Just wondering - How is Daughter Grace?

rose_nutty(z4b)June 3, 2008

If it isn't too painful for you to tell us. I saw her picture on the thread about what we look like, and I was wondering how she is and if she is still with the loser boyfriend and if your own relationship with her is mending (if I remember right, she had cut you off because of the boyfriend's controlling behavior). Your situation touched my heart because I have 4 sweet daughters of my own, the oldest of which is at the age that she could make a stupid decision herself. I just pray that she continues down the path she is headed right now, but there are no guarantees in parenting, that's for sure. It is at the same time the hardest thing I've ever done and yet the most wonderful.

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Rosenutty----I was just thinking about Celeste and her daughter.
Celest has been having so many problems---I do hope things are improving.


    Bookmark   June 4, 2008 at 10:04AM
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I hope her Mama is doing good as well.

I think her Mom and Dad are just the cutest couple!!! Both of them always have a smile on their face and the love just shines through!


    Bookmark   June 4, 2008 at 8:09PM
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celeste(zone 4 NH)

Oh my goodness! You are so wonderful to remember Grace and the long, sad saga.... I was just getting ready to post (when things settle down a little) that Grace came home 2 days ago!!!

But wait.....its bittersweet.

You see, she brought the loser boyfriend back with her.
This because after 7 months in Florida and more hard luck.... being kicked out by his mom first, then his sister (she won't admit why, but no doubt he stole from his own family and didn't pay rent). I could write a movie for the Lifetime channel about this depressing story and how that guy has manipulated and controlled her so much that she no longer has dreams or goals. He introduced her to smoking, drinking, drugs, and hopelessness. She is staying with a friend because she was told that if he sets foot onto my property I will press charges for trespassing and that he will never be welcome. Because she is with him, I cannot have her stay here. It is too complicated and dreary to go into detail about everything, but she still stands by him.
When I drove up into the friend's driveway and saw her,
I grabbed ahold of her and sobbed with such a overwhelming mixture of relief, joy, and anguish. To hold my child whom I thought I had lost forever & missed so desperately, and yet to know that she is still not safe, was unlike any feeling I have ever known. She is my baby, no matter that she's 22 and I held onto her and wept for all those months I could not hold her.

And about my Mama and Dad....where do I begin?
Mom is now living here with us and I have quit my job to care for her. As you know, she has Alzheimer's and fell 2 months ago and broke her hip. She was in a nursing home but it broke my heart to leave her there, so I brought her home with us. Dad fell just 3 days ago (the same day Gracie came home) and I was at the hospital with him all night to learn he had broken his kneecap. So I asked Dad
to come live with us so I can take care of him and he can
be with Mom, but Dad is very proud and independent and insisted on staying at home. So yesterday & today I spent hours cleaning his home because it was horribly dirty and unkempt. I washed all his clothes, linens, etc. and brought them over, made him a meal and now will have to run back and forth to care for him there and Mom here. He is depressed because he misses Mom and the way things were, and is all alone in that house in the woods....yet he won't budge. You all may remember my post last summer about his wonderful vegetable garden----well he is despondent because he won't be able to garden this year.

On top of all of this, I had surgery 7 weeks ago and it made my fibromyalgia flare up so badly that I can't sleep at night and haven't gotten more than 4 hours of sleep at night since. And our beloved cat, Cosmo was hit by a car and went off somewhere to die. We can't find him anywhere. I know this must sound like I am making all this up and if it wasn't happening to me I wouldn't believe it either! I am also squeezing in time to care for over 300 established rosebushes and the new ones I ordered this spring, some of whom are still not planted. My roses are way behind this year and won't be in full bloom for another 2-3 weeks, but all of them are smothered with blooms and wonderfully healthy. I can't wait to start snapping pictures that I can share here. I think this will be the most impressive year yet. I actually can devote more time to my yard now that I am not working away from home, because Mom likes to sit on the garden benches or on the deck watching the birds and enjoying the sunshine, something she couldn't do in the nursing home. I dress her up in a different hat every day to coordinate with her outfit (Mom NEVER goes anywhere without her famous hats!)and take her to the beauty shop to get her hair done. She has no clue who any of us are anymore, but she knows we are nice people who are very good to her. I intend to take some photos of my Mom in her hats, my roses, Dad, and of course....Gracie whenever I can find a minute. I treasure all of you who have shared this saga with me, shown concern and friendship, and cared enough to ask. Some days I feel very overwhelmed, so it is nice to be thought of.


    Bookmark   June 5, 2008 at 10:30PM
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Celeste - thank you so much for giving us an update! I was afraid when several days went by without you posting that perhaps I had caused you undue pain by asking. That was certainly not my intent, I have been so genuinely concerned and wondering, and seeing her pic nudged me into asking. Prayers are with you as you go through all of this. You are a very strong lady!

    Bookmark   June 5, 2008 at 11:10PM
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veilchen(5b southern Maine)

I wonder from time to time what's been going on and if
Grace is still in Florida. She will drop that loser boyfriend eventually. At least she is back close to home and knows she has a place to stay when she leaves him.

Hang in there Celeste!

    Bookmark   June 6, 2008 at 6:25AM
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carla17(Z7 NC)

Celeste, I am glad to hear what's going on. Sometimes it seems there is no light at the end but there is, or at least I choose to believe there is something good when people endure so much stress and agony.
I admire your stand with Grace, hard as it must be. I cannot imagine the difficulty this must bring. Take care of yourself, I'm so sorry your surgery brought that fibromyalgia back up. Hang in there, Celeste. Thank you for sharing what's happening with you and your family.


    Bookmark   June 6, 2008 at 11:37AM
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anntn6b(z6b TN)

Oh, Celeste,
If only some of us could share your burdens for even five minutes.
But we can't.
So, I'm going to give you some advise.
Get someone to sit with your Mother and visit the group in your county or city that gives assistance for caring with the elderly. You CANNOT wear yourself out taking care of two households. You must get help to care for your father. Meals on Wheels, house cleaning help, personalized public transport ARE available. He doesn't want it? Tough. Either that or move in with you to HELP YOU.
I write from personal experience, he MUST learn to take advantage of the programs that are designed to keep folks in their homes while he's got enough of a brain to make the habits that will enable him to stay in his home. This should be non-negotiable. The programs are there. There are even programs to help you and when you ask the right questions, you may be able to get some hours for yourself.
Whether the group is called Council on Aging, Senior Services....the local Health Department is the place to start.
And drug counseling for your daughter.....just get a number for her. Don't say a thing. But have it.
Hugs and I wish you only the best.

    Bookmark   June 6, 2008 at 4:21PM
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kathwhit(z8, West OR)

Let me just say that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your blooming roses give you much pleasure and you are able to enjoy some moments of peace and joy in your garden with your dear Mother. I truly believe that Grace will come to her senses and I am so impressed with your strength in setting limits about her boyfriend. Lots of love,

    Bookmark   June 6, 2008 at 4:58PM
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Celeste----You are often imn my mind------You have so much to deal with---Take the advice from Ann---You really can't do all of this without help---
Your Dad should do whatever he can to make it a little easier for you.

I hope your daughter comes to her senses----

Our Melissa is still estranged from us --it is so sad.

Love to you---wish I could help !

Hopefully your roses will bring you some joy.

Love, Florence

    Bookmark   June 6, 2008 at 8:15PM
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celeste(zone 4 NH)

THANK YOU DEAR FRIENDS, for your concern, encouragement and words of wisdom....I am grateful. Dad has been enrolled in the Meals on Wheels Program so at least he will have a hot meal each day. He is getting around well with crutches and not in much pain. I will be looking into some type of day service for Mom one day a week so I can have a day with just hubby and I to be able to get out of the house. Between us we have 7 children (and one grandchild) and were just finally getting to that wonderful point when we could start having some freedom now that Tiffany is the only one left at home (14)....now its like starting all over!
Gracie came over last night with her adorable new little kitten Zeus that she brought up with her from Florida and visited for awhile. We do not bring up the boyfriend at all and she knows not to talk about him, so we got to enjoy our time with her. He had 7 months of her all to himself wherein he bad-mouthed us and convinced her that we are all "conspiring" against him, so it is apparent that even though she still loves us there is still some hesitation on her part. She started a new job today and is already talking about saving up to get "them" an apartment. I wonder how this can happen when it comes time for giving references....they have been evicted from so many places. My neighbor told us today that he knows that it was the boyfriend who stole $700 from their home last summer while they were away because he saw him the night before the theft late at night walking through their property. They also had seen him sitting in Grace's car many nights smoking pot after he would drop Grace off at work. He had plenty of time to steal and do drugs since he didn't work.
It makes me ill knowing that in the 3 years she's been with him her life has gone nowhere and her future is in jeopardy every day she stays with him.

I am posting some photos of "Amazing Grace", which is new to me this spring from Roses Unlimited, and chose to open its very first bloom on the day Grace came home. This is eerily similiar to the rose I grew from seed which opened its bloom the day Mom went into the nursing home....(my first rose from seed ever)....I guess my roses speak to me in mysterious ways! My roses have always comforted me during times of trouble and pain....they are friends I can visit anytime and they keep all my secrets.

My thanks for you all here and for roses!!!


Mom in the screenhouse today....

Grace's kitten Zeus.....

"Amazing Grace"....this has the most heavenly fragrance you can imagine and is drop-dead gorgeous. The reverse is pale cream and the inner petals soft pink.
This was the first flower and it opened the day Grace came home......

Bloom lightened in color as it aged and retained its delicious and strong fragrance.....

Today it is opened up fully, exposing its stamens in a perfect circle.....I love, love, love this rose!!!

    Bookmark   June 8, 2008 at 8:55PM
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love that pic of your mom, she looks like a doll!

It sounds like you have a really good handle on what's going on with Grace, but, just so I'll know that I've said it in case you didn't know this, one of the *first* things an abuser/manipulator/controller does is isolate his victim from her friends & family, her support group.

& he does this by convincing her that *they* don't want her, that they don't like her, that they aren't really her friends...
that he's the only friend she has.

Then, when she acts resentful with them, they do get irritated & sometimes they stop trying & decide that they're tired of getting rebuffed & that she can come around when she gets ready.

& so she becomes even more isolated.

Keep hugging, keep smiling, keep on being there.

    Bookmark   June 13, 2008 at 1:52PM
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I think Amazing Grace is wonderful as well. I got mine through Heirloom a few years ago. The perfume is so sweet and strong. Your mom looks great. I am glad you are together. I hope it's not much longer until your daughter returns. Why life should be so hard to good people is beyond my understanding.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2008 at 2:03AM
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Hi Celeste,

Your mom is just the cutest little doll.

cute picture of the kitty------

I love that rose---my DH 's late mother's name was Grace and she was truly amazing-----I guess I just have to get this rose----

I'm so happy you had a little time with your daughter ---

I was very interested in the advice from Sylvia----It might help with our problem with my grandaughter-----I guess we just have to keep on trying to break through to them.

Thinking of you often---Hope you can have a few nice times with hubby.


    Bookmark   June 23, 2008 at 3:10PM
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