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You Might be a Gardener If...

...your fingernails look worse than the diesel mechanics next door!

...you bring up the subject of "Well Rotted Cow Manure" during lunch with friends!

...the only thing you use your pantyhose for is plant ties or melon slings!

...you can't find the time to vacuum, but the garden is perfect and weed free!

...you quickly gobble up the first juicy red tomato yourself, fondly recalling the story of The Little Red Hen!

...you've been known to go dumpster diving for grass clippings! (Wear shades, and borrow the neighbors truck!)

...you work in the garden in your swimsuit, just so you can finally have a tan on more than the back of your neck! (It's still hard to weed and get a tan on your tummy though!)

...you jump up early in the morning, not to check on sleeping babies, but to check on sleeping cantaloupe! (Okay, you check the sleeping babies too!)

Just a few thoughts I've had recently. Happy Gardening!!

Comments (89)

  • habitat_gardener
    17 years ago

    Instead of pulling weeds and volunteer plants and adding them to the compost pile, you pot them up to give to other gardeners: borage is such a great bee plant and has edible flowers, mullein has a spectacular spike, mint is wonderful on hot days and grows well in pots (as long as you repot and divide often), tomato seedlings could be a good variety.

    You let volunteer squash plants take over a corner of the garden, because you're curious about what they might turn out to be.

    You're in the garden after 8 pm and before 8 am, because you can't take the heat of the day, unless of course the garden needs watering, in which case you're there in the sun, watering the plants and yourself.

  • mrsmarv
    17 years ago

    You get up a half-hour early to pick herbs for your friends, and deliver them with batches of freshly made raspberry jam.
    You plan dinners with friends who also have a garden...and have a little 'garden competition' cook-off.
    You exchange veggies, raspberries, and fresh jam for freshly laid eggs with a co-worker...and everyone in the office wishes they had something cool to barter with the 'Gardening Gals'.
    You ask your 'Gardening Gal' co-worker on a regular basis "How the girls are doing"? cluck, cluck, cluck
    You spend time tending the garden in the grueling heat and OMG humidity and don't complain, but you wouldn't consider eating outside al fresco at a restaurant in the grueling heat and OMG humidity!
    You stop by the neighbors (or strangers homes even) to ask for their grass clippings when you see them mowing their lawn.
    You talk to your plants on a regular basis.
    Cows are your friends...chickens, too.

  • mamabear_on
    17 years ago

    LOL.....I should let my husband read this post so that he knows that he did not marry a crazy lady....LOL

    These are all so true

  • zeedman Zone 5 Wisconsin
    17 years ago

    - You let the pigweed & lambsquarters get a few seeds, because they are one of your first "vegetables". After all, a weed is just "a plant out of place"; if you eat it, then it's where it belongs. ;-)

    - People you don't know offer you their grass clippings.

    - You will walk _through_ cow manure to _get_ cow manure.

    - You befriend the farmer so he will _allow_ you walk through his cow manure.

    - When even the farmer thinks you're obsessed.

  • chaman
    17 years ago

    ..... your husband complains about high water bill.

  • sandyinva
    17 years ago

    You no longer throw out old sneakers, so you can wear them in the garden on a muddy day.

    You leave extra plants you may have ordered or grew with a "Free to a good garden" sign in the lounge at work.

  • remy_gw
    17 years ago

    You're standing in your yard screaming,"GET IT! GET IT!!" to a bird, because Japanese Beetles have invaded your grapes and you can see the bird try to capture a beetle in mid air!
    Then your husband looks to you and wants to know who the heck you are yelling at, lol.
    And when you tell him, he gives you that "your an insane person" head shake.
    Remy

  • alblancher
    17 years ago

    You feel your garden is a place of renewal

    Al

  • mrsmarv
    17 years ago

    You and DH have a glass of good merlot or cabernet franc in hand and one will say to the other "Would you like to take a little stroll through the garden?" Now *that's* a turn-on ;o)

  • hugglekid
    17 years ago

    Any my husband thought I was obsessed. So much truth in so small a space.

  • rosebush
    17 years ago

    I LOVE this thread and am definitely a gardener!
    Granite,
    I take the shredded paper from the office too! Any oversized cardboard boxes too. My coworkers kind of shake their heads and murmur. . .
    Lantana,
    Isn't that what a truck is for - mulch and manure? That's the main reason I'm coveting one. . .LOL
    Mrsmary,
    "grueling heat and humidity" - I laughed out loud at that one. It's me to a tee! I would not DREAM of eating at an outdoor cafe in summer, but will be out there sweating away in my garden! And I take the neighbor's grass clippings too!
    You guys are all great! It's nice to know there are people who are just as "crazy" as I am. :)
    Happy gardening, ya'll! Rosemary

  • raisemybeds
    17 years ago

    You might be a gardener if ......

    You can afford a larger house but don't want to move because you might not be able to take your organic soil with you, and by gosh that took time to build.

    Your kids wouldn't DARE throw a banana peel in the trash can.

    Your husband gives you knee pads for Christmas, and you think that's adorable.

    Your husband gives you a vegetable strainer for your birthday and you feel especially loved. Cherished, in fact.

    Your neighbors are a lot friendlier just at tomato ripening time. Oh and did they mention they have a great handed-down zucchini recipe?

    You made tomato soup. Today.

    You feel a little weepy when you've picked the last of the corn, and consider doubling the planting next season.

    You're up to your ears in squash, so you plant more.

    Your husband definitely gets his lycopene, and then some.

    Your cat sleeps beneath the collards, because hey that's some good shade.

    You have been seen knocking on melons, and listening for an answer.

    Half-priced broken bags of garden soil give you a lift like no other.

    Pesto is your idea of fast food.

    If a genie gave you 3 wishes, one of them would definitely be for SVB to be eradicated from the Earth.

    When supermarket shopping, you don't visit the produce aisle - except to feel superior.

    Friends and family just don't understand the heartbreak of cucumber mosaic virus.

    You consider adding Milky Spore to your Christmas Wish List.

    You start to wonder whether a lawn is really necessary.

    A guy that you don't know contacts you when he wants to plant late tomatoes in July, because a friend of his knew a guy who had talked to another guy who knew you, and he was sure you would have extra plants.

    People stop - and just look.

    Your neighbors, who don't grow tomatoes, have made it abundantly clear which types they like best.

    You see beautifully landscaped yards with large expanses of lush green lawn as ....... wasted space.

    You pick a fresh salad on Christmas day!

  • ritaotay
    17 years ago

    ...you develop cabin fever the day after the first hard frost.

    Rita

  • rosebush
    17 years ago

    . . .You drive 25 miles just to get free horse manure.
    . . .You receive gift certificates for garden centers for Christmas and birthdays from your kids.
    . . .You would rather have a gc from a garden center than one from Victoria's Secret.
    . . .You get excited when you see the first bagged fall leaves in your neighbor's yard. Ditto grass clippings.
    . . .You ask for bagged mulch for Mother's Day. And you get it! :)

  • forest_girl
    17 years ago

    "When supermarket shopping, you don't visit the produce aisle - except to feel superior." I look at the produce and think, why would anyone buy such sad looking vegetables?

    You buy another freezer because you've run out of space in the one you already had---(and now I'm almost out of space in the one I just bought!--how many freezers does a gardener need?)

  • moosemac
    17 years ago

    Your husband encloses your vegetable garden with a beautiful white vinyl picket fence lined with rabbit fence for your anniversary and you cry with joy and relief because you thought you were getting jewelry. :-)

    Your son buys you hay bales for a MotherÂs Day gift.

    You no longer need to hang an "Out In The Garden" sign by your front door, everyone knows where to find you.

  • cinsay
    17 years ago

    You actually get out the graph paper and chart the shade patterns that the mature tree will give - before planting the seedling.

    Guano does not seem like a gag gift at all.

    Your only diary consists of gardening notes, planting dates, favorite varieties, etc.

    Cindy

  • terri_portland
    17 years ago

    --you talk your neighbor into letting you take over part of their neglected yard 'cause you don't have enough room for veggies.
    --you find yourself daydreaming on your lunch hour about your peppers and cukes soaking up the sunshine at home
    --you're afraid to go on vacation and trust your neighbor to water the garden enough while you're gone

  • darndogs
    17 years ago

    ...you sneak out of the house at midnight to move the posts for the new garden fence out just a couple more feet, hoping that husband won't notice the garden just grew in size (again)

    ...husband pulls out half of gord garden thinking it's a weed and you threaten divorce - and you mean it

    ...you slow down to a snails pace on major highways to gawk at other gardens

    ...you get to work and find jalapeno peppers in your coat pocket (so that's where I put them last night!)

    ...or worse, you get to work and realize you are wearing your garden clogs with your suit, again.

  • marciaz3 Tropical 3 Northwestern Ontario
    17 years ago

    - if you're in a garden centre and you overhear a customer asking one of the workers a question and you start to answer it. :)

    - if your co-workers bring you all the bagged leaves from their lawns in fall

    - when you're buying seed-starting mix in January and your mother-in-law asks if there's any month of the year that you don't think about gardening. Uh,,,, no?

  • ruth_12
    17 years ago

    You bring home vegetable scraps and table leftovers packed in your luggage in plastic bags on an International flight so you can add them to your compost (my friend actually did this).

  • bouquet_kansas
    17 years ago

    .....your son notices that you have more pics of your garden than you do of your granddaughter....to all of the above comments......great!!!!!! very creative.....

  • ruth_12
    17 years ago

    Forgot to tell you the one about bringing compost home from abroad did not work so do not try it. They have special dogs at large airports trained to sniff for fruit, their handler will ask you to throw any fruit or veg in the trash as laws prevent its importation (to stop spread of diseases). So next time my friend will have to throw potential compost out when in a foreign country (sob).

  • chaman
    17 years ago

    --- you blame the weed is the biggest problem for gardeners.

  • trisha_51
    17 years ago

    ...you ask your neighbor if he is going to pick his ... (in case he asks if you want it). The summer squash were getting really big and he hadn't picked them yet.

  • nygardener
    17 years ago

    ...you come home from the grocery store with the quart of milk you went there to buy, and a bunch of new plants that "just tagged along." Then you let the milk sit in the hot car while you make sure the plants are safely outdoors in the fresh air!

  • lolly_gardener
    17 years ago

    ....your 4 yr old son instructs his adult supervisor on the etiquette of plucking vegetables from the tree.

  • mogardener
    17 years ago

    You plant something in the garden of the house on which you have just within hours signed the final purchase papers. We didn't move in for 10 more days! I looked at it as "marking my territory." DH reminded me of this one after I read of few of these posts to him.

  • manzomecorvus
    17 years ago

    ok, confession time

    ..there's a flashlight and pruners stored outside the backdoor so you can check the veggies late at night...and prune/weed while you are doing it (in your pjs).

    ...everytime you pick up a magazine,you immediately flip to the contents to see if there's any good gardening articles

    ...you have been touring someone else's garden and you have snuck a finger down into one of thier beds to check what their soil is like

    ...you have gotten extra money you weren't expecting and you bought soil ammendements and hay

    ...DH wants to discuss the sermon on the way home and you have to admit you were too busy doodling next year's bedding plan on the back of the bulletin and you tuned out

    ...you have ever paced the floor while a hail storm blows through (and DH is watching you like a hawk cuz he thinks you might dash out to the garden anyway as he turns his back)

    ...you have ruined kitchen utensils b/c you used them as garden tools

    ..you have called in sick to work b/c spring's around the corner and you have beds that are not ready to go

    ...no one at works on Monday ever says "how was your weekend" they say "how's the garden"

    yup, I need psychiatric help!!!

  • Violet_Z6
    16 years ago

    ...if you weed in the rain.

    ...if you have a head lamp to work thru the night when temps are cooler and plants are less stressed if they're moved because there's no sun and likely no wind.

  • booberry85
    16 years ago

    You might be a gardener if your husband complains that he never sees you in the summer because you're always in the garden. Your solution to that problem is for him to take up golfing again.

  • lilacs_of_may
    16 years ago

    You hurry home after a hailstorm to check on your garden.
    You look at someone's dinner remains and think, "Oh, boy! Compost!"
    You're seen creeping around in your backyard after dark with a flashlight, and you're not a burgler.
    You buy your first house, and immediately go buy a rake before you even move in.
    Your vacuum died months ago, but you haven't replaced it because you need to buy garden stuff.
    You'll let people into your garden but not your house.

    And yes, I, too, have little tan circles on the tops of my feet from my holey shoes.

  • ruthieg__tx
    16 years ago

    You lose your glasses and find them in a manure pile...you just know that one is a true story don't you...

  • marial1214
    16 years ago

    You might be a gardener if you go to France every month for business and the first thing you do when you get off the plane is go straight to the gardening stores. You cant bring those plants or bulbs back (becuase of customs regulations) but last trip I brought back Mache seeds and winter lettuce. No probs getting through customs. I'm aching to bring back some exotic bulbs....

  • farmer_at_heart
    16 years ago

    If...

    After planting three times too many tomatoes, you reluctantly offer the remaining plants for "adoption", charge a deposit on your pots, and drop by unannounced to make sure they have been watered.

    When you find a stray seed on the dining room table, you frantically try to identify what packet it escaped from in case it is that variety they don't sell anymore.

    You have to get undressed on the side porch because your pockets are full of dirt.

    You have to scrub up in the sink before you get in the shower so you don't muddy the soap.

    You move full watering cans around the driveway to catch the sun so you don't chill your transplants.

  • containergirl
    16 years ago

    ...your husband suggests moving to California for business, and the first thing out of your mouth is, "Sweet - a longer growing season!"

  • 1fullhouse
    16 years ago

    When you read every post on this thread trying to learn new things!

  • reba_grows
    16 years ago

    I lived as a boarder in many houses over the years. At one, (not by any means my first 'temporary' garden), I grew 38 large pots of veggies, on pallets, on cinderblocks (so their lawn could still get sun and water).

    When I moved, (landlords had a baby), I patched the soil with grass seed and moved the pots full of soil to a new landlord's house. The pallets and cinder blocks went to my weekend mountain cabin in the woods, (where 25+ years later I live full time now).

    In my new place, I only rented a tiny room but the house had full sun in the front for my garden. My pots full of soil and some new plants lined, (and muddied up), my landlords driveway for another successful gardening season.

    When I moved again, (landlord's daughter unexpectedly moved home from college), I rented a very tiny 2 room house but with a large back yard. The soil from the pots went into the diggings and turnings in a 'real'- in the ground- garden. The pots went up to my mountain cabin. In the new garden, I composted and double dug and weeded and ammended and had a great growing season.

    When I moved again, (landlord sold the house to the county to build an emmisions testing center), I loaded up every square inch, a foot or more deep, of that 25 by 45 foot garden, into a wheelbarrow, hauled it out to the street, loaded it into my VW van up to the windows and for weeks, in countless 4 hour trips, (8 hour round trip), by trip, by trip, drove it to my cabin in the woods. It went back in the pots that went back on the pallets, (cinder blocks went under the front deck), and I reaped the joy of many more seasons of produce. For many years when I had no electricity nor well, I hauled water from a stream 5 miles down the mountain to water my plants. I killed my van with the loads of dirt (or was it the railroad ties I got for free back in the city?) and it sat on my land holding (what else?) garden supplies until a friend's kid bought it for parts and towed it out.

    I eventually went from pots to raised beds here in my woods and when my landlord (FINALLY my DH & ME!) had to destroy the garden to have a well dug, I brought out the pots and the pallets and, at age 60, have started yet all over again. I'm late with the summer season, but my seed grown transplants are going into the pots soon anyway.

    And there is always the fall garden.

    And I wanted to do some of the winter gardening like I've been reading about in this forum.

    And I'm thinking of building a large pvc hoop house/grow tunnel/ greenhouse.

    And my Johnnys Seed catalog is already dog-eared from the many plans for next year.

    I think I might be a gardener........

  • cambse
    16 years ago

    Bump

  • jennijenjen
    16 years ago

    -just HAD to bump up the most hilarious thread ever!

    and to add...

    ...you keep a 'garden diary' taking note of when seedlings were 'born', hoping to pass it down to future generations.

    ...each time you make homemade pizza and sauce, you switch a store-bought topping or herb with something home-grown!

    ...you name a bee 'zippy' that you swear is the same one who visits your basil so much every day.

    ...you tell your hubbie that if he helps you support your melons, you'll grow some cucumber for him.

    I know it's been covered already but...

    ...your DH thinks you're nuts when you look out the window for the third time in a day and yell "Look - it grew!"

    Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one obsessed here!
    -Jen

  • husbear
    16 years ago

    When you mother, duaghter, AND wife have no panty hose but the verticle grown melons do!

    (guilty)

  • farmer_at_heart
    16 years ago

    Your husband makes you a gift of his stockpile of oak pegs to use as row markers after you refuse the thick, dead, ugly, knarly pine branches he gathered under the premise of "If you asked me to hand you a certain fancy socket wrench, and I handed you left handed monkey wrench, you wouldn't be nice about it either."

  • javamilk
    16 years ago

    Your husband and son can tell if your answer to their request will be yes or no, simply by noticing which veggie you are hunched over. (picking beans and peas = yes, picking worms off broccoli & brussels sprouts = no)

  • olof
    16 years ago

    Wow This has been around since last season.
    Ok new one! When you are happy that your husband finally found a hobby so you can grow your veggies in peace. Now my husband is into brewing his own beer. Thank god!

  • utdeedee
    16 years ago

    People who never talk to you but start when they know it's picking time.....
    Your out at 6 am watering the garden before work.....
    Your out there from daylight til dark hoeing preening and eyeballing the plants on Saturday and Sunday.....
    You quit painting your fingernails....:)

  • andrewtheplanter
    16 years ago

    ..you are imagining what you will do the next day.....

    Andrew

  • bgrow_gardens
    16 years ago

    - When you think the best Birthday present you ever got is a brand new chipper/shredder! Am I in mulch heaven now or what?!
    - Everyone regards you as a "plant nut" yet you feel perfectly normal...
    - You don't really stop at garage sales cause you have to much of your own junk anyways, however, if there are plants of any kind you immediately pull over and look over their selection.
    - The highlight of your spring is the local plant sale at the junior college horticulture department. Not to buy, but to compare your winter sown seedlings with theirs, and notice you have much more variety than you could ever imagine.
    - you can strike up most conversations with complete strangers in boring situations by simply asking do you garden? Then you promptly proceed to share tips & tricks with them...
    - There is nothing sweeter or juicier to you than that first red ripe tomato of the season from your own garden.
    Yup I'm a plant nut....but definitely a happy camper...

  • Violet_Z6
    16 years ago

    ...There is nothing sweeter or juicier to you than that first red ripe tomato of the season from your own garden.

    Actually... it's the third tomato on each plant that is best.

    Really!

  • patty4150
    16 years ago

    has anyone mentioned yet:

    You know you're a gardener when you finally get over being self conscious ... and start applying Starbucks coffee grounds to your front yard, knowing full well that all the neighbors can see you doing this.

  • raisemybeds
    16 years ago

    You might be a gardener if .... you reach into your pocket to get change to pay a cashier, and you pull out a packet of carrot seeds!

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