I lost another of my children

gloriam(z5PA)November 24, 2011

My one and only son died in the hospital on Monday, he was 52. I lost a grandson in 2003 and a daughter in 2004. WHY is this happening to me?

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lilosophie

I have no answer, but I send condolences and love your way, Gloria - So sorry, (((hugs)))

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 1:27AM
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coconut_nj

Gloria, I'm so very sorry! Wish I could help your pain, or that your question could be answered. Wishing you strength as you deal with this devastation. Take comfort where you can. Sometimes pets, with their unconditional love can help.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 1:32AM
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lindie_mi(5)

Very sorry for your heartache, Gloria. Love and comfort.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 6:06AM
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endorphinjunkie(z7bAlabama)

(((Gloria)))

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 8:19AM
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pamven(z5neastindiana)

I remember when you lost your daughter and how sad that was....now you have to go through this again. You have my deepest sympathies Gloria.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 8:26AM
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batyabeth

Oh, such grief. My sincerest condolences. I hope you have others to lean on. Batya

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 8:31AM
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don_socal

Gloria, much love your way. We lost a son and it is so upside down for children to go before us. Losing another would be unfathomable. Gandle and Leone would be the closest to understanding your grief as they have lost three. There is no comfort any can offer, only condolences and compassion.

This is the best I can offer...

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
â Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 10:07AM
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don_socal

here is the link.

Here is a link that might be useful: Henri J.M. Nouwen > Quotes

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 10:19AM
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mwoods

What a hard thing this has to be for you and there are few words I can think of to say right now. You are a strong woman and that will be of help in the days to come.I remember your daughter and your grandson and have wondered from time to time how you were doing.Thank you for coming here and telling us about it. Hope you stop in for awhile.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 1:18PM
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gandle(4 NE)

We have no words Gloria. Only a great empathy because we lost 3 children too. There are no answers to you plea just know that many people are greiving along with you.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 7:54PM
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west_gardener

Oh my dear, what sad news. My thoughts are with you and I give you a hug.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 8:31PM
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petaloid(SoCal 10a/24)

So sorry, Gloria. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now, but I know you can make it through this somehow.

My best wishes go out to you and your family.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 8:51PM
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gloriam(z5PA)

I thought today would be better since my 3 daughters and family's would be here but it turned out not that way. The food didn't taste good only the chocolate pies. Now I have such a headache again. I never did get over my daughter's death, I still miss her so much. I just don't want to loss anymore. His wife was having him cremated and keeping the ashes, no burial or service. My family never did things this way. Its just so hard.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2011 at 11:35PM
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mawheel

I am so sorry for your loss, Gloria. I hope the caring thoughts, prayers, and hugs offered here, will help in some small way.

(((Gloria)))

    Bookmark   November 25, 2011 at 6:48PM
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Janis_G(z7GA)

Gloria, I am so sorry.
There are no words to soften the blow, answer your question or ease your pain.
I am just so sorry that this has happened to you.

    Bookmark   November 25, 2011 at 11:29PM
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gmatx_gw zone 6

Gloria, I also do not have the words or answers to lighten your pain, but please know that you are being thought of and our prayers go out to you and your loved ones.

    Bookmark   November 26, 2011 at 1:08PM
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mjmercer

Gloria, I remember when you shared with us the losses of your daughter and grandson. I wish you much love and eventual peace. In the meantime are their friends or a trusted church leader (minister, etc.) on whom you could lean? Remember, that's what they're for. And that's what we're for, too. Please feel free to "talk" more here, if it helps.

Karen

    Bookmark   November 26, 2011 at 1:39PM
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shymilfromchi

Dear Gloria,

I am new to this forum, but I want to join in sending you
our condolences. I don't know your circumstances, but
perhaps this is something that might help.

We have a close relative who lost her only son at 38 years
old. Her DIL, like yours, made the arrangements that were
not what Eve would have liked. So she origanized a memorial
service and the word of it passed from person-to-person.
Several hundred people came, some from quite a distance. It
was not a religious service; one-by-one, if they wanted to,
a person would stand and tell of their relationship with Mark
and how his life and talents had effected their own. It was
beautiful.

I spoke with her last night and she suggested that perhaps you
might want to contact The Compassionate Friends National
website. I don't know how to post the link, but its

compassionatefriends (all one word) followed by .org

They helped her until she felt strong enough to go on. She is now
volunteering with the Give Life group who works to bring organ
donation information to the public. All of the people in this
group have been through the ordeal of losing someone very dear
to them and they help each other cope.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 1:35PM
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rob333

Gloria, I don't have words. I am sitting there with you in my thoughts. I'm beside you, and I will do whatever you want. Even if it is sit in silence. I cannot fathom it, but I feel for you.

-Robin

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 3:21PM
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Lisa_H(7)

I missed this earlier. I am so sorry, Gloria. My prayers are with you.

I think having a memorial service of your own would be a wonderful idea.

Lisa

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 4:05PM
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shilty(6)

Gloria, I am so sorry for your loss.

But I want to offer you a moment of reassurance.

The reason none of us ever have any say so in who leaves, who stays, is because there is no time in our whole life that we want to make those decisions. They must be made by God.

And God never gives us more to bear than we can. 300 or 400 years ago, you might have lost your son to a sinking ship, one of the many plagues for which we had no defense; a war, a highwayman, or even a common cold that turned into pneumonia, nothing you could have done then, either.

And..you have to trust me on this, they are never really gone. I am still finding things I'd like to tell my dad or my mom, or my husband...because all our lives together were
so full, they are as much a part of me as my own teeth.

All are no longer in any danger, they have no pain, and I will see them again someday. For that I am thankful.

Many hugs. Just keep being the strong lady you are.
s

    Bookmark   November 29, 2011 at 6:18PM
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mrobbins(6b - Brooklyn)

Oh Gloria, how awful. I am so sorry. A loss like this around a holiday?! The fates were pressing down too hard on you. I can't share your grief, but you can see from all the messages here that this community has its arms around you, and I wish you strength and love.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2011 at 8:00PM
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yem1

It is really sad and Just God knows all. We all have to move to him. Be patient and strong. This is all i can say and can pray for your beloved ones.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2013 at 6:13AM
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GrannieAnnie_MO(z5MO)

I feel your pain and know it must be very difficult. In my case I am able to focus on being angry. A drunk driver killed five of my relatives; the only survivor an infant who will never know his parents or grandparents. There are just no words to describe some things. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2013 at 10:43PM
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