Politeness/ Different expectations question about a friend
My apologies in advance if I have to go MIA any before thanking folks for any input. I might not be on for a few days, or just long enough to click Print but I appreciate any thoughts!
OK, I have a pet peeve about my best friend's style of making plans, and I know she's brooding over how I handled it this past week.
I know folks have different styles so I thought y'all can say how to explain mine to her, change mine some, whatever.
I asked her to remeber me next time she fixed a dish I love of hers. This, she liked and thought was flattering and said 'next week'. Definitely going great so far, lol.
Well, because of my back pain issue and the fact that we are neighbors, we don't talk on the phone much or make the strictest plans - we just pop over when we aren't busy [or 'sick']. That does make plan-making strange. Half the time, she's busy with the kids or my back is too bad but it was just a thought we'll do later or we go on without the other for shopping, restaurants, etc.
The way I like to work plans that need to be more definite is to plan them in advance. Then I can rest/watch my back the days before.
She likes "when you feel like it" for much more, apparently.
What ended up happening is me having a full enough day [that could have waited till the next day] that my back had me unable to go anywhere that night. Ring, ring..."Dinner's almost ready. Do you still wanna come over?".
My back was so bad I had to not take calls, so clearly I'd miss my favorite dish :(
Now, I was irked that I didnt hear when she was doing it till the last second. It happens a lot with her, but this was 'for me' so I know she wanted us definitely together for it. Most likely... her husband isn't big on the dish, lol.
I can predict that she's mad that I didn't call to ask when it would be another time [after asking that once already]... but she rarely knows when and won't give an answer usually.
Mostly, etiquette-wise I feel like I'm being pushy if I ask any more times! How can someone tactfully blow me off if I keep inviting myself, lol?
But I've seen her mad at other friends for 'standing her up' on plans to come to her house often enough that I'm beginning to suspect that those folks were expecting a details-call/ solid invite from her in reality. She thinks they are rude to not call and say they aren't coming, and they are probably thinking "Saturday or Sunday maybe" is not a real invitation.
So, should I have kept asking when it would be, or was it OK for me to think she'd call and let me know that it was on and for when. [I'm thinking by the night before, or that morning latest if she really hoped I could do it that night, btw] Maybe she found impolite what I thought would have been too pushy. ??