Return to the Vegetable Gardening Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Posted by obrionusa 5 (My Page) on
Tue, Apr 27, 10 at 21:26

My girlfriend had some water damage in her basement from excessive rain, downspouts plugged etc.
Anyhow about 7 sheets of 4x8 drywall was needed to repair. We cut out the old, disposed of and carried down the new drywall. Well I got busy, a little lazy and didn't want to tackle the project. I really don't know that much about doing this type or work anyway. Well 9 months later still not done. I'm not sure if I told her I would do the work originally, but she expected me to. I ran into a friend who was laid off from construction. . The price was right and she told him to do it. Well now I feel guilty that she has to pay for something that she thought I should have done. I told her I would pay half and she says that I don't have to worry about it. I can tell she is a little bitter now that he will be done tomorrow and the bill is due. We have been dating 4 years and we do not live together. The man worked on it 4 days and a total of about 16 hours. He is waiting for mud to dry overnight. What to do? Oh, the bill is $300.00


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

WhatEVER you do...DON'T take her FLOWERS to try and smooth things over. LOL!

Sounds like a classic case of: lack of communication.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

  • Posted by anney Georgia 8 (My Page) on
    Tue, Apr 27, 10 at 21:38

If you want to keep things half-way amicable, I think you should probably pay for at least half of it.

She didn't want to make an insurance claim to pay for it? I know lots of people wouldn't, just to keep the rates down. When I was younger, I used to call a bunch of women friends for jobs like that, I'd pay for the supplies, and we'd do the work ourselves. We made a party out of it.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Pay the bill, not half of it,..... 4 years ???? You people are married, take it from someone who has been married for 27 years... pay the bill and take her out to dinner and a play/movie/walk in the park....Show her that you Love her...
She needs it and believe me ...you need it just as much ;-0


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

GOSH! I sure hope he wasn't lookin' for sympathy. HAHAHHAA!


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

I agree with what jonhughes said. - And if the work was done correctly and cleanly I think that you got quite a bargain (especially if he bought the screws, tape, mud, etc.).

Best of luck!


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

I agree forpityssake, lack of communication. And now the petty drama....Who cares.? You both should just be happy that the basement is repaired. There's no reason for her bitterness, or your guilt. I'm sure you'll forget the whole thing ever happened...so save yourself the angst. And the bill ~ it's her house, so let her pay for it. You both should find something more important to worry about. But that's just my 2 cents. ;-)
Caroline


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Pay the bill. You told her you'd do it then backed out, pay the entire bill.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

obrion i think it is a little bit funny that you are asking vegetable gardeners for relationship advice ; )

Nine months later you feel guilty, she feels bitter? Pay the bill and make up, life is short.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

its better to pay to have it done right than to half ass it and have to redo it. After 9 days my wife would be on me nagging, let alone 9 months. Since you are not married, and you want to set the right tone from the outset, and its her house; tell her to deal with it. If you knew how to do it you wouldve done it, she should take you out to dinner and appologize for unrealistic expectations! Man up Man!


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Pay the bill, kiss and make up.

Most importantly, keep those downspouts unplugged or you're going to repeat history. Also check gutters, and observe how rainwater drains from downspouts. Does it pool near foundation? Is it appropriately directed away? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Be glad she can identify a good price! Personally I would offer to pay (and gladly do so if I thought I were on the hook for that type of repair, less than 18 bucks an hour is a steal).

If this is a common occurrence, then you may have some undercurrent fuming going on. You may want to offer to paint and prime the new drywall.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Judge Marilyn Milian on The People's Court handles a lot of these girl v. boy cases.

Here is what you do. Have your girlfriend sue you in small claims court and make sure that the producers of The People's Court hear about it. If they take up your case then both of you will get to be on TV, Judge Milian will come down hard on you and the producers will pick up all of your costs. Everyone is happy.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

You took on the obligation and then backed out and left her with an unfinished project for nine months. If you start something you should finish it.

Pay the bill to your friend directly and then tell your girl friend that it has been taken care of.

Zeuspaul


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

I really think the hinge point here is whether you did or did not tell her that you would do the work.

If you told her that you would do the work - then yes, I believe you should pay a portion or all of the bill because you basically hired out the work to someone else. You didn't do the work, but you "took care of it".

However, if you did not tell her you were going to do the work, I don't really believe you are obligated to pay any of the bill. As others said, it is her house and it is fully her property. While it may not be completely her fault, this is part of being a homeowner and taking care of the house.

I probably will get a lot of folks that will grumble at this statement - but just because we are men do not mean that we are immediately required to do these activities for loved ones. Some of us wouldn't have a clue on how to do it anyways. Ladies have been fighting for equal rights for decades but they actually have more rights than men do - don't have to sign up for the draft, usually get alimony if something goes wrong, usually gets custody over the children.

Sorry - shouldn't have made this political - but the point here is to stick with your word. If you told her that you would take care of it, you are fully responsible. If you didn't say you would take care of it, you helped her remove the old drywall already and she is the homeowner. As a homeowner, there are risks and rewards that fall on our backs.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Suggested recreation of original conversation:

Her: "Honey, will you help me fix the basement?"
Him: "Sure."

Her interpretation: Great, he's fixing it.
His interpretation: Great, I'm only helping.

It's $300. Pay the full bill, apologize even if you aren't wrong, bury the hatchet and move on. Neither of you is likely to remember the original discussion with any accuracy and this is not worth letting it fester any longer.

(And yes, I'd tell her the same thing.)


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

alabamanicole hit it right on the head as far as the interpretation!!
That being said, I think bsntech is 1000% right. If she simply assumed you would fix it, well, you are not *obligated* to pay a penny. That being said, since I am a woman, I can tell you that if you don't pay a penny she'll probably remain bitter for a while, regardless of whether or not that's fair. If you really did say you would either fix it or help her fix it, then I kind of think you're on the hook for at least some of the financial obligation--especially since you are the one who made the connection between your out of work buddy and her basement.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

As a gardener I would say ... barter him home-grown vegetables in lieu of payment ... give her home-grown flowers in lieu of apology ... then get her hooked on gardening and let her help you with your garden!


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

If you have been dating 4 yrs then she is worth alot more than 300 bucks. Show her how much you love her by paying the whole bill. I agree with jonhughes too! Is it time to marry her? We dated 6 yrs so I had to ask him (tired of waiting...hint, hint)then we waited another year. 24th anniversary next week. Relationships that work are about giving.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Cant be both. Regardless of who is right, pay the bill.

"...but just because we are men do not mean that we are immediately required to do these activities for loved ones..."

Yes, men are expected to do these things, lifes not fair. Oh, wait did I not give birth last year and almost died from blood loss? Lets see, dry wall or risk of death, drywall or excruciating pain, dry wall or up 4-5 times a night to breast feed just to be told they look a little saggy in a few years. Lifes not fair. Do not play the "men have to take out the trash" card. Women always have the trump.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Don't sweat on it, I have been with hubby 13 years, 11 next month married, he always says he will do X, Y Z, and fails to deliver, as the years go on we understand each other better, he says he will do something, cos he hates spending money and really, I believe wants to do it, over time it dissolves into arguments, with me saying get on with it... long story short, I now say yes okay, you are going to do it, leave it at that, and give it 2 weeks and then phone and pay a professional, no arguments, just a "I was going to do it" and a look of relief from him, if she loves you after 4 years she will get it, and also if she does, get the ring :-) she sounds a keeper :-)


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

Well, I went to her house the night he finished it up and she already had it worked out with him that she would be paying cash. I didnt have cash and there was no argument there. Its over with now and she paid for work that needed done at her home. I did talk to her about why she doesnt mind hiring someone to install leaf guttering systems for almost 5 grand but doesnt want to pay someone a few hundred bucks for labor. Her explanination was they offer payment terms and someone off the street doesnt. That was my main gripe to start with.. Well I'm off the hook and the grass needs mowed from all this rain.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

and the ring? obrionusa? If a guy get to it, ok we don't know your sex? so you could be in a state which isn't open to gay weddings but even so, whisk that girl off, and enjoy many years, of love, honestly marriage is a great institution, and so different to boy and girlfriend or whatever, a couple of times I have felt despondent, and wanting to walk away from my marriage "grass is greener mentality", but then to quote the song, you pick your self up, dust yourself down and start all over again.
I could not have a greater man, than my hubby, he is not mean, not violent, not abusive, and marriage when I get bored...and I bet he does to, holds us and then suddenly, I find I am not bored. and he rocks and is the sexist, loveliest 43 yr old on the planet :-) which of course he is. to me anyway :-)


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

"That was my main gripe to start with.."

OH! I see the old memory is coming back. LOL!!!

Mebbee, marriage shouldn't be in the cards, in the VERY near, near, or distant future.

Hope ya got yer lawn mowed. Or, was it her lawn you were to mow? ;)


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

If its been 4 years, and no serious plans, you two are purposely keeping things separate for a reason, maybe just offer to help with something else to make up for it, maybe something you are more experienced at helping at. Your friend should understand that if you aren't good at or experienced at this, it wasn't fair for her to take the offer in for free labor.

People make a living off using others to get their jobs done, and this is probably not so here, but its good to keep your boundaries and be fair. It's not fair for her to blame you she has to pay for something she would have paid for anyways. It wasn't fair to delay it saying you would get it done, but she should know you don't know much about it. I don't think she should be mad, you don't really owe anything, but what ever you decide to do would be nice.

I don't think you should have to pay for anything though, it's her house.


 o
RE: A Relationship Question to ask my friends on here.

OK my 2 cents is that you should have told her you would have done it in the first place, then when she wasn't home you bring in the real workers that you hired. You pay for it all and you look like a miracle worker. Your girlfriend is happy because her basement is fixed and the best thing of all is she thinks you can do everything.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Vegetable Gardening Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here