Do you think it's mature to 'keep count'

carla17(Z7 NC)October 16, 2007

Wrote my MIL an e-mail about DH. Told her he was going through some things and SUGGESTED she call him. Her reply was "The last times I spoke to him, I called him. He doesn't call me". Now, my opinion is and has always been that she loves to be in control. Since she is no longer in control, she is unhappy.

I think it is childish to "keep count". I am NOT saying that he should not call her. He DOES need to call her. It's almost like she takes pleasure in handing out guilt. Am I wrong?


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hoovb zone 9 sunset 23

You suggested, once, politely, that she call him. You could suggest, once, politely, that he call her. That is about all you can do. They are both adults, it is up to them to work it out.

    Bookmark   October 16, 2007 at 5:21PM
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I never did like the notion that some people have " It is their turn to call me and I will not call until he/she calls me"

In my case I'm too old to worry about "keeping count"---life is too short---If I love someone I will call all the time if it helps to keep the lines of communication open.

But some people are too stubborn -----

Good luck---some people can be very difficult to deal with.


    Bookmark   October 18, 2007 at 10:13AM
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Me, too, Florence. And I've also never quite understood people who keep a tally sheet of favors done between friends. But that's a whole 'nother long story!

Carla, of course it isn't mature to keep count. But, sadly, some people only age, not mature, as the years go by . . .

    Bookmark   October 18, 2007 at 10:44AM
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Born score keeper...I think it's foolish & petty but it's in there logged in like a SS#. My sister never calls I call here 3 times a month. I never speak to my brothers unless it's a family gathering or they wan't theater tickets! I email a good number of folks and don't seem to keep score on that as it wasn't part of the childhood programing. My family all seem to hate email except for a cousin in Florida who I had to block after she dragged me into an email war between her and another cousin.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2007 at 11:32AM
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pete41(9ab FL.)

I think the concept of maturity is a complete joke.We are all childish role players projecting whatever image we envision of ourselves.

    Bookmark   October 18, 2007 at 1:51PM
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carla17(Z7 NC)

Thanks everyone. I wanted to let this post disappear. I made a bad decision to air my family matters. My MIL is so stubborn that most times I just give up on her. She is a pitiful person because she hurts people and that causes them to distance themselves.


    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 7:47AM
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Carla----don't give up-----my first DH mother was kind of like that----When first DH died there were many hurt feelings but I insisted my children visit their grandmother and I also kept up communications---then one day while she was walking me to the door she said "I love you " and I laughingly replied --"well--that only took you 30 years" at which point she too broke up laughing---so hang in there and just keep being nice even if it hurts !!!

I miss my first MIL even if she could be difficult and set in her ways-----

Just some advice from an older lady--------LOL LOL


    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 9:57AM
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Carla - the one thing you should NOT do is get into a contest of some type between your MIL and Husband. Their history goes back too far for someone else, even a loved spouse, to adjust it.

I'd just sit it out. Best of luck.

    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 4:03PM
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carla17(Z7 NC)

I already dread Christmas with MIL> She is a heavy drinker and often is intoxicated at every family dinner. She can be insulting too when she drinks. Oh well, again thank you for your support.


    Bookmark   October 19, 2007 at 7:38PM
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You know Carla, this was a sore subject in my family with one member. My dad worked, he did not have time to make phone calls and if he did, it's was usually more expensive because businesses had a different rate. It never mattered to me if he called me or not, but then again, I never thought twice to pick up the phone and call him. I knew he was busy and couldn't afford to just dial out, it added up. If I wanted to communicate, I would be the one calling. When I did call, we stayed on the phone for a long time, often he had to put the phone down to tend to pumping gas, but that was ok.

Chances are your hubby is busy working, maybe your MIL never worked and has no clue? Does she have email? Is it possible for your hubby to email her every now & then?

    Bookmark   October 20, 2007 at 8:26AM
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