My DH is gone

AnneCecilia z5 MIAugust 31, 2009

Today is my first day alone since my Ted passed on the 22nd following a brief hospitalization. Through that week that he was in the hospital and on through another week leading up to this past weekend's Memorial gathering for him, I have been surrounded by my sons, DIL, grandkids, my sister and many dear friends. Today it was time to return to work - for everyone - and I came home to just the dog and cats and a very quiet house. I've had a good cry and then decided to come here, where you've all been there for me before in times of joy and sorrow. Tomorrow after work I will try to get out into the gardens. Lord knows there are plenty of weeds to keep me busy out there as I search for peace, but I'm not even sure I will be able to stay here and so being in the garden is bittersweet as well. He was only 59 years old and the day he died was just 2 days shy of our 35th wedding anniversary. He's been my very best friend since I was 16 years old and I miss him so.

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Lisa_H OK(7)

Oh, I am so sorry to hear about your husband Ted. I'm sending you a cyberhug (( )) I hope the routine of your garden and work helps you find some peace.

Lisa

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 11:35AM
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sylviatexas1

I'm so sorry.

holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 11:46AM
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peachiekean(z10A CA)

I am so sorry. I sure understand as I also am married to my best friend. I know it will be difficult for you in the near future until the point when you will somehow adjust to life without him. Enjoy your many memories; they won't go anywhere.
And please know we care.
Mary

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 3:10PM
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celeste(zone 4 NH)

Oh honey, I am SO sorry! This is such heartbreaking news, and I am sending you my most sincere condolences. Somehow words don't seem adequate for so great a loss, but my heart is aching for you....and I will say a prayer for you tonight. I can't begin to imagine how lost you must feel right now. I wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug right now....please know that you are in my thoughts. I am truly sorry. God bless you, & send you peace and strength during this difficult time.

Love,
Celeste

    Bookmark   September 1, 2009 at 10:36PM
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carlota(So. Calif. z.9)

My sincerest condolences for your loss. Hopefully, we here at GW can be of some comfort to you. My heart and thoughts are with you.
GIANT ROSY HUGS ((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))
Carlota

    Bookmark   September 2, 2009 at 7:58AM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

Thank you all so much - it does help. I won't have much time for the roses or the Roses forums for a little while I'm suspecting. There is so much to straighten out and decide. Talk about a world turned upside down! Thank you for the cyber hugs and kind words of support, they mean a lot to me.
Anne

    Bookmark   September 2, 2009 at 6:05PM
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carla17(Z7 NC)

Anne, Words are just not adequate at a time like this but know I am deeply sorry for your loss. You and Ted were together a long time. My thoughts are with you. Sending hugs.

Carla

    Bookmark   September 2, 2009 at 9:39PM
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morz8(Washington Coast Z8b)

I'm just now checking in here so I'm seeing this a little late - I sincerely hope your week has been something you can manage, I can only imagine how overwhelming it must feel....at the same age as your DH and married just a little longer. Please know that you're in our thoughts and we're sending you our prayers.

    Bookmark   September 3, 2009 at 1:30PM
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debnfla8b

I am sooooo sorry for your loss. Just know everyone is thinking of you, praying for you, I hope you can find a bit of peace in your garden pulling weeds.

Lots of hugs going out to you!

Deb :o)

    Bookmark   September 4, 2009 at 9:08AM
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celeste(zone 4 NH)

Anne,
Just checking in on you again.....I've had you in my thoughts. I am sure you won't be here much for awhile, but all of us care about you. I know it will be a long journey for you. Let us know if you need to talk.

Deb,
I've also been wondering how you are coping. So often I
think of you, especially as I take care of my mom. How have you been? I hope things are getting a little easier each day, but I know that the void will always be there.

My best to you all....
Celeste

    Bookmark   September 4, 2009 at 11:11AM
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meredith_e Z7b, Piedmont of NC, 1000' elevation

:( Oh, AC, I'm so sorry! That is too young. Good Journey to your sweetie, and peace to you and everyone who misses him. Hug those furbabies and take care(((hugs)))

    Bookmark   September 4, 2009 at 10:15PM
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theroselvr

Sorry to read about your DH. I saw your post when you 1st posted, there were no replies; but I had just gotten some bad news myself about mine. I don't want to hi-jack your post & will make my own in a few days.

Nothing I can say will make it any easier on you.
It's going to take a whole lot of time for you to heal.
Take one day at a time, it's all you can do.

Nice to see some people posting that haven't been here in a long time; sad that it's for a post like this. :(

Cyber hugs.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2009 at 3:21PM
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sammy zone 7 Tulsa

Anne, I also am so sorry to hear about your loss.
I hope you do come here as often as you can, and let us know how you are.

Sammy

    Bookmark   September 5, 2009 at 9:26PM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

Just popping in briefly to continue to thank you for your notes, which I see in my inbox when I have time to check. Meredith, I haven't seen a post from you in *so* long. Yes, I'm hugging those furbabies every day.
And Roselvr, I am so sorry you have had bad news, whatever it may be.
DS#2 is here with me this weekend and we have been working on DH's office. Very hard - trying to figure out the paperwork from his business and stopping for tears over things that struck one or the other of us hard (like his eyeglasses.) Sigh. It's a long road ahead, but I am grateful for cyber-friends like you all. It really does help.
AC

    Bookmark   September 6, 2009 at 5:31PM
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pauline-vi-8

Dear Anne, Words cannot express how deeply sorry I am to hear of the loss of your dear husband. I will be sincerely thinking about you during this difficult time.
God Bless.
Pauline

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 1:52AM
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greenhaven(SW MI z6)

AC, I am very sorry for your loss, what a tremendous one. I wish you and yours all the best in this time of grieving.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 9:58AM
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debnfla8b

Just wanted to check in on you again sweet Anne.

I am still going through Mama's house and it is so hard. The minute I walk in the door I have to go sit where Mama always sat and have a good hard cry. It has been 5 months since I found Mama on the floor gone. It hasn't go any better for me yet since I have to deal with everything myself, no help from my only sister. But one day it will get better. I was Mama's caregiver and was with her every single day since Daddy died almost 7 years ago.
It seems just the littlest thing will set me to crying over at Mama's. Her sewing needle, that hidden pack of ciggies I find...just breaks my heart all over again.
I hope you get all the business end figured out and thank heavens your children are such a great help. It means a lot to have someone to lean on when the going gets tough.

Just know my heart is with you during this awful time. I will shout your name to the heavens in hope that a peace decends upon you as you go through this journey.

Love and hugs,
Deb

(Celeste, you are such a sweetheart. How is your precious Mama?)

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 10:12AM
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buffington22(Z8 Louisiana)

Hello AC, I am so sorry about your loss. We are experiencing a similar sadness with the death of our next door neighbor and best friend of 30 years! His widow is having similar experiences to yours, an amazing amount of decisions and paperwork to deal with. She has lots of home improvements and maintenance to do b/c of his illness for the past 3 yrs. She is planning to garden more and we are both going to play golf. We laugh a lot and cry a lot. She is going to grief counseling as well. He was to be 58 in Sept. Keep as busy as you can. Love to you and your family, Buff

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 10:36AM
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Mendocino_Rose(z8 N CA.)

Ann, I never go to conversations but Sammy mentioned this on the Antique Forum. I am so very sorry. I imagine that working and being in the garden will be one of the best things that you can do. That is what I would do. Love to you.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 10:36AM
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zeffyrose_pa6b7(6b7)

Dear Anne----There are no words to express how sad I feel about your loss-----

I just read about your DH this morning and my heart goes out to you.

Thankfully you have a nice family to help you through this difficult time

My first DH hd just turned 42 when he passed away---No one is ever prepared for this kind of a shock

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Thinking of you,

Florence.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 11:34AM
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henryinct

I just read your post also and I am so sorry to hear of your loss. What a sad sad thing. Try to get through this the best you can and somehow everything will work out.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 1:23PM
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jerijen(Zone 10)

I never come here, either -- so I must also thank Sammy for the heads-up.

Anne-Cecelia, I cannot (and don't want to) imagine your pain.
This is truly a life turned upside-down.
I am so very sorry.

Jeri in Southern California

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 2:43PM
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anntn6b(z6b TN)

Dear Anne,
Thanks to Sammy, I, too, came over and am so very, very sad for you. I wish we were all closer to you, but thanks to GW, we are, sort of.
If this winter gets too lonely, please remember my guest room is only a day away and we can make a fire for you there any day.
Let time try to start your healing.

Don't rush, don't worry. Each day will pass, and people will understand,

Love,
Ann

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 4:10PM
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sunnysideuphill(5)

I have never posted to you, but I know what you are dealing with. I lost my husband and best friend suddenly on Dec 1, 02- he was only 57. One minute he was dressing after his shower, the next I was calling 911. He died 9 hours later. He was a superfit athlete, but blood clots don't care.
I remember what it was like when the married daughter went home, the other daughter returned to tie up the loose ends of her grad school semester, my sisters went home - and it was me and the cat. We too had celebrated our 35th anniversary that summer.
I inherited his business, and had a rapid learning curve to be able to step in, with good friends who became partners, in order to operate it. So much unfinished business! Cleaning his desk was done by someone else - but I got the box, and sorting through took forever.
Learning how to manage everything alone will take time, and don't be afraid/ashamed to ask for help. I learned that sometimes you have to pay for maintenance that is just too heavy/hard/unfamiliar. I know it is a cliche, but I repeated it - "the only way out is through" - and just kept slogging.
A rose mantra (music is in the Unitarian Universalist hymnal, Singing the Living Tradition): "I know this rose will open; I know my fear will burn away; I know my soul will spread its wings; I know this rose will open".
Know that you have many sisters on this journey.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 4:39PM
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duchesse_nalabama

Anne, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and best friend of so many years. I am glad you have family and many good friends there to grieve with you.

I hope you'll be able to rest some. I hope you'll let us know how you are doing. Gean

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 9:40PM
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seattlesuze

Dearest Anne, I flew over to Conversations as fast as I read Sammy's note on the Antique Rose forum. Marji and I are so sorry to hear of your loss. I know you've had a lot on your plate for the last few years and it's heartbreaking to know that you've lost your best friend. I'm glad to know that you have family and friends around you, both human and furry. Please know that you have a spot to come stay at any time here with us for as long or as little as you'd like. Wrapping you in warm cyberhugs and wishing I could be there to do so in person.

Love,
Sue and Marji

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 9:52PM
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kaylah

Nobody expects something like that to happen. You expect to go right on together. It seems a cruel fate and it's tough to accept.
I am so sorry for your loss and know it's going to take time to heal.

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 11:24PM
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jean(Zone 7/TN)

Anne Cecilia,

I don't get to these forums much anymore, but I did want to pass along my condolences on your loss. The silence is hard to bear, but he is with you always in spirit. Please take care of yourself.

Jean

    Bookmark   September 7, 2009 at 11:47PM
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riku(Z3 Canada)

Annececilia

Sorry for your loss, please be good to yourself. You have always been a pleasure to chat with and I am sure you will heal in time.

Riku

    Bookmark   September 8, 2009 at 12:03AM
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veilchen(5b southern Maine)

I am SO sorry. I hope you are managing ok at the time. Wish I lived closer I would help out in the garden.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2009 at 6:50AM
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carolfm(z7upstate SC)

Dear Anne, I never come here anymore so I had no idea. I am so sorry for your loss. I can't find the right words and I can't imagine the sorrow you must feel. I wish I could give you a hug. Love and prayers for strength and healing to you my friend.

Carol

    Bookmark   September 8, 2009 at 10:06AM
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barb422(z6 UT)

Anne,
I never quite know what to say, but please know that I'm so sorry for your loss.

Barb

    Bookmark   September 8, 2009 at 3:57PM
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karenforroses(z5 NorthernMI)

Hi Friend. You know Kurt and I are always there for you. We think of you every day, knowing how terribly lonely and heartbroken you are right now. Remember your house and yard full of friends last week? We are all caring about you and wanting to help you heal.

    Bookmark   September 8, 2009 at 5:52PM
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Carol_SE_PA_6

I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend and hubby of 35 years. He passed away too early. Take one day at a time and stop in over here when you need a friend.

    Bookmark   September 9, 2009 at 2:51PM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

I can't tell you how much it has meant to me to see names that have been absent so long from these forums in my inbox with words of comfort; I'm truly touched. For all of you, both friends I've been lucky to meet in person, and friends I've only had contact with here at the Roses Forums: for sending cyber hugs, offering a place to get away to, for all your kind stories and advice, thank you so much my dears. Bless you and know that I will be back to the roses in a little while.
Anne

    Bookmark   September 9, 2009 at 6:38PM
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kathwhit(z8, West OR)

Hi,
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Unfortunately, I can relate so closely with you. My husband Chuck died of Pancreatic Cancer on June 21. I haven't been on the forum all summer because of having to deal with the memorial and all the financial details, plus I have been grieving so completely I could hardly function, much less get on the computer. Please accept my sincere condolences. You can reply to me by email if you want and maybe we can help each other through this awful time.
Sincerely,
Kathy

    Bookmark   September 14, 2009 at 2:07PM
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meredith_e Z7b, Piedmont of NC, 1000' elevation

Hugs and hugs and hugs, my partner in rose crime ;) I'm thinking of you. I'm wishing you a hot cocoa and a long bath and kissies from your furbabies. Take care.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 11:51PM
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zeffyrose_pa6b7(6b7)

Dear Anne------thinking of you this morning----I don't have much advice---but you are much loved here on the forum---

Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers

Florence

    Bookmark   September 21, 2009 at 12:40PM
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zeffyrose_pa6b7(6b7)

Dear Anne------thinking of you this morning----I don't have much advice---but you are much loved here on the forum---

Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers

Florence

    Bookmark   September 21, 2009 at 12:41PM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

Florence, thank you for thinking of me. You're so sweet. I am feeling a little bit more like myself lately - sort of feels like emerging from a fog. I still have moments of sudden tears, still feel incredibly sad (and expect to be so for some time to come) but I'm regaining interest in my old activities and find I can even laugh at the jokes and teasing I get from my co-workers these days. I'm also beginning to get a handle on all the paperwork and finances. It won't be easy and it's lonely, but it's not so scary now.
I come back and re-read this thread when I feel the need for a boost - and all the love comes through.
Smiling,
Anne

    Bookmark   September 22, 2009 at 6:31PM
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kathwhit(z8, West OR)

Hi Anne,
You have mail! So glad to hear you are feeling a little better. Lets stay in touch.
Kathy

    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 3:58PM
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debnfla8b

I've been thinking of you too Anne. Hope you are getting a handle on the paperwork and finances. It can be so confusing when you are hurting so much. I am still getting Mama's stuff in order.
Prayers still being said for you!

Deb

    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 4:01PM
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zeffyrose_pa6b7(6b7)

Dear Anne---thinking of you--I remember how difficult it was for me when my DH died-----It took me quite a while to get everything in order----my kids were getting ready for college and all that paperwork was confusing but eventually I was able to get it all together-------

Little by little I gained the confidence to do it all.

Florence

    Bookmark   September 23, 2009 at 10:07PM
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hoovb zone 9 sunset 23

I havn't checked this forum for a long time.

Hope you are well and managing. I know it is hard. Going through the loved one's stuff is horribly painful--it brings back so many vivid memories. Many roses to you and wishes for healing.

    Bookmark   September 25, 2009 at 5:35PM
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labrea_gw

Oh my I just read this I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Bookmark   September 27, 2009 at 8:14PM
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onewheeler(Z5 N.S.)

This is the first time in months that I have been able to check in here.

I am so sorry to read about your loss. I pray that by now you are adjusting better to your new life and finding strength and confidence in each new day.

Valerie

    Bookmark   October 6, 2009 at 6:39PM
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AnneCecilia z5 MI

Thank you Valerie. I am slowly making adjustments and I do feel more confident than I did at first. Ted encouraged me to be an independent woman, and I like to think he'd be proud of me today. Let me tell you, all his lessons in car and home maintenance, construction, finances and even snow plowing are going to come in handy now.
I'm certainly not all strength and cheerfulness but I think I'm doing fairly well under the circumstances. I just had a weekend visit with my sister - bless her heart, she listened to me talk all I wanted and talk I did, mostly about Ted. We even cried together - more than a few times. It was very good therapy.
Still taking it one day at a time,
Anne

    Bookmark   October 12, 2009 at 8:36PM
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