I have never posted my personal issues here before, preferring to just talk about roses. But today I am so incredibly full of anguish for my oldest daughter that I am a wreck. I'm just looking for some reassurance from my friends here that I did the right thing.
I will try to make a long story short. DD is 21 yrs. old, a lovely & kindhearted girl. She met her boyfriend 2 1/2 yrs. ago and moved in with him. At first, it all seemed so wonderful and we welcomed him into our family. I was SO delighted to see my darling daughter so filled with happiness and I liked her boyfriend because of this. Seeing that beautiful smile on her face made me happy. Especially since she had just ended an emotionally abusive relationship with a loser. Some parents might be against the relationship, since the man is 32 yrs. old, newly divorced, with 2 young children. But I had an open mind, because he was so good to her. She moved into his apartment and they seemed so happy for a time. She was enjoying having her own little place and decorating it. Then troubling things started to happen. They always had financial problems, losing 2 cars and being evicted from 2 apartments. They lived with us for awhile, moved into another apartment, then couldn't make rent because the boyfriend lost his job. What concerned me was that this 32 yr. old man didn't have a vehicle, a job, owed child support, didn't have a bank account or even credit cards....he literally had nothing...
Nothing but my DD supporting him. When her car broke down one time, she saved up $800 to get it repaired, which wasn't easy considering she was supporting them both. During the time her car was broken down she walked to & from work everyday, sometimes leaving so early in the morning it was still dark out. Her job was quite a distance away and she was without a car for many weeks. She had kept the money hidden very well so she could get her car fixed....but when she went to get the money it was gone. This was the second time that hundreds of dollars that she had saved had mysteriously disappeared.
Only she and her boyfriend knew where the money was hidden.
They both claimed that an intruder had broken in (both times, 2 different apartments) and taken it, yet what bugged me was that nothing else was ever stolen, everything was in its place, and the doors were locked...no forced entry. I couldn't help but be suspicious, but kept it to myself...I had no proof of anything.
Fast forward to 7 1/2 weeks ago. After losing yet another apartment, DD begged me to allow him to move in with her here. I wasn't crazy about the idea but she pleaded with me, and I never could say NO to those big beautiful eyes of hers. She said it would only be for a week or two. The boyfriend hung out here in our home while we all went off to work every day. Weeks passed and he still wasn't working (he found a job but only worked for a week or two, then left). My husband tried to help them out by giving him a job at his hardware store...after all, the boyfriend owed back child support and we didn't want the children to suffer. Shortly after they moved in, my next door nighbor called to say that $700 had been stolen out of his house while he was away for the weekend. We had our suspicions, but no proof once again because none of us had been home. Then the boyfriend stole a 5-gal. can of gas from our shed to put in DD's car, even though DD gave him $20 gas money and DH had paid him that day. We know he stole it because DH found the empty gas can in the trunk. Then another can of gas was stolen from the hardware store...he put the can outside of the store while he was there working and must have gone back that night to get it. My daughter was planning a big birthday trip for the boyfriend's birthday, and asked to put the hotel & tickets to an event on my credit card. She promised to pay it off week by week. She told me she would give me $260 next paycheck. When I came home from work, I counted out $190 that she had left for me. Now the thing is, no one was home during the day but the boyfriend. Just to verify (because I didn't trust the boyfriend at this point), I confirmed with her that she gave me $190. When I told her she'd left $190 her face went ghostly white. She told me NO...she had left $260 there for me. She frantically started searching for the missing $70, at which point I finally HAD to say something. I pointed out that only "he" was here with the money. She went downstairs to confront him and he denied taking it. This is where I hope I did the right thing. I knocked on their bedroom door and demanded to talk to her alone. I needed to make her see what was going on, that "he" was stealing from her (and us) and it had been going on for a time. She was of course in denial, but finally I think it all started to come together in her head and she was crying and shaking so hard her teeth were chattering. I held her tight but it hurt me terribly to see her heart breaking...and it hurt so much to know that he even had the gall to steal from the fund she was paying for HIS birthday present! He still is denying ever taking anything, but my DD is finally sticking up for herself and told him she can't live with someone who lies and steals, even though she is, in spite of this, still madly in love with him.
Now he's leaving today on the bus to go to Florida to live with his mother, and my daughter is distraught. I know I did the right thing to protect my child, but it hurts me so much to see the agony she is going through. Her heart is breaking and so is mine, because I can't take the pain away for her.
Any words of comfort would be appreciated since I feel so miserable right now. I should be glad that he's not going to take advantage of her anymore, but he did have some nice qualities and he did make my daughter feel beautiful and loved for a time....so I can't feel any happiness now. Seeing her cry her heart out and knowing what she's going through (I've been through it myself), just makes me feel empty inside.