the chicken hat and make three wishes in the shadow of Trump Tower exactly at mid-night", Then she was gone, leaving our motley crew to decide what to wish for.
What will this intrepid band of singing travellers wish for at mid-night?
Will they find the Trump Tower or will some other devilish snag foil their good fortune?
It is ten minuets before mid-night and they begin running..........in the direction of.......

    Bookmark   October 17, 2005 at 9:02PM
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fairy_toadmother

..the nutcracker factory...

    Bookmark   October 17, 2005 at 9:14PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

......"home at last, home at last shouted the DMIL, donning the rubber chicken, which she had scooped up and hidden on her person, after our BSS agent had dutifully dumped it.

Looking at his watch he realised it was now ten minutes after mid-night, they had not found Trump Tower in time, so the wishes granted them by smiling Hillary, were null and void. Dismayed and filled with anger, the BSS agent,[who by the way was known as Jimmy Bind by the Secret Service fraternity]snatch his rubber chicken from DMIL head. Only then did he notice that drawn on the inside of the rubber clucker, was a map of Switzerland and a large "X" marked a spot near the center of the mountainous region of Herzogenbuchsee. [as the Swiss plumber had said to his apprentice on releasing a young womans big toe from the shower drain]
Back to the park and after loading the 455 flying junk with junk food and other non-essential items, they fired up the wok burner which doubled as a power supply to the main thrusters, then our gallant, but naive and really simple-head, but undaunted, seekers of fame and adventure [or a little win on the state lottery] took off into the moon lit sky.
Up up they went, onward ore' the bounding main at tree top level, [Jimmy Bind just liked to show of his low flying skills] toward more crazy adventures?
What could befall next us thought the DMIL who's head had not quite stopped smarting from the whiplash of the rubber chicken being yanked of her Yankee head by gimmie Jimmy the yanker,..................When suddenly the flying junks main thruster went silent, right over the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. "Oh NOOOOOO! Mr Bill," she screamed as the now silently gliding junk's nose descended into the dark cold waters of the ocean............

    Bookmark   October 18, 2005 at 8:51AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

where several shadowy figures could be seen below the murky waters of doom. "What tha h---?!!?", our hairbrained bunch thought in unison, as they realized the figures were several members of the old Saturday Night Live cast. Apparantly they had been evoked from beyond by the magical words, "Oh no, Mr. Bill" chanted by DMIL. John Belushi quickly pulled his Samari sword and ...

    Bookmark   October 18, 2005 at 10:15AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

....deftly chopped the veggies ready to be cooked in the ever steaming wok.
Quickly sliding into their underwater slinky fitting chartreuse coloured survival suits, the band of shivering nitwits, then wopped right into the lovely fish and veggie meal that the shimmering Brother Blue conjured up while they were dressing.

Owing to a large gas bubble that filled the hull of the slowly sinking vessel, [the gas being brought on by devouring the Brother Blue fish and veggie stew] the junk began to surface again much to the joy of all on board the stalwart craft.

Saying their good-byes to the glowing Brother Blue, it was all hands to the pumps, dry the firewood and be back on their journey to the land where they eat cheese and yodel, but not usually at the same time! Can be messy!

Engines running, sails set, woks steaming, our happy and still singing bunch of no-brained nomads, normalised nautical things on board and took off again into the blue clear sky.

But threatening storms and a cold supper, lay in wait over Ireland for this brave group.
Would they ever reach their goal, will they weather the storm, will that fickle hand of fate bring them pint of Guinness and a black puddin'bun or more trials and tribulations?

The ship lurched on, the skies once again darkened there was a flash of lightening and suddenly .........

    Bookmark   October 18, 2005 at 12:23PM
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fairy_toadmother

i giant hand reaches down from the clouds, bodilessly declaring, "the salmon mousse"...the pair fancied it to be none other than john cleese. why not? they are near britain, by jove! suddenly they realize mousse isn't cooked in a wok. however, still concerned, DMIL asked, "wait. are we dead?"

    Bookmark   October 18, 2005 at 10:08PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

...straight ahead for the Emerald Isle I meant to add", she added, because she had forgot to the first time!
The salmon mousse had been laced with a powerful memory dimming drug, the only cure being six pints of draught Guinness, administered by mouth.

"Yes" it's old Hibernia", replied the Bold Bind excitedly,looking out through his electronic pedal powered telescope "I can see the Guinness brewery in Saint James Gate from here, keep pedalling DMIL"
The flying junk was quickly made ready for landing, all items not required were thrown overboard. What was left of Brother Blues fish and veggie went first, then six hundred thousand copies of Bill Clinton's book "My Life", that had been secretly stowed on board by Hilary, rained down upon the fair city of Dublin.

Soon the landing was made within the courtyard of the famous brewery. A dark stout man stood there to welcome our group of thirsty wayfarers.
He must be the brewer they thought, him being a dark stout man, or maybe even the porter, that they had read about in the Brewers Digest Weekly. But as they came closer to the standing figure they realised it was none other than their Nemesis, the horrible, but somewhat hansome...........

    Bookmark   October 19, 2005 at 9:35AM
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fairy_toadmother

"POW" SHRAPNEL FLIES EVERYWHERE...."WHOOOOOSH....BAM! (hey emeril, this isn't your story) KABLEWIE!...the I.R.A. attacks! unintentional, but nonetheless damaging...the barrage from on high, falling upon helpless bystanders and causing destruction to public buildings triggered flashbacks to the wars between northern and southern ireland. their leader was quietly minding her own business at the pub, joyfully tossing out the old drunkards left and right if they dared make a pass at her...but old habits die hard and she pulled the pin from grenade that she had stashed in her...

    Bookmark   October 19, 2005 at 8:07PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

,which smarted quiet badly for several yrs now. Then she suddenly realized she had pulled the pin prematurely, but as fate would have it...

    Bookmark   October 20, 2005 at 9:45AM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

, the grenade was made of swiss cheese! After the explosion it had even more holes, and grated swiss cheese rained down everywhere.
"Get the crackers!" cackled the grizzly old IRA leader in her beer. It foamed around her mouth.
When the pub owner saw the foam, he thought she was a dog in the grip of a terrible attack of rabies, and he had her locked up in a canine quarantine facililty on the coast of Donegal.

Meanwhile there was a commotion out in front of the pub. "We've been brewing since 1759," bellowed the dark, stout man. "But now we have something special! New, Improved Guinness!"
The entire group burst out in giggles. This proved beyond a doubt that the man was....

    Bookmark   October 20, 2005 at 10:21AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

....it was only a dream the DMIL was having, as she had dosed off during the dazzling welcoming ceremony, which started of by the stout man, who was not really a stout man [or even THE Stoutman] but the one and only, Michael Flattley in a padded suit, which he quickly cast aside and started poncing all around the cobbled courtyard, to music provided by a bunch of rough looking individuals, playing on some even weired looking and sounding instruments.

All the time this was going on, fireworks and flash-pots were bursting and exploding all around the area.
[That would account for DMIL's reverie about the IRA,but who are now disbanded and dis-armed we are glad to report]

Fancy feet Flattley was soon joined by a bevy of beautiful bouncing short kilt clad females, who were deftly tapping out a rat-a-tat-tat-tat, with their dancing feet on the cobbles.

It was only then our groups leader, the bold Jimmy Bind realised the dancers taps were in Morse code.
By God! there was a message there he was soon translating it to the group " Get to h--- out of here before Twinkle Toes Flattley bores you to death about how wonderful he is" The message went on to warn our star struck foot tapping mouth agape fools, "That Flattley plans to take you all hostages until, he hopes, they will let him dance in Rivernet one more time".

Pretending to join in the dance the travellers skipped and tripped over the ancient cobbled courtyard, toward the every ready flying junk and leaped aboard,. Soon they were airbourne once again, sweating and panting from their lucky escape form the self proclaimed, Lord of the Dances grasp.

Setting course now, away from the Irish coastline and travelling in a NE direction, the trio and crew bunked down for the night, closing their eyes for a well earned rest. But only after downing the dozen pints of Guinness the third member of the group, [no one could remember who he/she was as he has been so quite since this adventure began ?] had managed to place carefully on board the flying junk just prior to take off.
What adventures would the morn bring to these brave hungover souls as their craft headed in the direction of Bonnie Scotland and the unknown............

    Bookmark   October 20, 2005 at 10:51AM
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fairy_toadmother

DMIL, waking from slumber and wondering why they left before she truly started enjoying her buzz, realized he (whose name i have forgotten) was hallucinating that the tapping was morse code. "you acid trip, no good....i could had a V-10!" she ranted, or dribbled, or slurred, whatever the case may be.

meanwhile, "Many miles away something crawls from the slime at the Bottom of a dark Scottish lake..."

    Bookmark   October 20, 2005 at 9:56PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

The morning came and they found themselves silently sailing over the beautiful purple coloured hills of ancient Caledonia.
Having made good their escape from the redundant River Dance man and excellent time crossing the Irish Sea, it was decided that a landing should be made in the wee glen below, where everyone could stretch their legs and relieve themselves of the previous nights Guinness.

As the junk touched down onto the heather covered landing area, there was a bump and a muffled cry hear by all on board.
Looking over the junks rail there appeared before them a very red faced, kilted person, wearing a feathered bonnet and a pair of wellington boots. The travellers could not but notice, that few feet from this embarrassed looking wild-man, tethered to a large rock, an equally embarrassed looking sheep.

" Kin ye no look at whaur yir goin'", said the red faced kilted stranger."Ah wis jist ha'in' a whiz when yis near enuff tumilt mi on ma arse"! "Yooos kood hae kilt me an mi sheep thi gither, so yis kood", he snorted.
Then looking straight at our adventurers reluctant leader, the ruddy Scotsman fell to his knees " It's yooo,it's yooo I ken fine it's yooo,! "yooor Sean Connery"!
[It should be pointed out at this juncture, that indeed our hero did in fact greatly resemble this fellow Scotsman, the greatest portrayer of James Bond [007] and unofficial King of the Scots, Sean Connery]

"Yil hae to cum hame wi me and meet the wife an'the wee bairns", said their new found friend, who was obviously overcome with excitement, having just been bumped up the jacksie with a Chinese flying junk, driven by none other than the person whom he believed to be his royal master and saviour of Scotland from English domination and night after night after night of "Coronation Street" on the tele.

They all willingly set off for the nearest clachan, but all the time still wondering, what the hell this red faced, kilted and wellie wearing, wild-man, had in fact said to them?
And why on earth did that poor sheep look so nervous, thought DMIL?
Only time will tell................or will it?

    Bookmark   October 20, 2005 at 10:59PM
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fairy_toadmother

and, wondering to himself, "sean connery was from wales, wasn't he? what a strange man."...

..."Many miles away something crawls to the surface of a dark Scottish lake"...

    Bookmark   October 21, 2005 at 8:35PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

All seemed disturbingly quiet as night fell, while the group recovered from their narrow escapes, (plus all their digestive disorders from all the Guinness)in the strange Scottish man's quaint cottage. An entire day and night went by without any further mishaps. At the break of day, the smell of thick smoked bacon wafted throughout the cottage. The sun rose on a new day, as the fog hung thick ore the glenn. Oddly, the children were already outside and the only evidence of the man's wife was his first mention of her. Suddenly the familiar and soothing sound of trickling water broke the silence and the group became homesick, apparant by the "ooooooooooooooooooh" unconsciously whispered in unison. The all walked toward the door and flung it open, and stood staring, and befuddled at the sight before them.

    Bookmark   October 21, 2005 at 9:21PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

.........Five thousand extremely hairy, blue painted faced, kilt wearing highlanders,brandishing rusty claymores and wooden targes, stood silently before our three eye popping adventurers.

The leader of the group and Clan Chief "Big Mac" MacDonald's oldest legitimate son and heir, "Wee Mac" MacDonald, stepped forward,knelt down on one knee before the trio.
"We're fit an' ready fur the march on Inglind yir majesty," he proclaimed to the astounded Jimmy Bind the British Secret Agent and dead ringer for Sean Connery, unofficial king of Scotland.
"We hiv waitit o'er twa hundrit years fir anither go at them b-------s,he added," Plus we want a go on yon big melaluminium wheelie thing they've bult in Lundin".

Will our friends give up on their planned secret but widely known about, trip to Switzerland and instead join in on the march on England and the capital, to settle old scores and have a wee ride on the Big Wheel?
Decisions, decisions, all the time it's decisions..............

    Bookmark   October 22, 2005 at 8:38AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Wiping the sleep from her eyes and trying to gather her thoughts with the sudden turn of events, DMIL broke the silence, "We thought we heard the soothing sound of a waterfall. What gives?" Wee Mac McDonald spoke up, "Ah mum, twas jist a few of us, releavin' erselfes, after da loong merch. We're sorry, but sooome of er faces were turnin' blue already." "Pew, what's thet putrid smell?", the children complained. They thought for sure their little Scottish terrier, with the bladder problem, had found it's way back home.
Meanwhile, back at the flying junk, something slithered over the rail and hid, to await the arrival of the motley crew. It appears to have crawled from the slime at the bottom of a dark Scottish lake which was nearby, but wait...suddenly there were two...(or either, the same one had surfaced twice.)
Back at the cottage, using mental telepathy, the traveling trio pondered what they should do, when a blood curdling scream suddenly broke the silence and echoed through the fog...

    Bookmark   October 22, 2005 at 11:30AM
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fairy_toadmother

...it was the mating call of ....

not so "Many miles away Theres a shadow on the door Of a cottage on the shore Of a dark Scottish lake"...the shadow cast by the constant foggy weather appeared, creeping humongously in the mist...approaches the cottage where the trio has resided. SUDDENLY THERE IS A THUMP OUTSIDE AND A STRANGE DRAGGING SOUND....no one saw it approach b/c everyone had entered the little cottage. yes, even those with the blue faces. you see, they felt a kinship after seeing some blue stain in DMIL's hair...the SHADOW HAS NOW REACHED THE TOP OF THE COTTAGE, CLOSER, CLOSER, closer...inside, someone hears a sound at the door...the host approaches, reaches for the lever and is met on the other side with...

"Allooo chum, con ye get me a lift to the loc? me wive es callin me..."

    Bookmark   October 22, 2005 at 10:00PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

"Och it's only Nessie, oot fur a wee walk an stoapped by tae say hello and cheerio the noo, tae the visitors from away", said Wee Mac.
The worried trio, now relieved took this opportunity to introduce themselves to the renowned loch monster, the whole clan and not before time, each other!

Jimmy Bind of course, went first and bored everyone with his life story and dubious credentials.

Then it was the DMIL, whom it turned out was not a DMIL at all, but Detective Inspector Mikhail Pogostickavitch of the Moscow CID, who had been, in fact, hot on the trail of the third member of the trio, whom up to this point had not spoken nor divulged in any manner, information about him/her self to the other two companions or for that matter anyone else, other than the sheep.

Taking a firm hold on the, up till now, unidentified, third member of their group, Detective Inspector Mikhail Pogostickavitch, pulled the one piece face mask and skin tight fitting costume away, to reveal to all and sundry who were waiting there, with baited breath and quizzical looks on their startled faces, wondering what this uncovering may disclose..........

In a flash, there stood before them, unclothed and unashamed, but still smarting, from having all the body hair pulled off along with the snug fitting costume, was..................

    Bookmark   October 23, 2005 at 8:55AM
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fairy_toadmother

......was........

    Bookmark   October 24, 2005 at 10:53PM
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chickadeedeedee(z 6-7 ish Ohio)

.....an ostrich. Detective Inspector Mikhail Pogostickavitch had once wished for "a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say" and there she stood happy to be out of that darn disguise.

The Detective, trying to explain why his ostrich chick was there said.....

    Bookmark   October 25, 2005 at 12:02AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

Ostrich was really a nickname, the DI explained. What he really meant was that the young feathered covered woman was from Ostrichalia [as Australia was pronounced in his part of Moscow]so he had nicknamed her "Ostrich Chick"

The story went that they had fell madly in love with each other, when the met during an ITERPOL investigation, into a used chewing gum and slightly soiled toilet tissue recovery and laundering operation, being carried out by a yet undiscovered, group of desperate dry cleaners and pressers.

Well there was no room for love in the crime fighting/ spy business, so the Ostrich Chick had to be scrubbed off the laundering case.
Now they were back together and had been all these weeks. It had been torture for them both and our readers all these lonnnngggg weeks. But true love will always find a way!

Jimmy the self proclaimed leader of the group, snapped them all back to cruel reality. "There has to be a decision made and made quickly" he said. "A request has been asked of our services, now I ask you all, do we march on England or do we head on and complete our quest, what ever it is, in Switzerland ?"

Ballot boxes were set up all over the glen. Four dozen "Chaff Counters" were flown in from Florida USA, to assist with the vote tabulations.

Six weary weeks later, the winning choice was ready to be announced at the village pub at noon.

Would our group march with the clans to England or will they fly onto Switzerland and complete their mission...........

    Bookmark   October 25, 2005 at 10:19AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

As noon approached, several hundred adoring townsmen gathered to raise their flasks to the once weary, but now wested wanderers.
The trio's red faced skirted host began the tribute...however, two sentences into his speech, a fight broke out amongst some ruddy bystanders. It seemed several burly onlookers were smitten with Ostrich Chick and had their eyes on her for quite some time now. The scuffle caused a cloud of dust to rise in the air in front of the pub, at which point the distant and muffled screams of Ostrich Chick could be heard. Suddenly the unmistakable voice of the Clan Chief "Big Mac" MacDonald could be heard over the Ostrich's screams, "We'll git ya fer makin' us believe ya wore our beluved Sean Connery!"
The swiftly thinking Jimmy and DI quickly headed for their long awaiting aircraft, because they always heard if you have a problem, you should rise above it. Once powered up, the craft rose and jolted over the tree tops and they...

    Bookmark   October 25, 2005 at 2:53PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

Shouted down at the irate, fist shaking, hairy crowd below, "Up your kilts, ya bunch of haggis eatin'savages, we're off to the Continent and new adventures".
Something that they may live to regret!

The junk sailed off across the sky, the trio sat back,relieved that they had once again managed to outwit, outplay, outlast and survive another potentially volatile situation and plus they all agreed, they could go for a ride on the "Big Wheelie Thing" another time.

Within a few hours they were crossing the coastline of Holland and locked on a course that would take them right into the heart of Germany.

It was just then that they heard the bleat coming from under a tarpaulin that was bunched up in the corner of the prominade deck. Jimmy stepped over to the ballooning tarpaulin and pulling it aside revealed the sheep standing there with a cute look on it's face.
"Now we are four",announced Jimmy, who had taken a shine to the wooly ovine, from that first moment they clapped eyes on each other in the heather covered glen.
He had even began sporting a medallion, that was inscribed with the words "I Love Ewe".
This eliminated any doubt in the other two companions minds, about just whom had smuggled the lanolin laden ruminant aboard the junk!
But now thoughts of weinersnitzel,steins of flowing lager, Oompah bands and lederhosen, filled their minds, so it was decided they should land for a quick snack, a couple of beers, a sing-along with the band and try on some new duds.

They soon dropped anchor outside the quaint little village of Uberdasreinbowbergen, and there, to their total surprise, was the villages, brass helmeted, postmaster, running toward them, waving what looked like a telegram in his outstretched hand.

The message in the telegram stated that..........

    Bookmark   October 25, 2005 at 8:55PM
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fairy_toadmother

....but they never found out! the quaint little villagers suddenly stopped, eyes bugled out, and ran screaming the other directions. everyone looked at each other..."what the...?" then, from behind came the sleepy voice..."aaye, are we thar yae? me bonnie lass haf ben holerin' fer a fortnight...a im fellin rath'r parched." there he was, nessie, the mystery of the fleeing crowd solved.

    Bookmark   October 25, 2005 at 11:37PM
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ARUM(7)

And then...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 12:59AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

You'll never believe it......

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 7:47AM
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ARUM(7)

All at once...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 8:45AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Der Vienersnitzel in the middle of the town square burst into flames and saurkraut and onions flew everywhere! The force from the blast knocked the postmaster to the ground, and the telegram floated up to the junk and came to rest square atop the sheep's head. Jimmy quickly snatched the telegram, said "Yuk, it's got ewe on it", then opened it and read aloud: "HELP, I'VE BEEN ABDUCTED. DIDN'T YOU REALIZE I'M NOT ON THE FLYING JUNK?" SIGNED: OSTRICH CHICK. The DI, not being able to control his rage, punched Jimmy in the jaw, jumped on Nessie's back and over the rail of the junk they went, to the ground below...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 10:40AM
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ARUM(7)

Not realizing until it was too late, that all over the icky surface was a pile full of...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 4:32PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

Loch Ness monster S---, which sold for a fortune in Germany, where all they could buy was rocking horse manure and wooden decoy duck droppings.

The DI, upset at loosing his main squeeze, along with some of the flying junks unhappy crew members, broke into the arms locker in the captains cabin and appeared on the promenade deck threateningly,brandishing either a left or right limb......mutiny was at hand so speak ......
"What's afoot"?, said our hero.
"A bigger calibre", was the reply from the crazed bunch of arm toting discontents that stood before him.
Would he be elbowed out of command or could he finger the leader and get a grasp of the problem.....
Only time will tell........ Switzerland and the truth awaited...............

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 5:30PM
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fairy_toadmother

meanwhile, nessie, realizing everyone had totally lost their noodles, especially the offending one that jumped on him,,,and not knowing where he was, went to look for sunscreen...afterall, he has sensitive skin and has been out of the water for some time. ..he thought to himself, "hmmmm, 'p'haps me bonnie lass will heer me calln."

suddenly, the villagers heard a low rumbling, buildings were shaking, and a rising pitch...they fleed for their lives thinking "AIR RAID!" BUT! our folks have heard a similar sound before...it was the lovesick nessie...their hearts melted and their brains went numb...what should they do?!

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 5:58PM
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ARUM(7)

Ahhh! Love was in the air, so...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 6:12PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

...but first, they need to quench their thirst. Jimmy was having visions of a stein of dark, rich lager that he remembered from his childhood. (Yes, from his childhood. Hey, Jimmy would be first to admit, that he had a wee bit of a drinking problem!) Nonetheless, the twosome left the craft unattended and entered a nearby pub. After downing a few, Jimmy wiped the foam from the sheep's lips, then they began making their way back to the flying junk, when...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 6:17PM
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ARUM(7)

there was a great flash of light and JeffAHayes opened his eyes to find TaterTot busy at he keyboard to his computer...

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 6:39PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

THE END!

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 9:19PM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

*Well done folks. Let's do another one when the snow flies outside!*

:) Mary

#101 and counting

    Bookmark   October 26, 2005 at 10:08PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

Oh No!
This must be a first? I have never seen a thread go more than 100 posts??
THE END AGAIN.

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 8:16AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

The story got published, sold millions of copies all over the globe and Jeff and Tator Tot lived happily ever after!

THE END AGAIN

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 10:12AM
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hnladue(z5NY)

And then a movie staring Pierce Bronson as Jeff and Benji as Tater Tot!

THE END!

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 10:52AM
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isis_nebthet(8b/11suns SoCA)

hmmm....I wonder how far over 100 we can go. Okay no one bring up rocks on discussions lol.

Adrea

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 11:14AM
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ARUM(7)

Yeah, there's a book out now, and Jeff of course is the main character along with his sidekick TT. Last I heared he was going to appear on Judge Judy to be sued by Steven King. Now what do Jeff and Steven King have in common? I don't know, but THIS was a pretty weird story! :) Arum

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 3:05PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

Oh dear, somebody gonna get upset again! Tsk Tsk!

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 5:35PM
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ARUM(7)

Good grief, hope it wasn't anything I said, I have been gone a while, just tryin to join in on the fun. :) Arum

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 6:08PM
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fairy_toadmother

hmmm, what do jeff and steven king have in common? PUULLEEEASE don't tempt me!

    Bookmark   October 27, 2005 at 8:39PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

The valiant trio and their frendly sheep woke up from that joint nightmare, wiped the sweat from their heads, shook hands, kissed the sheep, and made up again.
All the misconceptions and bickering from the past few weeks were put aside and it was agreed the mission came first above all.

The flying junk, now loaded with beer, wieners and strudel [with Jimmy steering and now donning a brightly polished, brass, postmasters helmet], lifted eagerly into the air bound for the Swiss alps.

A few hours past. "We will land right there in the Canton of Lucerne", said Jimmy.
On hearing the word "Canton" the Chinese crew, all 24 of them, packed their bags and jumped over board thinking they were back home again in China, very glad to be away from these three lunatics who had commandeered their vessel.

The junk set down on the still, placid, calm, un-rippling surface of Lake Lucerne. "We will row from here on in", said Jimmy.
So with our three paddle-heads rowing, the sheep at the tiller, the flying junk now moved slowly and silently, not making any noise, across the lake toward the hideout of the evil Doctor Knoodleburger-Hanzoop, Bad Person and Acupuncturist.

On reaching the vaulted entrance to the sinister looking castle,they rang the door bell..... the door swung open.....and there stood........

    Bookmark   October 28, 2005 at 8:13AM
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ARUM(7)

wait,...the damp thick fog suddenly encompassed the castle, blocking all view of the door and it's occupant,-so the tired and very abused trio,(including the sheep), waited anxiously to see what would happen next, when an unusual humming was heared from overhead...

    Bookmark   October 28, 2005 at 8:58AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

It was the evil Dr. K-H's assistant, who had answered the door, but could see nothing for the fog. He now went to an upper floor window above the fog to try to see who could be disturbing him and his evil master's doings. Being he was afraid of heights, he began humming the song, "I'm so Dizzy" as he approached the 5th floor, which drifted down thru the fog to the ears of the still patiently waiting, soon to be guests of evil, below...

    Bookmark   October 28, 2005 at 10:18AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

.... this was the Ladies and Children's department and to the left of the escalator was Housewares and Anti-tank gun sales.
In the basement was the Ice Cream Parlour, Stables and Ostrich Farm.
It was so busy this afternoon in all departments, torture, acupuncture and eye-lid tattooing, were booked solid. The whole sinister [but fun place to be] castle, was busy with people milling around everywhere.

The people milling about, were of course millers, who's job it was to mill the corn, that made the flour, that made the dough, that made the bread ...........

    Bookmark   October 28, 2005 at 4:01PM
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ARUM(7)

that was made in , -you got it,- the house that Jack built. Jack lived not far from the castle, and all the folks from the castle, except for evil Dr K-H's assistent, this was because he was notorious for having the worlds worst breath and refused to use listerine, because he heared it causes cancer. Therefore those persons milling about with the sweet breath didn't want to get withen ten feet of him. Eventually...

    Bookmark   October 28, 2005 at 4:23PM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

....the ogre with the awful oral odour, came down stairs to see who was at the castle door?
"Yes,: he said exhaling a large blast of garlic and anchovy breath, "who are you lovely people".
Which knocked our adventurers right on their keesters, out like a light!
What will happen to our unconscious group, will they be playthings or pin cushions, for Dr Koodleburger-Hanzoop, Bad Person and Acupuncturist?
A dreadfully wicked laugh was heard from behind the ogre or was it from the ogre's behind?
Standing there grinning was...............

    Bookmark   October 29, 2005 at 3:54PM
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jeffahayes(8a Upstate SC)

I DO NOT look like Steven King.
(that was my brother)

you guys!!! :)

    Bookmark   November 10, 2005 at 1:02AM
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ARUM(7)

Jeff, I just thought I would throw that in, I know you got a good sense of humor! You do don't ya? :) Arum

    Bookmark   November 10, 2005 at 12:58PM
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fairy_toadmother

i don't know, jeff. you do have a green thumb and good old steven turned into a plant after sticking his finger in a meteorite...you do like science fiction and astronomy....

don't happen to have a pair of overalls, do ya? :)

    Bookmark   November 10, 2005 at 5:43PM
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jeffahayes(8a Upstate SC)

Yeah, I've even got the overalls, but I have more sense than to get "meteor sh**" on my fingers and turn green and fuzzy all over, even in a movie, lol.

But I really don't mind the comparison... Steven's got it goin' on, huh? :)

    Bookmark   November 11, 2005 at 3:00PM
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fairy_toadmother

he's a master!

    Bookmark   November 11, 2005 at 5:10PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

...and a KING! Unbelievable imagination. But, I can't watch some of his movies before bedtime. (((((shiver)))))

Jeff, I was beginning to think you forgot how very well liked you are among the forum members. :)

    Bookmark   November 11, 2005 at 8:07PM
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sleeplessinftwayne(z4-5 IND)

I think I just got whiplash.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2005 at 4:41AM
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horton(6 b Ontario.)

How does one remove vomit from the keyboard?

    Bookmark   November 12, 2005 at 6:25PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

What? I must be in the dark here. Is it what I said?

    Bookmark   November 12, 2005 at 8:31PM
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fairy_toadmother

sandy, lol! i picture you doing the tennis match thing with your head.

    Bookmark   November 12, 2005 at 9:42PM
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sleeplessinftwayne(z4-5 IND)

FTM. Right now all I want to do is avoid becoming one with the ball.
Poo, it's one of those things that is read between the lines and still doesn't make sense unless you have the secret code ring from the original participants, most of whom have departed the tennis court with the score tied, declaring the umpire is blind.
Sandy

    Bookmark   November 12, 2005 at 11:51PM
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youreit

Horton - very carefully? :D

As long as the score isn't something-love, I'll continue to watch. :p

Brenda

    Bookmark   November 13, 2005 at 12:09PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

I can only gather it's from past disagreements, so here is where I will leave this. That's what I get for asking!!!

    Bookmark   November 13, 2005 at 1:05PM
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fairy_toadmother

sandy, is it the steven king - jeff comparison that has you confused? if so, i can explain. if not, just in case, i won't write it here unless you ask :)

    Bookmark   November 13, 2005 at 6:36PM
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sleeplessinftwayne(z4-5 IND)

Thank you, FTM. It was not the comparison that has had me holding my breath. After the first decade there was a volley of backhand returns and drop shots that began my facinated observation. The choosing of doubles partners was a possibility but the game is now grudgeingly settled into singles play. The score has mounted slowly with the backstory revealed but briefly and with subtle agression. The contenders have been using a dark horse but that one has been eliminated and the strategy is now beginning to reveal itself to those who have been following the game at a much faster pace. Thus my whiplash and fascination of long submerged issues roiling to the surface once again. Henry the Eighth was a brutal tennis player who used it as a political tool. I think I should read some more about his influence on the game and think about how Machiavelli would play it so that so many players are unaware of the 2nd game being played.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2005 at 4:00AM
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youreit

LOL!!! Oh, Sandy, you hit the nail on the head! Er, you hit the ball on the racket? Something like that. :D

Brenda

    Bookmark   November 14, 2005 at 9:48AM
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fairy_toadmother

what a metaphor! very insightful. i think i wil go back and reread.

    Bookmark   November 14, 2005 at 6:45PM
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AzureBluet(z4)

Anyone watched the movie War Games starring Matthew Broderick?

strange game, the only way to win is not to play>

    Bookmark   November 15, 2005 at 2:04AM
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sleeplessinftwayne(z4-5 IND)

Azurebluet, that is often the best way to win. However being a spectator can be very (pick one) entertaining, educational, informative, satisfying, revealing, dangerous, sneaky, manipulative... The ones that make me nervous are the ones who say 'lets you and him fight'. Sometimes the only way to derail a situation is to draw attention to it before it goes too far. Absurdity has its uses beyond laughter. Sandy

    Bookmark   November 15, 2005 at 3:49PM
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sleeplessinftwayne(z4-5 IND)

Hey Brenda, I think the correct terminology would be I hit a successful lob shot. Sandy

    Bookmark   November 15, 2005 at 4:42PM
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youreit

Game, set, and match!

Brenda

    Bookmark   November 16, 2005 at 12:18PM
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semper_fi(Z7 GA)

On with CHAPTER II of the story...

'Twas the week before Turkey Day, when all through the forum, not a creature was stirring, except for...

    Bookmark   November 17, 2005 at 9:22PM
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fairy_toadmother

that poor chap, nessie, who got lost in the shuffle :(
where is he now? has he been reunited with his love?....(days of our lives music)...

    Bookmark   November 17, 2005 at 10:51PM
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ARUM(7)

oh no, not lost in the shuffle,- but finding himself in the Baltimore Innerharbor with a lot of floating refuse. Trying hard to stay down himself,( he had fallen asleep with his mouth open and unfortunately swallowed a host of empty pepsi bottles, in which the caps had been put back on, thus acting as floating devices),he paddled wildly turning in circles, when to his surprise, not to mention utter amazement...

    Bookmark   November 18, 2005 at 12:43PM
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fairy_toadmother

"BUUUURRUP"...one of the lids must have opened and, leaking some carbonation, up came the rest with that stupendous release. saved! nessie was. after all, it wasn't just a swallowed spider.

and who is this he sees in the distance?

    Bookmark   November 18, 2005 at 9:13PM
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ARUM(7)

but FTM out for an evening swim! As Nessie neared the part human part cold-blooded vertebrate, she sensed a common spirit,( meaning they were kindred spirits)and who would have thunk it, but even had some of the same interest? Lets leave this "city that reads" hollored FTM, and off they were to Alaska, where no one reads, because their too busy listening to their teeth chatter...

    Bookmark   November 19, 2005 at 6:56AM
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fairy_toadmother

..."i have always wanted to see alaska," ftm proclaims. "perhaps we can befriend an orca pod. after all, they are black and white and they love to swim!"

    Bookmark   November 19, 2005 at 8:40PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Once ftm and Nessie arrived in Alaska, it felt warm and...no, wait...just down right HOT! As they checked their compass, they realized it was not working. Suddenly a thought hit Nessie and ftm at the exact same time (after all, they were kindred spirits.) They realized they had mistakenly traveled to Africa, not Alaska! "Sheesh Nessie", complained ftm, "We shuda gotten a hint something was wrong after we'd been swimming for days!"
"Hey, do I know you?", asked a voice from across the brush. As Nessie and ftm turned in unison to check out the somewhat familiar voice, they saw it was...

    Bookmark   November 23, 2005 at 7:01PM
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ARUM(7)

King Kong!!! Unknown to the sweating duo,a movie was in the making, and their furry haired friend,(being the star), was looking for a couple good actors. "Can you be the dame that I fall for", ask the great Kong. Of course FTM exclaimed, I've always wanted to act. Who's acting exclaimed the giant monkey, I think you're aweful cute. At this point Nessie, being with FTM so long, let out an awful howl- Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, she screamed, FTM is MY friend and we're also fellow travelers! Just WHO do you think you are? Sadly a huge rangle evoked, leaving the serpent and ape quite exausted, when over head ...

    Bookmark   November 23, 2005 at 7:43PM
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fairy_toadmother

a giant pterodactyl came swooping down, reminiscent of a king kong version of godzilla! "i have always wanted to fly a helicopter," thought ftm..."this could be fun!" waiting for the opportune moment, ftm leaps for the giant raptor/dinosaur's back. unfortunately, she never had much grace, missed her mark, and the pterodactyl's claw caught her in her tutu. there she was hanging in the air being flooped around when...

    Bookmark   November 23, 2005 at 10:27PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

the huge ape gently caught her in his humungous hand. Then to ftm's surprise and may I include delight, the hairy, love struck gerilla began to blow on her. Not sure what to do, she leans back and ...

    Bookmark   November 24, 2005 at 10:33AM
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fairy_toadmother

"ooh, minty fresh breath!" she exclaimed. "you should do commercials." pleading with nessie and king kong to make up and be friends, ftm reasoned with the squabbling pair (quietly gleaming in the attention). "nessie, you will always be my dear swimming partner, and since you are so sensitive to the sun kk can keep me company whilst i de-raisinet. what do you say we head for hollywood? oooh, we might meet a friendly pod of california orcas to keep you company, nessie." off they went into the west, with king kong staying afloat on nessie's dorsal surfaces. unfortunately, king kong became seasick with the undulating motion....perhaps there is an island somewhere to find rest?

    Bookmark   November 24, 2005 at 6:26PM
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ARUM(7)

However in the mean time, Nessie turned to FTM and ask," FTM, what is this fasination with orcas"? Not realizing how far they had swam,it seems that Nessie would never find out FTM's answer, for out of no where a block of ice slammed into her wee head and she was knocked completely unconscious! Well where the ^**((&^^% did that come from bellowed KK, after all this is California? Nessie,( with tears in her eyes),( but KK couldn't tell because there was so much water around already), meekly answered," well since I was in the lead, I forgot to tell you that I don't know the way to California", and I have a bad habit of only swimming North!" "Well we're NEVER going to get out of this blasted water",KK retorted, and now we have'ft to drag this FTM along with us!" "That's not what I'm afraid of squeaked Nessie, I'm afraid this stupid story is never going to end, because of those frootloops on the GW!" "Awe SHUT UP",screamed KK, "if it wasn't for the "Pond Forum", you wouldn't even exist!!!!!!" As soon as those words left his garganchewuin,(sp), mouth,Nessie in her worst fury grabbed him around the ------------------, (I mean neck), and they were at it once again! As the two giant beast wrangled, FTM slowly drifted with the tide, farther and farther away...

    Bookmark   November 25, 2005 at 8:54AM
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ericandannjolees_poo

Until she bumped her head (once again) on a really tanned and cool lookin' surfer dude. This got her attention! Pretending to still be unconscious, so the Cali dude, might give her mouth to mouth, she closed her eyes and floated as limp and lifeless as possible. Immediately, he knew what to do. As her newly found heart throb learned down to press his lips to hers, ftm's tutu flipped up and...

    Bookmark   November 25, 2005 at 4:36PM
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fairy_toadmother

HORRORS! ftm's unshorn legs, as jeff so nicely described it once, were revealed! after all, the sea water had deteriorated her fushia colored leggings...giving ftm a very cinderella-ish appearance. "DUDE!" exclaimed the surfer, his sunbleached hair and white teeth blinding ftm with their brilliance. "pardon me,sir. but I am a dudette. thank you very much!" ftm feigned annoyance to buy time to cover up with her tutu. perhaps her legs weren't noticed? suddenly, ftm realized her friends were not in sight. well, guess she can't claim king kong shed fur became stuck to her. suddenly, ftm realized there are ponders in california...she turning to the surfer, "excuse me sir, are those sea lions i hear? surely, if there are sea lions here, brenda must not be too far away. do you know where i may find her?" still dazzling in the sun but not to dazzling on brains, the surfer remarks, "DUDE! i don't know. who is brenda?" now, ftm is inflamed, "i SAID i am not a dude! obviously there is a lot of coast line in california and i will just have to start walking." on that note, ftm stomps off, as best she can anyway or as best anyone can, in the sand....

    Bookmark   November 25, 2005 at 6:04PM
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ARUM(7)

SAND? Surfer DUDES? Yes, she was in Calafornia,(the best of two worlds) where on one side you have the beach, on the other the mountains! FTM trudged on looking for brenda,(who ever that is)and unbeknownst to her, her friends had in the mean time found land, and obtained a boat, in an effort to find her floating dead water sogged body. Completely unaware that she was heathy as a horse they fought wave after wave, storm after storm in their efforts, because they were truely loyal. Anyway,only they knew that she held a secret key in her pocket that unlocked a chest that nessie had been guarding for 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000.00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 years. Nessie was quite old. Inside the box was something truely wonderful which will only be devulged by someone else in this silly story. As the 2 friends neared the land of C. FTM spotted them immediately, and was overcome with joy! She whoopped so loud and long that she completely lost her voice and could only stand on the beach with the tears running down her sweet face. Oh what gladness at such a reunion!!! Just as she was about to catch her breath after the second whoop, a large ------- snaked out of the water and wrapped it's suckered appendage around her leg...

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 8:22AM
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youreit

"Oh, my GAWD! It's like, you know, FTM, with like, you know, like, an appendage wrapped around her, like....ummm, where was I? Totally narly, dudette! To the max, you know? FTM, have you met, like, Arnold, you know, like, the Govenator? Bring your friend Nessie, too! Oh, and like, welcome to Cali, babes!"

Caffeinated Brenda skips off (ok, sand is difficult to skip in, so....Brenda stumbles off...) as FTM and Nessie stare, open-mouthed, at each other....

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 11:02AM
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fairy_toadmother

FTM stood dumbfounded but smiled...she was in desperate need of some humor....but the timewarp of valleygirl was too much for her and thus she fainted straight away....poor thing hit her head yet again! well, at least it was sand....but wait! that didn't quite feel like sand...

    Bookmark   November 28, 2005 at 7:53PM
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ericandannjolees_poo

But it did feel familiar and Sandy...ya know, the surfer dude, his name was Sandy! "Ah, gee Sandy" ftm said with a silly grin, when she focused on his ripped, lotioned body laying on the sand. She tried to form words, but between the bump on those steel abs, and delirium from so much swimming and serching for Brenda, all that came out was, "I, I..."
then Sandy said, in his smooth, layed back voice, "Dudette, I know that one". Then quick as a whip, he pulled out his guitar and started singing, "Aye, yiye, yiye, yiye, I am the beach bandido..."

    Bookmark   November 30, 2005 at 11:39AM
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ARUM(7)

At that very moment Brenda,(youreit), floated onto the beach on a rubber whale. "Well FTM", she practically screamed," I been searching all over for ya!" And WHO is this? "Oh Brenda, I'm so glad to see you", FTM blurted out,while spitting some sand out of her mouth! We need to get outta here and find my friends Kong and Nessie! This guy's on his own...

    Bookmark   December 16, 2005 at 7:42AM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

... on his own, always on the beach, he needs to get a life! And I can't stand the sand and salty water anymore! I need a pond to sit next to! And Nessie and KK have been in the ocean for too long also! They got all wrinkly! We got to get them on dry land! And then, to Hollywood!"
While ftm tried to catch her breath after all the exclamation marks, Brenda thought for a moment, and then went and caught a ...

    Bookmark   December 16, 2005 at 11:12AM
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youreit

...and caught a wave...well, tried to catch a wave, really, because she didn't realize they were so hard to wrassle. She tried screaming, "Hang TEN, DUDE!", but that only served to frighten the non-natives further.

FTM (and her side-kick Nessie) finally just...

    Bookmark   December 16, 2005 at 11:40AM
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maryo_nh(z5 SouthernNH)

walked down the beach road a ways, picked a strategic spot, and stuck up their thumb at the passing cars, hoping for a ride south. Unfortunately, ...

    Bookmark   December 17, 2005 at 6:42PM
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