If I Sound Out of Sorts...

lblack61(z5 NY)May 2, 2008

...or can't seem to phrase my words properly here on the forum, it's because I've had a rough Spring.

My father was diagnosed with cancer in the fall, and it he passed away early March. My mother was taken to the hospital two weeks ago with severe pains in her back and legs, was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, told she had months, not weeks to live, then died last Friday.

My siblings and I are stunned.

You read about things like this, but never expect to experience it.

Anyway, when the hospice called me, I cried, then I grabbed seeds of flowers I knew she would love, and Spring Sowed them.

-- I'm even reading this now and feeling disbelief.

Anyway, in case I sound weird, disconnected, or out of sorts (or am absent from here), this is the reason why.

I love you all.


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not_a_contessa(z5b S Central PA mtns.)

Linda, I read your post and said a prayer for you. Please know you will remain in my thoughts and prayers, you have every reason to feel as you do. We never know what's going to come our way in life, and sowing your mother's favorite flowers will keep you feeling still close to her.

Hugs, Mary

    Bookmark   May 2, 2008 at 12:51PM
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bakemom_gw(z6 Central Ohio)

We love you too. Let your garden be a comfort to you.

    Bookmark   May 2, 2008 at 1:58PM
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PVick(6b NYC)

My heart goes out to you, Linda! We love you right back ...


    Bookmark   May 2, 2008 at 11:11PM
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mnwsgal 4 MN(4)

Sowing seeds of flowers your mother loved was a lovely way to honor her and give yourself comfort, Linda. Losing both of your parents in such a short time is a great sadness. Remember that we keep you in our thoughts and take joy in your garden and your gardening friends.


    Bookmark   May 3, 2008 at 3:24PM
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kqcrna(z6 SW Oh)

Oh, Linda, I am so sorry. Know that you wintersowing family feels for you.

It is so true that life isn't fair. Nobody should have to suffer the loss of both parents in so short a time. One is bad enough. Two, unthinkable.


    Bookmark   May 3, 2008 at 7:19PM
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laurelin(z5a/4b Upstate NY)

Oh Linda, I am so sorry to hear of your losses. To lose your parents so close together is heartbreaking. I will pray for you, for peace and grace to help you in your pain. My husband lost his aunt unexpectedly last month, but losing your parents is a whole other trial. I hope your garden blooms beautifully, abundantly, and continuously, and that you have great comfort in tending and watching it while you remember your parents.


    Bookmark   May 4, 2008 at 9:17AM
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How awful is life to you so badly---I'm sorry to hear this sad news. With the pain of losing your parents there is both relief and release; life does go forwards and each week passes into months and then years, and along the way the tears do stop falling.

During this time don't become a doormat for other people, do take time to do good things for yourself.


    Bookmark   May 4, 2008 at 1:01PM
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Oh Linda... I wish I could just give you the warmest hugs I could give.. you are my special friend here on this forum and my heart broke when I read your post.

Each time you see your garden with all it's wonder, think about Heaven and God and how your parents are enjoying their paradise.....

Love, Carrie

    Bookmark   May 5, 2008 at 6:59AM
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newbie_in_nj(6b E/Central NJ)

I don't know you well as others on the forum but, like so many others, have lost my Mom and my Dad's going through his own medical battles now.

In one way I feel so blessed to have had loving parents to miss my mother so much even after almost 3 years. It still doesn't seem real to me.

To think of having lost my father so soon after Mom would have been too cruel. I feel so much for your situation.

I never even tried gardening until after my mother passed away. I planted a Butterfly Garden last fall in her memory so Dad could see some of the Butterflies she loved so much and last fall put in Tulip, Hyacinth & Daff bulbs which Dad had for her every year when we were growing up.

This is an incredibly painful, numbing time for you. I know time goes on and life continues but this is a special time when you need the support your friends offer and to be kind to yourself as you go through the motions of everyday life until the fog lifts enough not to feel numb all the time.

In this crazy, bustling world it's easy to forget there are still people who sincerely care and are gentle, generous souls like I see on this WS forum.

You, Vera and Moonphase are in in my thoughts as you've all posted situations that need support.

Loss of any kind is a hard part of life that we just have to fill with things we cherish and make us feel lifted up a bit. Sharing with garden friends seems like a double blessing. Doesn't cure the pain but keeps it in the background for a little needed rest.

    Bookmark   May 6, 2008 at 3:25AM
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lblack61(z5 NY)

I read all your responses this morning and tears came to my eyes.
You are all such beautiful people.
I know we all have things we go through that are difficult, and it's nice to be able to share them in this community.
I tend to write my way through hard times (guess that's why I'm a writer and a poet).
Again, I have to thank Trudi for bringing the world of gardening to me, which is definitely a wonderful way to work through grief, I'm finding.
As a child and teenager (and young adult) I was never into dirt, getting dirty, being around bugs. But my parents always had a huge vegetable garden. I wanted them to come down and see my own garden, to see how even though I didn't like gardening when I was younger, their talents and abilities rubbed off on me. My mom was always tickled that suddenly I had become tolerant of bugs.
They'll both be with me this year, as I grow flowers and vegetables. I know I'll always think of them as I garden.
(Those seeds I WSed on the Solstice have a particularly special meaning for me now). Faith and Remembrance.
Thank you all so for your support :-)

    Bookmark   May 6, 2008 at 8:14AM
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playintheyard(zn6 MA)

It is so hard to have your heart broken once never mind twice. My deepest sympathys are w/ you and your family.


    Bookmark   May 7, 2008 at 2:59PM
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albertar(z7 LINY)

I'm so sorry to read your sad news. I wasn't on line for almost 2 weeks and now am back up and running. Try to find some peace in your gardens. Wishing you well and sending a big hug.

    Bookmark   May 10, 2008 at 9:22PM
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