Compost Limericks...

hortster(6a, southcentral KS)June 23, 2010

Compost Haiku? Very good! How about compost limericks (OK, keep it clean, evenly balanced and oxygenated, now!)?

The junk that most gardeners waste

And toss in the trash with such haste

Can do so much good,

Is so misunderstood

That in Hades their gardens should baste.

To those that ignore things organic,

The environment is never a panic.

When they canÂt get their food

TheyÂll get rather rude!

Composters will be rather manic.

hortster

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borderbarb

I'm willing ... but rhyme-challenged. Found a 'how to' site and will give it a go.

Here is a link that might be useful: How to write a limerick

    Bookmark   June 23, 2010 at 7:20PM
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gonebananas_gw

There once was a man from out west
Whose compost, 'tis said was the best
Effluvia of steer
Dregs from making of beer
But I'll dare never tell all the rest.

    Bookmark   June 23, 2010 at 9:05PM
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mean_74(4A)

When hardwork calls I roll up my sleeves,
I ask my neighbors for all of their leaves,
With greens do I fold,
What comes out looks like gold,
I am more Super than Christopher Reeves.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 9:01AM
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borderbarb

There once was a composter from California
Who fed her hired hands nothing but trash
Not to worry, such trash is microbial goulash
They munch away with no trace of acrimonia

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 3:02PM
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jerseybob_gw

There was once was a lass from Maine
Who looked upon bread with disdain,
She would worry, she would fret
But even though not vain
She can't get Lloyd to spell it "wacko' yet

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 3:28PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

Helpful advice: some of y'all need to look at your limerick structure and rhyming. It's A-A-B-B-A, the B's being shorter lines.

Anyhoo:

There once was a man from Tibet
Who'd turn, and water, and fret
With manure of yak
He had quite a knack
Himalayan humus, the best you can get

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 4:45PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

The Dalai Lama, it's said, had a heap
Of tea leaves and such, six feet deep
All the monks were appalled
When he climbed up the wall
Said a prayer, and then took a leap.

Said the Dalai as he flew toward the midden
"Goodbye, farewell I am biddin'
To a world full of strife
Let me rot and give life
Farewell, cruel world, and good ridden!"

"You won't be rid of me, I predicate,"
Said he, "To justice I shall dedicate.
Evildoers, take heed:
I'll come back as a weed
One that's prickly and hard to eradicate!"

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 5:03PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

I've heard there's a guy in New York
who's a master at wielding his fork.
He turned his pile ever faster
until a compost disaster -
exploded by excess of torque.

Claire

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 5:57PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

AnaerobicÂs not good so they say,
When the neighbor is having his way.
When the pile becomes ripe,
You must turneth the tripe,
Or the City might maketh you pay.

hortster

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 8:13PM
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patchworkfarm(6)

Oh, this is fun.

My piles, they all seem to rot
Whether I turn them or not
But I think its a dream
To see them all steam
That's why I keep most of them hot.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 9:51PM
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patchworkfarm(6)

Success in the garden, its said
Begins with your soil being fed
But diet is hard
When you're doing low-carb,
So please just the kelp, hold the bread.

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 10:06PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who composted fish in a bucket.
He favored crustaceans
But clams tried his patience:
"If this shell wun't so hahd, I could shuck it!"

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 11:30PM
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pippimac(New Zealand)

its not often that photos of piles
are admired for thousands of miles
but on this forum,
it's the height of decorum
and we envy the 'poster his wiles

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 11:35PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

An Irish lass from New Orleans
Had too few browns and too many greens.
Her suitor, 'tis said
Brought her sawdust in bed Â
Now a steamy romance is that colleen's!

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 11:52PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

A fickle young maiden in Kansas
Composted iris, petunias, and pansies,
Prim forget-me-nots,
Sweet peppers in pots,
And love letters from old romances!

    Bookmark   June 24, 2010 at 11:59PM
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pippimac(New Zealand)

in NZ theres no earthly reason
to not compost in every season
if I was to not
I'd start losing the plot
I'm glad theres no issue with freezin'!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 12:14AM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

An earnest Australian named Roy
Mixed bokashi with fermented soy,
Stirred in mycorrhizae
Then said, "Take it easy Â
My tea will make gardening a joy!"

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 12:26AM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

Holy cow, you people are funny! I think I like nygardener's the best... ;-]

There once was a girl from Darjeeling
Who had some peculiar peelings
Like birds they did float
So she fetched a big tote
And made compost up on the ceiling!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 10:44AM
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schreber_gaertner

A composter living in Orange

Nuts!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 3:56PM
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schreber_gaertner

A baker, 'fore asking this forum,
exercising the proper decorum,
first searched for a thread
on his subject, (gasp!) bread.
What he found made him truly abhor 'em.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 5:12PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

OK, the thread may be biodegrading a bit here, but...

There once was a fellow named Lyle
Who napped quite a bit on his pile.
One day he got up,
His face brightened up
And he said, "This is Âposting in style!"

hortster

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 6:33PM
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patchworkfarm(6)

There's no better place found online
Where people dish dirt all the time
Where the best kind of scoop
Is scoring free poop
And folks stir the cr*p to unwind.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 7:11PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

There once was a group of real wackos
Who used only chewing tobaccos.
So often they'd spit
In their composting pit
That their pile needed turning with backhoes!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 7:20PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

For one group of folks on the Web,
Compost flowed, but it never did ebb.
So very mature
Were their piles of manure
That they steamed from May straight through to Feb!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 7:25PM
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schreber_gaertner

Mr. Green showed his wife his new bin.
Too excited, they both stumbled in.
A neighbor heard screams,
shouted "IÂll help the Greens,"
added browns, and in a year tilled them in.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 7:46PM
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randy_coyote(7)

Leaves, grass, cardboard, or old roast,
Straw, or paper (but not toast).
I'm mad as a hatter,
For organic matter
To rot. It all leads back to compost.

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 7:55PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

A composting deacon from Orange
For his bin swiped the church's brass door hinge.
When he swung the bin open
To toss the old Pope in
He exclaimed, "Sohn, that's my hinge, not your hinge!"

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 8:23PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Instead of tending his loams,
One gardener sat writing poems.
He forgot his plants' needs Â
Let them all grow to weeds Â
To send doggerel to GardenWeb Fo'ums!

And on that note, I'm off to tend my beds before dark. Happy summer, everyone!

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 8:30PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

I must thank luckygal and sylviatexas for the "Haiku" thread, which was the inspiration for this one. Of all the threads that I have entered, this has been the most fun and laughs. Ya'll are intelligent and creative! Have fun!
hortster

    Bookmark   June 25, 2010 at 9:24PM
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patchworkfarm(6)

Have you hugged your compost today?
Have you kept the planaria at bay?
If you've heeded the post
About composting toast
Then you, forum member, may stay.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 7:02AM
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mister_potato_head(VT 5a)

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose compost tis said brought good lucket.
Good gardeners found need,
as they planted their seed,
to use the rich mix by the bucket.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 8:04AM
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pippimac(New Zealand)

Just one more...
It's winter: the worst ever, i bet
For a month i've not seen the sun set
While rain drips through the ceiling
I find myself kneeling
Outside, concerned that my compost's too wet

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 8:13AM
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jonhughes(So.Oregon)

There once was a man from Nantucket
who liked to Compost in Buckets
His wife said he was mean
When he declared her dog was a green
but now it turns out,he's a prophet ;-)

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 11:33AM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

An addled backpacker named Dave
Tried to compost two bears in a cave.
His last words: "But you're browns!"
(Here your narrator frowns)
Not a wise man, but certainly brave.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 2:23PM
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Lloyd

There once was a farmer from Man.
Who went to the town with a plan,
"Send me your yard waste,
I'll treat it in all haste"
Now he wishes he had some more land!

    Bookmark   June 26, 2010 at 11:27PM
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jbann23(6 RI)

If composting things that disgust you,
Leads neighbors and friends to distrust you,
By every means,
Explain browns and greens,
Or the town may rally and bust you.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2010 at 9:48AM
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drippy(7bAL)

There once was a transplant to 'Bama
When arrested, explained with a stammah
"Surely those who steal leaves
Are no ordinary thieves"
But they still threw her into the slammah.

    Bookmark   June 27, 2010 at 5:18PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

Emmett Brown, the time travel professor
Built a composter a lot less messier
the Flux Capacitor thing
Brought his pile back from next spring
and made cold compost in a minute or lesser!

    Bookmark   June 29, 2010 at 4:22PM
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schreber_gaertner

We recovering composters say
we're done mixing leaves, grass, and hay.
Friends take it in stride
when flashbacks arrive--
"Hey, don't throw that away!"

    Bookmark   June 29, 2010 at 5:53PM
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schreber_gaertner

At Starbucks two composters fought
over coffee grounds fresh from the pot.
After punches and shouts
they both were kicked out.
Now how will their piles get hot?

    Bookmark   June 29, 2010 at 6:00PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
didn't need compost and didn't need weedin'.
Along came the Snake
and sold them a rake.
Cast out, they have to do all God's seedin'.

Claire

    Bookmark   June 29, 2010 at 8:47PM
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schreber_gaertner

A wacko broke into the zoo
looking for exotic poo.
Preferring well-aged
from animals caged,
he finally gave up and took gnu.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2010 at 6:00PM
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schreber_gaertner

Impatient new composters pay
for tumblers and such on ebay.
After turning and yearning,
they're finally learning
that loam wasn't built in a day.

(with a nod to byron)

    Bookmark   June 30, 2010 at 7:21PM
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Lloyd

There once was a 'poster named Lloyd,
who often made people annoyed.
But he still comes around
like an unwanted hound,
and some say he's one to a-void.

;-)

Lloyd

    Bookmark   June 30, 2010 at 8:16PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

Although this thread's getting stale,
The compost check's in the mail.
Although it's ripe presently,
I can say most unhesitantly
It will be quite sweet without fail.

    Bookmark   June 30, 2010 at 9:31PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

I struggled the haiku to learn,
then the limerick came in its turn.
What's in line next?
A hundred pages of text?
My brain is starting to burn.

Claire

    Bookmark   July 1, 2010 at 5:05PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

To claire:

This thread has gone down the road.
It is time for the limeric to fold.
After many of haiku
And those much alike, too
It is time for the composting ode?

PS: I sure ain't gonna start it! Brain has become flatulent. Fingers are tired. Compost is topmost!
hortster

    Bookmark   July 1, 2010 at 9:45PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

HereÂs one for Independence Day.

In the course of garden events
Browns and greens are found equal, hence
They give up their all
In pursuit, spring to fall,
Of compost, the happy self-evidence

    Bookmark   July 2, 2010 at 10:48AM
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schreber_gaertner

A greedy son, first by his birth
asked his dad what his compost was worth.
Dad replied "not so fast,
or you'll wind up last.
For the meek shall inherit the earth!"

    Bookmark   July 2, 2010 at 10:16PM
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borderbarb

There once was an ancient composter
Whose compost was oh so cold, sir
But her heart it is warm
For her earthweb swarm
Turn or not, stir or no stir

    Bookmark   July 4, 2010 at 12:52PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Here is more information about compost limerick's.

    Bookmark   July 8, 2010 at 4:05AM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Speakin' of gardenin' fo'ums ...

    Bookmark   July 8, 2010 at 4:28AM
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schreber_gaertner

A naive young gardener named Cora
thought this site would improve all her flora.
Instead of composting tips
she found poems and quips.
Now she spends her time on other fora.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2010 at 12:01PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Young Cora is not so naive
As her worried elders might believe.
When she mouses and clicks
On "Compost Limericks"
It's poems that she wants to retrieve.

    Bookmark   July 13, 2010 at 3:27PM
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schreber_gaertner

Though she might appreciate rhymes,
Cora's true goal was more browns to find.
After poems were read,
she'd print them and shred,
and balanced her pile in no time.

    Bookmark   July 14, 2010 at 12:02AM
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annpat(5-Maine)

(schreber_gaertner!!! Look how clever you are!)

    Bookmark   July 14, 2010 at 11:33AM
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david52 Zone 6

T'was diligent composter Ted
Assiduously feeding the bread
To planaria species
Amongst the horse feces
mixed with paper so carefully shred

    Bookmark   July 15, 2010 at 7:11PM
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schreber_gaertner

Noncomposters might think it absurd
that the color line's so often blurred.
Both yellow ureen
and brown coffee grounds green?
It matters not to the blind microherd.

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 1:18PM
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schreber_gaertner

We wackos have a feel for the land
that sane folks just don't understand:
like collecting filth
for improving tilth,
or the warmth of the pile on your hand.

Sorry to keep adding to this pile. I hope I run out eventually!

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 4:19PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

OK, two of my worst, which I've managed to restrain myself from posting until now:

A farmer who lived in Dubuque
Made her compost from nothing but puke.
Her neighbors, alarmed,
Left a note where she farmed
With a stern (although tactful) rebuke.

The chef of a Baltimore resto
Made composted eels into pesto.
They flocked in to try it Â
The Baltimore Diet Â
Now the resto is listed in Best O'!

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 4:50PM
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schreber_gaertner

Love it, NY! I think I've gone off the deep end, help!!!

The soil scientists tend to play
with acronyms like NPK.
Don't forget ol' Monsanto
with the dreaded GMO.
We'll take plain OM any day.

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 5:01PM
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schreber_gaertner

A group of bored composters took
too long with poems 'til one said "look,
we must not abandon
the earth that we plant in,
or we'll just end up writing a book."

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 5:13PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

With apologies to Ogden Nash:

Poet,
Grow it!

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 8:17PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

The hortster, who started this thread,
Is beginning to wish he was dead!
Although these've been clever,
It's to pulleth the lever
And back to Haiku, instead!

    Bookmark   July 16, 2010 at 11:15PM
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schreber_gaertner

An old lawyer of some renown
worked with compost to keep his stress level down.
When he ran out of leafs,
he shredded his briefs.
(He found them the best source for brown.)

    Bookmark   July 17, 2010 at 6:22AM
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james_57(5)

It cracks me that the OP (Hortster) would even imply that us innocent little O'le composters would even think of a naughty limerick.

there once was a girl from reno
who made compost with tickes of kino
but made such a mess
with uera from bess
is now band from the local casino

James

    Bookmark   July 18, 2010 at 4:35PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

Ah, hortster, my limerick loving friend,
you can't just will a good thread to an end.
It takes on a life of its own;
this is the seed you have sown,
and you can only hope that none will offend.

Claire

    Bookmark   July 18, 2010 at 4:58PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

A whacko across the Atlantic
Was getting increasingly frantic
A limerickÂs a doddle
It should rhyme like this model
Signed Flora, amused and pedantic

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 1:58PM
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schreber_gaertner

Oh Flora UK, please don't cry, ma'am.
No one's more pedantic than I am.
When it comes to poems
about compost and loams,
I prefer anapests over iambs.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 4:44PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Hi schreber, your name makes me curious
Are you German or is that just spurious?
Umlauts donÂt work on line
But AE will do fine
By the way, I am not really furious.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 5:11PM
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schreber_gaertner

No, German's not my mother tongue,
though I learned it while still rather young.
Umlauts work fine,
even on line,
büt switching the keyböärd's nö fün.

    Bookmark   July 20, 2010 at 5:49PM
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schreber_gaertner

The fault's largely mine, it is true.
But I'm cursed and don't know what to do.
I truly can't wait
for that glorious date
when this link finally drops to page 2.

    Bookmark   July 21, 2010 at 1:22PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

When does it end? You are curious?
This thread that's by no means penurious
Why, when browns become green
The stars no longer seen
And the Cubs finally win the World Serious

    Bookmark   July 21, 2010 at 3:20PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

There is a fine lady in Maine
Erudite, funny and sane
Loves her hens and her dog
But she cannot stand sog
Such as b***d thatÂs left out in the rain.

(But where is she when we're having so much fun?)

    Bookmark   July 21, 2010 at 4:39PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

Toxcrusader, hasnÂt cost me a thing
To my gardenweb moniker hang
My love for the Cubbies
AinÂt as much as the rubbish
That my compost piles forth bring.

[PS: had to look up "penurious"! You must be a sesquipedalian?]
hortster

    Bookmark   July 21, 2010 at 9:27PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

An erudite gardening Canadian
With long words would typically weigh in
With decomposition, aerobic
And exchange capacity, humic
A composting sesquipedalian!

Except that IÂm not at all from Canada, it just rhymed. ;-]

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 11:36AM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

This long thread was started by hortster,
A fair gentle bulletin boardster.
If only he knew
The foul witches' brew
That gardeners bored out of their gourd stir!

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 12:28PM
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Lloyd

A thread maxes out at one fifty,
to get there would be cool and nifty.
We'd have little trouble
to make it go double,
so for now we'll just have to be thrifty.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 2:03PM
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schreber_gaertner

A gardener known for austerity,
in his will showed surprising temerity.
He bequeathed no cash,
but wanted his ash
composted for all of posterity.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 3:53PM
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schreber_gaertner

His shocked heirs then met with the lawyer,
convinced one of them was the spoiler.
They id'd the cheat
by the dirt on her feet,
and, incensed, hatched a vile plan to foil her.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 4:03PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

I expected to learn about worms,
and the Soil Food Web and its germs,
But never did I dream
and sometimes want to scream,
I'd be googling poetical terms.

Claire

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 4:44PM
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schreber_gaertner

The group set a trap for their sister
with something she couldnÂt resist. Her
weakness they knew
was straw mixed with poo.
As a lure it would no doubt enlist her.

On the day that dad's ashes were dumped
the mean groupÂs emotions were pumped.
They each took their turn
scooping out from the urn,
aimed their shovels at sister and thumped.

She survived, though, to their great dismay,
revived herself and ran away.
She snuck back in a while
to retrieve the pile,
and used it in a very big way.

Her pumpkin now grew with dadÂs care.
She entered it in the state fair.
The judges adored
the thousand-pound gourd.
With the winnings sheÂs now a rich heir.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 4:57PM
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schreber_gaertner

Wasting hours on poems this week,
I offered my family a peek.
They quickly detected
what they'd always suspected.
Dad's an embarrassing composting geek.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 5:07PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Oh Schreber, I am a great klutz!
ItÂs astonishing how the mind shuts
Itself down when on email.
I assumed you were female,
But now I discover youÂve got nuts!

(Not to mention a vivid imagination)

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 5:27PM
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schreber_gaertner

Oh, Flora, your post made me grin.
Your error of course is no sin.
You may not have known,
with no Y chromosome,
my name would've been "Gaertnerin."

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 5:39PM
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schreber_gaertner

As a group, compost wackos are witty.
When they're not wasting time on a ditty,
they're out in the yard
with their forks working hard,
making sure that their pile's good and--

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 6:01PM
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schreber_gaertner

A visitor here came to see
information on composting pee.
We told him "don't worry
or be in a hurry.
Don't forget IALBTC."

(Man, I've got to get back to work!)

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 6:15PM
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schreber_gaertner

I've got to give poems a rest.
I'll try to abstain as a test.
...
...
Nope, it's now clear I'm obsessed.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 8:11PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

Now, now, you must call it a day,
time to work and forget about play.
If you don't it is true
they'll be coming for you,
they're coming to take you away.

Claire

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 8:52PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

ItÂs obvious that I must have slipped;
To new lows this thread has now dipped.
Schreber has lost it -
Claire and Flora have tossed it
To a deepening aerobic crypt.

    Bookmark   July 22, 2010 at 9:00PM
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patchworkfarm(6)

My husband declares it a crime
I now spend my gardening time
On my hands and knees
Weeding the peas
Talking to myself in rhyme

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 11:07AM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Hortster, youÂre right, itÂs ill bred
To lower the tone of a thread
But IÂm over the sea
Where you cannot catch me
So I write what comes into my head.

Schreber, I just failed to spot
That after your name there was not
An Â- in for a girl
Which makes my toes curl
As Deutschlehrerin's my lifeÂs lot.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 11:52AM
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schreber_gaertner

Es tut mir sehr leid, liebe Flora.
Ich muà einfach sagen, "keine Sorge".
Ob Bub' oder "gal"
ist mir scheiÃegal.
Im Netz kann ich ein Geschlecht borge'

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 12:41PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Now I am totally floored,
I can only gasp and applaud.
Who could compete
With your Teutonic feat?
And my compost is getting ignored.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 1:56PM
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schreber_gaertner

So long on these poems did I spend,
that it caused my coworkers to send
my boss (who's a jerk)
to say "get back to work!"
I'll comply--on his checks I depend.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 3:58PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

What? YouÂre writing all these at your work place?
You should be ashamed with a red face.
I write every 'pome'
On my keyboard at home
And I fear I canÂt keep up the pace.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 4:34PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

You both are obsessive-compulsive!
This threadÂs far, far from repulsive.
I've nipped at your heels,
To lessen the squeals,
But my laughterÂs become quite convulsive!

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 7:39PM
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schreber_gaertner

Compared to browns greens or rhymed words,
my day job seems almost absurd.
It's true I'm distracted
and my work is impacted,
when I'd rather be shoveling turds.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 7:54PM
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schreber_gaertner

Two chefs who composted once argued
over which animal they barbecued.
The taste of the flesh
mattered much less
than the quality of what would be poo'd.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 8:12PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

The web will be glad when weÂre done
Having strange/crazy limerick fun.
But it isnÂt so crazy
Thinking of micorhizzae
When our poems tout organic puns.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 8:14PM
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schreber_gaertner

A gardener who grew marijuano
perfected a mixture of guano
that perked up his crops
and attracted the cops.
I'd try it, except I don't wanno.

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 8:24PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

pt03 says the max is 150!
Ain't seen it but sounds rather iffy.
Why not re-expound
And "boor" those around
Until this thread's quite dead and stiffy?

    Bookmark   July 23, 2010 at 8:45PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

I worry about this new vice
Sending off rhymes not quite nice
IÂve developed bad habits
Limericks breed like rabbits
When should I put them on ice?

    Bookmark   July 24, 2010 at 7:03AM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Schreber, and all you other compost poets - just a quick goodbye for a while.

School is now out for some time
So youÂd think IÂd have leisure to rhyme
But IÂm going away
For a nice holiday
Or Âvacation you'd say in your clime.

Enjoy the rest of the summer, Flora.

    Bookmark   July 30, 2010 at 11:35AM
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schreber_gaertner

(OK, the dry spell is over)

"Never use seedy greens without heating"
is advice that is well worth repeating.
'Stead I'm weeding and weeding,
and weeding and weeding,
and weeding and weeding and weeding.

(Can you guess what I was doing when this inspiration hit?)

    Bookmark   August 5, 2010 at 10:19PM
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Lloyd

Laundry?

;-)

    Bookmark   August 6, 2010 at 8:32AM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

So the thread had slipped off of the page,
and we thought it was the end the Age.
But schreber couldn't resist
a new limerick to list,
Now it's entering a scary new stage.

Claire

    Bookmark   August 6, 2010 at 12:01PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

There once was an Internet forum
That observed the most lovely decorum.
Then a limerick thread started,
The members departed,
And soon there was barely a quorum.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2010 at 5:11PM
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schreber_gaertner

I'd learned compost helps with fertility
and enhances one's gard'ning ability.
But when friends saw what I grew
and the limericks, too,
they started to doubt my virility.

    Bookmark   August 6, 2010 at 6:13PM
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schreber_gaertner

I can't blame my friends who demean me.
A male gardening poet's unseemly.
But they'll soon shut their mouths,
and abandon all doubts,
when they see my enormous zucchini.

    Bookmark   August 7, 2010 at 11:22AM
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borderbarb

My Momma done tole me
To avoid jokes about fertility
But she was neither gardener nor 'poster
So I'll just ignore her
BTW, best bury huge zukes in 'post debris

///
I know this is lame ... but hope others will say...'hey, I can do better than that', and this entertaining thread will continue.

    Bookmark   August 7, 2010 at 1:43PM
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james_57(5)

There once was A man named fred.
who composted his wife that was dead
when the cops beat the door
he will compost no more
they through him in jail in stead.

I compost in bins lined in 3
the neighbor stands laughing at me
while I toil and turn
he piles to burn
but my garden out produces HeHE!

there once was a composter named Lloyd
with yard deco he tinkered and toyed
with a beer in hand
and project well planned
his contraptions were quickly deployed

(Me) yard deco, good stuff!
(Wife) junk!

    Bookmark   August 9, 2010 at 1:05PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

Every time this thread dies down to dusto
And the keyboards are starting to rusto,
There comes a composter that
Pulls back this dead ghoster
Then stirs the pile up with more gusto.

Thirty-sevenÂs a number quite prime
(The posts that are yet left to rhyme).
pt says one-fifty
Might close this thread swiftly
And a re-start, methinks, is a crime.

    Bookmark   August 9, 2010 at 4:13PM
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james_57(5)

36 is the number so fair
web masters love rhyme! (Oh contraire)
we will go back to are bins
with big wide grins
for neglected compost!(beware).

James

    Bookmark   August 9, 2010 at 5:36PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

I think this will be thirty-five
that's keeping these limericks alive.
When we reach the countdown
we can all go to town
as busy as bees in a hive.

Claire

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 4:15PM
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borderbarb

Hamlet [Act 111, Scene IV]
And do not spread the compost on the weeds, To make them ranker.

Heed Shakespear's sage advice
Even from a mad character's device
Because Hamlet was insanely angry
He warned his Mom with suggestive imagry
An obvious threat, and not very nice

    Bookmark   August 10, 2010 at 7:09PM
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james_57(5)

spreading some compost on your weeds
could double your greens ror your compost needs
some say why
have weeds to the sky
for it is best on your vegetable seeds

the city is just 1 block away
that is best,Ido have to say
the Doogooders holler
try to fine me a doller
they can cite,but can't make me pay

from yard deco I do erect
head frames for tomato project
they look like hell
but work quite well
so I shall move on to another subject

PS if you build your tomato sopports strong enough
you can always pull an engine in the off season.

James

    Bookmark   August 11, 2010 at 9:50AM
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schreber_gaertner

Oh, where is our Flora U.K.?
Seems like ages since she went away.
Can she care for her piles
from across many miles?
Or, ignored, will they fail to decay?

    Bookmark   August 13, 2010 at 6:24PM
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gardenfanatic(MO zone5b)

You folks are very clever! I've been laughing so hard, I have tears running down my face!

Sorry, no limerick. I'm not that talented-

Deanna

    Bookmark   August 14, 2010 at 1:25AM
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burra_maluca

This bloody limerick thread
just won't get out of my head!
I tried to ignore it
but there's nothing for it
but to write one. Or so it is said.

There, I wrote one! But is one enough?
I can't write much more of this stuff.
I'll try to write three
and then we will see
if they sound a bit too off the cuff.

So now please can I have some respite?
My muse is getting contrite!
Becoming a bard
is awfully hard
and I ain't got no clue what to write...

    Bookmark   August 14, 2010 at 12:23PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Schreber, itÂs lovely to hear
That you're wondering when I'll appear
Again on this thread
But as already said
IÂve had two weeks of hols. Is that clear?

As it happens IÂm back for one day
Before I again go away
This time itÂs hiking
And much to my liking
But the gardenÂs a mess, I must say.

I quickly went down there today.
The piles showed delicious decay
But the zucs were stonkers
The beans had gone bonkers
For the harvest has suffered delay.

    Bookmark   August 16, 2010 at 1:58PM
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corunum z6 CT(6)

My compost pile is on a field of clay,
A field IÂd swap any good day.
Everything I dump is organic matter
But it looks as if itÂs all a tatter.
Hope springs eternal someday itÂll pay.

If I turn and turn will it heat up?
Or pour it a beer or pee from a pup?
All I want is black gold
Before IÂm too old
And blest soil for my veggies to sup.

Someone led me to this link,
Sure hope I donÂt stink.
Just really want good compost
Took a chance, thought IÂd post
Off I go, best to all, wink, wink.

    Bookmark   August 16, 2010 at 3:31PM
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schreber_gaertner

Seems composting work's never done,
and poetry's getting ho-hum.
So I got off my rump,
gave this thread a bump.
Now it's where it belongs--on page 1.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2010 at 3:58PM
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schreber_gaertner

My wife begged so long for a horse,
that I thought it would lead to divorce.
But I swallowed my pride,
so she gets to ride.
(And I get the manure, of course!)

    Bookmark   August 23, 2010 at 4:09PM
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schreber_gaertner

I should have known better than to
compromise and drop my guard, too.
My wife was "so sure"
I still wanted manure
that our horsey count now stands at two.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2010 at 4:20PM
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schreber_gaertner

2 ponies is great for green hoarders.
But today we got 2 more as boarders!
The size of my piles
can be seen now for miles.
(And the smell is attracting reporters.)

    Bookmark   August 23, 2010 at 5:02PM
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schreber_gaertner

Kitchen scraps, sawdust, and straw,
vegetables, both cooked and raw,
fish tails and heads,
and (shhh!) even breads,
go into my bin's gaping maw.

My bin is by no measure picky.
It eats anything, fresh or icky.
My friends, young and old
ask about my black gold.
I tell them "just try, it's not tricky."

    Bookmark   August 31, 2010 at 4:30PM
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don_b(9/10 So Cal)

Oh no, Schreber's at it again!
Why can't he just stay with his bin?
Instead of wasting our time
showing off with his rhymes.
If we're lucky, the worms'll do him in!

    Bookmark   August 31, 2010 at 4:46PM
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schreber_gaertner

I have a confession to make.
The name "don b" was a fake.
I discovered that old one
from way back in '01.
Now everyone knows I'm a flake.

    Bookmark   August 31, 2010 at 4:59PM
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wayne_5 zone 6a Central Indiana

Today in the gardens I have seen a toad and my trusty garter snake....hope it moves down to the sweetpotato row.

Anyway I am reminded of my very first written poem. It was an assignment in 2nd grade and I still remember it:

I saw a toad
going down the road.
He seemed to say,
"You go the other way."

    Bookmark   August 31, 2010 at 6:07PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

There's a hurricane coming named Earl,
that may give my compost a twirl.
Category 4, 2 or 3,
or a near miss it could be.
A PITA is H. Earl!

Claire

    Bookmark   September 1, 2010 at 1:45PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

All the garden beds now are turned under
In the distance are rumbles of thunder.
The wind, icy and keen,
Will freeze both brown and green
And scatter the leaves that we plunder!

    Bookmark   November 14, 2010 at 6:20PM
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schreber_gaertner

In SoCal we compost year-round.
The effect on the garden's profound.
But a nice winter break
from the fork and the rake
would be good--and my back could rebound.

    Bookmark   November 15, 2010 at 4:43PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

It's not too cold yet on the coast,
and I've only got half-done compost,
But wintry winds are ahead
and I must soon start to spread
or all of my plants will be toast!

Claire

    Bookmark   November 15, 2010 at 8:41PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

Like a wraith from the ranks of undead
It raises its mouldering head
In gloomy November
Composters remember
That unkillable limerick thread

    Bookmark   November 16, 2010 at 3:30AM
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james_57(5)

There once was a lady named Gay
In her compost she always did lay
When the sun would shine
And a tall glass of wine
She would dream of scoring more hay

There once was a man named ted
who composted behind a big shed
when his gal said I do
he shouted Woo Hoo
And thats were the couple was wed

    Bookmark   November 16, 2010 at 9:54AM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

An aspiring young Princess named Kate
Dug a garden that hadn't a Gate.
To banish her Fauna,
She sowed belladonna.
Now her Flora are truly first-rate.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2010 at 1:40PM
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schreber_gaertner

The brutal SoCal winter's nifty.
Our winter wardrobe can be thrifty.
No shorts and no tan
for those two weeks in Jan.
when the temp. (brrr!) gets down close to fifty.

    Bookmark   November 18, 2010 at 2:23PM
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flora_uk(SW UK 8/9)

NY, I can't rhyme the word 'fauna'
With a word that for me goes like 'corner'
Over here 'belladonna'
Sounds like the name 'Connor'
It's all down to where you were born - ah.

(Clever type faces - how do you do that?)

    Bookmark   November 18, 2010 at 4:44PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

As the season of autumn now passes,
Our piles just get leaves and no grasses.
So, away from the bin
The rhymes must begin.
(We âÂÂposters get bored on our azzez.)

    Bookmark   November 18, 2010 at 5:25PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Stocked her pond with piranha?

    Bookmark   November 18, 2010 at 5:30PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Make that ... She stood out in her Sauna.

(With thanks to daguvanah!)

    Bookmark   November 19, 2010 at 12:12PM
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schreber_gaertner

Thanksgiving Day is upon us
and we composters get a huge bonus.
When the feasting is done
it's just as much fun
watching leftovers turn into humus.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

    Bookmark   November 23, 2010 at 2:12PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

Notwithstanding his fondness for fonts,
NYG toned them down for the nonce.
"Although my lilacs
Look great in italics,
Ariel does quite well for my plants."

Up north, where the weather is cold,
One gardener resolved to be bold.
He constructed a greenhouse
With the climate of Venus
And grew flowers of deep blue and gold.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2010 at 10:24AM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

One fine day in May (or was it June?),
A composter struck up a tune.
"Such fine tidbits I'll
Toss in my pile
That my plants will grow over the moon!"

    Bookmark   January 26, 2011 at 11:05PM
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nygardener(z6 New York)

There once was a GardenWeb thread
Given up by its members for dead.
But as summertime waned,
And the brooding skies rained,
It woke up and again reared its head!

    Bookmark   September 21, 2011 at 3:39PM
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claireplymouth z6b coastal MA

Oh no! cried the Garden Web horde;
nygardener must surely be bored.
Whoever manages to end
this frightening new trend,
will earn a stupendous reward.

Claire

    Bookmark   September 21, 2011 at 8:40PM
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toxcrusadr(Zone 6a - MO)

Let us end this charade pretty puhleez
To wit I've shipped bones and grease
From a certain NY address
To the Compost Police, a mess
They'll have it shut down, desisted and ceased

:-] Kidding!

    Bookmark   September 22, 2011 at 1:08PM
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schreber_gaertner

nyg's poetic juices are flowing
(I gather his corn has stopped growing).
But in Zones 9 and 10,
work's about to begin.
Our winter crops we must start sowing.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2011 at 4:13PM
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hortster(6a, southcentral KS)

Truly, a great monster was created.
'Tis my hope that these limericks be abated.
Nygardener has twitched
From an unstoppable itch
That apparently can't be sated.

    Bookmark   September 22, 2011 at 8:54PM
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