henryinctApril 22, 2009

Having held you breathless for five years it is only fair to let you know what has happened with Dorothy, at least as far as I know it. First some background. Back in 2002 my daughter found a young woman in a park in Norwalk together with all her meager possessions and a one month old baby. This was Dorothy. She was about 30, from Poland and had worked as a nanny for about 8 years. She had gotten pregnant and ended up in the Norwalk shelter for homeless women where she had her baby. Somehow things had become unbearable for her so she left and there she was, nowhere to go.

My daughter who was married with her own child and living in Norwalk solved the problem by bringing Dorothy home to live with us, my disabled wife and me and our live-in helper. She stayed for one year and we found her public housing in Westport. She wanted to be a personal trainer so she got a job in a health club, actually as many as three jobs at one time including catering and working in a health foods store. The trouble was she always had to arrange care for the baby and she could never make enough money to have any left after paying for her living expenses, car and care for the baby while she was working. She didn't have a big enough support group.

This went on for about a year and a half until she decided to take her child back to Poland where she had arranged to leave her with an aunt until she was at least five. In the meantime Dorothy would get on her feet, get her career going and in general straighten out her life. So off she went to Poland which we paid for but it didn't go well. Apparently either she couldn't bear to leave her little girl or the situation wasn't right because back she came with the baby. And so the struggle went on. It was a hopeless situation and finally it was back to Poland because there was no other choice. She said that if she left the little girl there she could never get her back but she did it and she came back alone and at this point we sort of lost track of her. This was in 2006.

Flash ahead. A year and a half ago my daughter was at a catered function in Westport and who should she see working for the caterer. Dorothy. And she was six months pregnant. Of course my daughter wanted to know what had happened and to make a long story short, she wasn't married and was more or less on her own. She hadn't called anyone for help and still hasn't and we have not tried to get in touch with her. And that is where it stands. I often think about her and pray that she is alright. I don't know if we should reach out to her again but so far we haven't. If she ever comes back to us we will be there to help.

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Henry---nice to see you posting again----I don't know what to say about Dorothy.
I wonder if her little girl is still in Poland----such a sad story----and now she is expecting again----
I'm sure it must break your heart but you already have a lot on your plate.

Wishing you the best---


    Bookmark   April 22, 2009 at 6:08PM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

I remember your posts about Dorothy. It was a sad tale and has become even sadder - thinking about the little girl in Poland separated from her mother and maybe never getting to know her sibling. I hope things somehow someday work out for this little family.

I hope things are well for yours, too. As Florence says, good to see a post from you. Take care,


    Bookmark   April 23, 2009 at 10:27AM
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I notice that this forum doesn't have anywhere near the activity that it used to have. This used to be everyone sharing their problems, triumphs, interests and just everyday lives. It brought us all closer together and I think some things were aired here that you would think that most people would be reluctant to share with even their closest friends. And now it is not the same and 98 percent of the people who used to be here are gone. What happened? I know that in my case I just couldn't afford the several hours a day I often spent here. It was like an addiction that I had to break.

Well here I am with a broken leg and time on my hands so I will be here for a while at least and hopefully longer. I love helping all the rose novices and sharing what I know. And there are lots of stories to tell so maybe we can get this going again.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2009 at 8:17PM
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anntn6b(z6b TN)

Hi, Henry,
What happened here, in part, was we got many pages of memory so there's a reticence to post something that might be around for a year or two.
There's also a site on Gardenweb (now that GW has become owned by NBC/GE, etc.) for hot topics and some names you might remember took their opinions over there, some got banned.
For us, we went through my inlaws' illnesses and deaths, Hurrincane Katrina hurting our friends down there and also doing a number on our ketch which is now in north Alabama. And DH's doing months of work on the ketch to return it to Bristol shape (she's not there yet.)
To that add a late easter freeze in 2007 that destroyed first bloom for most of the southeast, three summers of drought....

It's good to hear that you and yours are surviving. Dorothy is making her own choices.

Life goes on.

    Bookmark   April 23, 2009 at 10:19PM
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sammy zone 7 Tulsa

I used to love to come to this forum, but from my point of view, many people came on to joke and tease. One by one many posters became terribly hurt, and stopped coming. Often those who remained became wrapped up in some of the joking, and never noticed the little barbs that really hurt some posters.

I miss so many friends from this forum, and have completely lost my desire to post anything personal since I was so sensitive to what happened to my dear friends.

Mothers who shared problems were criticized. So many things happened, and for awhile the posts were so frequent that I think many good hearted people continued to post without really reading what others had said.

I don't know if the forum will ever get back to what it was, and maybe that is ok.

I remember being worried about your situation, and I thought you moved.

I am glad you are back, and what I just wrote is my opinion, not necessarily that of others. I just wish my friends would return.


    Bookmark   April 23, 2009 at 10:56PM
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Hi Ann,

I haven't had a really good first bloom in a long time because they always seem to get wiped out by rain. We have had cold winters but the roses don't seem to mind and there has been adequate rain in the summer for the most part. At this point I mulch them good and spray with BannerMaxx and that is about it. I haven't added any new ones for at least three years.

The big thing that happened recently was my 94 year old mother being diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. She had surgery in February and now she is getting radiation after which her doctors say she will be just fine. Can you believe it? She is up and about and almost as good as new. Our whole family gathered for the operation because there seemed to be little hope but it all worked out.

Also, my daughter finally moved to southern California and my second son got married again. They had the wedding and reception by the rose garden last June. They had a fabulous band but I think the rose garden was also the hit of the party.

The only other thing is my wife's health which I am sorry to say has gotten slightly worse year by year. We are trying to make the best of it.


    Bookmark   April 24, 2009 at 12:06AM
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Hi Sammy,

I remember thinking that a few people were sort of taking over and I didn't like everything that was being said. I guess I didn't feel comfortable and it made it easier to walk away. I have been on several message boards like this and most have posters that are annoying and some even looking to be disruptive or pick fights. They can destroy a board and maybe to some extent that is what happened here. Still this forum was essentially a bunch of friends who shared everything and sometimes got together. I hope it gets going like that again.


    Bookmark   April 24, 2009 at 12:34AM
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I too remember when this was a very busy--friendly family type place----It is sad that so many have left-----I miss so many of the people who used to post here---I was just thinking the other day about Bellport---Weekend Warrior and the list goes on--Many went to the Desert Rat Forum

Henry ---I'm sorry about your leg and your wife's health--

--Maybe we can get this place jumping again


    Bookmark   April 24, 2009 at 6:04PM
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hoovb zone 9 sunset 23

I remember the Dorothy story. Thanks for the update. What a strange twist of events--sounds like she is a lost soul who is unfortunately still lost...

    Bookmark   April 29, 2009 at 1:17AM
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One thing I didn't mention was that Dorothy was from a good family in Poland. She was sent to private schools and even one in France where she learned some French. She had an inheritance that allowed her to come to the US and she wanted to be somebody other than just a nanny. When we knew her and she couldn't work as a nanny she often had several jobs at the same time including working as a personal trainer, a masseuse and expert on nutrition in a health food store. If she only hadn't gotten pregnant or had not had the baby or had given it up. She told me that God wanted her to have the baby so she did and her life spun out of control. So I don't know what to think about it all except I would not have made the same choices she did.

    Bookmark   April 29, 2009 at 3:10PM
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Dorothy sure had a much better atart in life than many of us.

It is a shame she didn't make better decisions.

So sad------


    Bookmark   May 2, 2009 at 11:33AM
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The desert rat forum I've seen is just as dead as this place unless you have to be a member to see the hopping forums. RC, you can't even read without logging in.

Garden buddies seems pretty busy.

There used to be a few forums on Delphi, don't know if people go there still.

    Bookmark   May 3, 2009 at 3:18PM
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Heh guys, some of you got lost in the way it WAS that sometimes I do not think the new people stood much of a chance. I totally understand how you must have felt though, as I am a long time member of another board my B&B board and personalities blend and you become one big family - something happened there too and a couple of people got banned and same thing!!!! For me, I do not frequent there the same either as of course no more B&B here, but thank goodness I am still close to a few of the members and we have some great visits and get-togethers (in person).

It IS a sad fact sometimes that things do not stay the same, but we move on and make the best. I found it really difficult fitting in here for a long time. Folks seemed to be in mourning of how it used to be that I often felt new people did not get a fair chance. Of course, I am not talking about everybody, there are some very warm people here who I feel did befriended me.

Anyhow, I do enjoy my visits, I have not been frequenting the Roses forum as much as I would like too. So busy, especially now in the garden again and I started my rose blog in November, and I cannot believe how time consuming that is.

But I do remember all the kindness here in conversations when I told you the story and events of my grandson Ryan, I felt the support and I very much appreciated it. So I do know you are a great bunch. The legal proceedings are still going on after almost two years.

Actually, Some of the banning on this forum was during my time. I personally felt upset about it and had a hard time accepting why they would be banned from here when they were such a strong voice and an asset to this forum. Why not just be banned from Hot Topics, if that was where the problem arose, if "whoever the powers that be" were so opposed!!!

All water under the bridge now.

Anyway, just my two cents worth. I still am around and read almost everyday, just do not post as much, but hopefully that will change.

I do really like this forum and I have learned so much and will be forever grateful.

All have a good week!
Cheers! Pauline

Here is a link that might be useful: Rose blog

    Bookmark   May 5, 2009 at 12:10AM
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kathwhit(z8, West OR)

Hi Everyone,
I hope you remember me... I still lurk and post now and then and I have more roses than ever. It is good to see you posting again, Henry. And I am sad to hear about Dorothy. I remember thinking how kind it was of you to take her in, but worried that you were being taken advantage of, especially since you have other issues with your wife and all. BTW, how did you break your leg?

All is well here in Oregon. My youngest went to college in New Orleans at Tulane U. and is back for the summer. I am still working as an elementary counselor. I remember fondly all the people on this forum, even the troublemakers. Those of us who have the time, let's try to post regularly again and stay in touch. Remember when we sent each other Christmas and spring cards? I loved getting cards from all over the country. I hope you are all well!

    Bookmark   May 12, 2009 at 1:28PM
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Hi Kathy,

I'm glad you're back too. I fell off a ladder two months ago and got a very complicated break of my ankle. My third and last surgery will be on May 20. I am up and about some now but I have had to hire people to take care of the place including the rose garden which is gigantic this year. And we have had so much rain they haven't been able to come for two weeks which means my spraying is much overdue.

You must be very happy that this is your last going to college. We once had three in college at the same time! Most of the regulars on the rose side are still there and the expertise is higher than before but not many hang out here. Hopefully that will change.


    Bookmark   May 12, 2009 at 8:51PM
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sammy zone 7 Tulsa

Henry, would you contact me personally through my email that is with my name?

I would like to get a message to you.


    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 8:57PM
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So would I, Henry...I think I live in your town and would love to see your garden and invite to mine.

    Bookmark   June 18, 2009 at 10:48PM
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