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'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
Mon, Jan 16, 06 at 20:08

It's procrastination time chez Shelly - my papers were ~only~ supposed to be handed in on Friday, and I've ~only~ got a huge Greek assignment due at 4:00 tomorrow, and I've ~only~ got a meeting with my advisor next week about this monumentally huge project I want to undertake.

So instead of preparing all that, I'm reading this funny little book I got as a birthday gift years ago, called "Zapped by the Zodiac: The Cynic's Astrology Guide."

Here's what it says about Pisces:

"Yes, you are sweet, kind, adorable, loving, generous, and all that, but you know what? You're also a pain! Indecisive, dreamy, ultra, ULTRAsensitive, far too delicate for the rough-and-tumble world. Your response to anything unpleasant is to weep. Boo hoo! Put a sock in it, will you? Go swim in a pond."

"Pisces at a glance:
MOTTO: Weep and the world weeps with you
RULING PLANET: Neptune
ELEMENT: Water
QUALITY: Fishy
FIRST DESIRE: Weep
LAST DESIRE: Sob
SECRET DESIRE: Keep weeping and sobbing
ANIMALS: Weeping fishes
KEY WORDS: Oh, no!"

And since I always end up dating Taureans, I checked out the Piscean compatibility with these love slaves:

"Strong minded Taurus will take a long, hard look at your chronic indecision. And then squash you."

Huh. Story of my life.

So.... what are *your* signs? ... or do you dare tell me... mouah ah ah...


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Dispite the fact that I don't want to distract you from your work...I'll bite, what does it say about us Scorpio's.

Foxy.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Mon, Jan 16, 06 at 20:20

A-HA! A taker... Foxy, you're brave. But are you strong enough to handle... Zapped By The Zodiac? (mouah ah ah)

Okay. Here's what it says about Scorpio:

"You are a roller-coastering, manic-depressive nutcase!

Your rages are torrential! Your joys titanic! Your miseries cataclysmic! And you constantly scream at the top of your voice!

As subtle as a scorpion's sting! Willing to strike at the slightest provocation! A time bomb waiting to explode! With hardly a rational idea in your head."

(ouch!)

"Scorpio at a glance:
MOTTO: I want it *now*!!!!!
RULING PLANET: Out there
ELEMENT: Chaos
QUALITY: Raging
FIRST DESIRE: Kill it!
LAST DESIRE: Destroy it!
SECRET DESIRE: Total world domination
ANIMALS: Venemous and disgusting
KEY WORDS: Crazy, nutso, whacked out"

************

Ouwwie! That even hurts me, and I'm not a Scorpio. Maybe I need a good cry.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

GIVE ME THAT BOOK SO I CAN KILL IT! LOL How can I take over the world if a book like that is out there giving away all my secrets?

The crazy Foxy. hehehe


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Shelly, I'll contribute to your procrastination! What does it say about Virgo?
:)))

GH


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

How about Aries? I know I am stubborn but what else does it say?


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Virgo, you say?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Mon, Jan 16, 06 at 20:59

Hee hee.

Virgo:

"You dot every i. You cross every t. You put every paper clip in its allotted place, which is, of course, meticulously clean. You are a crashing bore!

And you know what else? You lecture. You're superior. You're always right. And you always let ~everyone~ know about it. So why does anyone like you?

They don't!"

Oh dear. That, at least, deserves a few tears.

"Virgo at a glance:
MOTTO: I just cleaned that!
RULING PLANET: Whichever one is in perfect position at that time
ELEMENT: Priggishness
QUALITY: Priggish
FIRST DESIRE: To be a prig
LAST DESIRE: To be a perfect prig
SECRET DESIRE: To be loved for the prig that you really are!
ANIMALS: Those without feathers, hair, or anything that's dirty
KEY WORDS: Clean your room! Now!

***********

Oh, sweetie, that's horrible! I'll love you for the prig that you are!


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

OMG! LOL, Poor me. Hehehe

What the H^%^6 is a 'Prig'? LOL

GH


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Oh, jujubee - are you sure you want to know?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Mon, Jan 16, 06 at 21:07

ARIES:

"Aries is the first sign of the zodiac and a leader in all things. Blazing trails and smashing heads is what you do best.

Rams are warlike, impulsive bullies, quick to take offense and even quicker to break someone's jaw. You know the guy who blew up the house to kill a mouse? That's you.

PS The mouse is still around."

"Aries at a glance:
MOTTO: I crush, therefore I am
RULING PLANET: Mars, the god of war
ELEMENT: Combustion
QUALITY: Explosive
FIRST DESIRE: Crush them
LAST DESIRE: Slush them
SECRET DESIRE: Mush them
ANIMALS: Ram, rhinoceros, anything horned that likes to attack
KEY WORDS: Headstrong, impulsive, mean."

And as an added bonus, here's how well you and Foxy would get along as a couple:
"ARIES AND SCORPIO - Scorpio is all smothering affection one day and bristling sting the next. You're sort of the same way, only without the affection."


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prig

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Mon, Jan 16, 06 at 21:10

PRIG: "n. self-righteous person who acts as if superior to others"; synonyms: "pedant, prude, puritan."

Just let me know if you need to cry.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

What does it say about Capricorns?

Dawn


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Shoulder to Cry On

Are you sure you want to loan your shoulder for that long? LOL

Wow, the stars must be mixed up or something. I've always wondered if I should have been born in a different month because I don't possess any of the traits Virgos are said to have!

:)
GH


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Mon, Jan 16, 06 at 22:13

Sure, you don't, Virgo. Sure you don't...

Okay! Capricorn! Another ex-boyfriend favourite!
ha ha! The Capricorn nickname is "Sour Goat"!

Alright. Down to business. Capricorn:

"Tough, stubborn, dour, and dutiful, the Goat is about as much fun as a shark attack.

Ever hear of kickin' back, kickin' out, kickin' up your heels? Nah - you're too busy doing the right thing. Here's a hint: Nobody cares about the right thing! People want to have fun! Boogie! Chill!

Your idea of a good time is contemplating your next disaster."

"Capricorn at a glance:
MOTTO: What else do you want me to do?
RULING PLANET: Down to earth
ELEMENT: Dishwater (as in dull as...)
QUALITY: Exciting as dirt
FIRST DESIRE: I don't really have any
LAST DESIRE: Figure out the first
SECRET DESIRE: Not to be asked so many questions
ANIMALS: Earthworms
KEY WORDS: Dull and determined."


Boy. You all have got it bad. At least I'm only weepy.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Ah, but I'm crazy, nutso, and whacked out so I must be to mental to be upset.lol

Psst Jujubee, wanna help me take over the world:)

Foxy.


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Watch out, Foxy

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Tue, Jan 17, 06 at 0:22

Scorpio and Aries: "The Ram would just as soon squash you as look at you."

Aries and Scorpio: "Scorpio is all smothering affection one day and bristling sting the next. You're sort of the same way, only without the affection."

Foxy, are you *sure* you want to get involved in a nefarious plot for world domination with jujubee?

Alrightythen - back to work.
Shelly


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Remember I'm a crazy nut.lol During one of my fits of rage I'll sic her on the world to crush them.lol

The funny thing is I dated an Aries for several years...he never crushed me, but in the end I stung him bad:) Then there was the poor Virgo I dated for 4+ years.Tisk tisk tisk. God, I'm hard on men, maybe that book does sum me up pretty good.lol DH is a Gemini, what does it say about them? They have to be pretty tough since he has survived 10+ years under my reign of terror.lol

Foxy.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Man, I'm in rough shape. I do like my MOTTO. I'm gonna have that put on my head stone followed by my rose tattoo on my middle finger.

Dawn


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Oh!Oh!Oh! I've gotta hear mime! I've gotta hear mine!
I'm an Aquarius.
DH is a Capricorn, the ol' goat. About the time we got married we saw some t-shirts that had rather, um, harsh assesments of the various zodiac signs. I still tease him about the "plodding, methodical" assesment of his sign.
I'm pretty sure he and I aren't supposed to get along, but it's working out pretty well in spite of our stars :)

These suckers had me laughing so hard I had tears streaming down my face!


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there's just somethin' about astrology...

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Tue, Jan 17, 06 at 10:54

Scorpio + Gemini = "Constant action and excitement! And when you get really ticked off, you'll have two of them to sting!"

Jen, Jen, Jen... do you REALLY want to know all this? Brace up, dear. Things are about to get hairy:

AQUARIUS
"Far out, man. Mellow. Remember the word 'groovy'? You're it. You are the embodiment of everything beaded, sandaled, and psychedelic.

You care, man. You feel a lot of love. You want to make the planet a better place - as soon as you figure out which planet you're from. Here's a piece of advice: Get a life!"

"Aquarius at a glance:
MOTTO: Like, groovy!
RULING PLANET: All of them
ELEMENT: Airhead
QUALITY: Way laid-back
FIRST DESIRE: Mellow out
LAST DESIRE: Chill
SECRET DESIRE: Save some forests and stuff
ANIMALS: Anything peaceful and groovy
KEY WORDS: Like, wow man!"

Aquarius + Capricorn = "Goat climbed up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Water Bearer said, 'Not now,' which led the Goat to slaughter."


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Hey, I'm cool with that. They didn't mean it to be, like, insulting, did they? Naaaahhh...(heeheehee)
I guess nobody'd going to ask me to help them take over the world.

Awww, my poor goat! (He doesn't really have it so bad.)

Thanks, Shelly!


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

What's it say about us schizoid/multiple personality people, errr, uhhh, I mean twins/Geminis?! :-P ;-) LOL


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Gemini, huh?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Tue, Jan 17, 06 at 13:01

Let's see. Gemini

"Description of a Gemini: duplicitous, two-faced, talking out both sides of the mouth, speaking with forked tongue, split personality, wolf in sheep's clothing, nutso. Sound good thus far?

Then try: fast, nervous, skittish, high metabolism, obsessive talker, irresponsible, unreliable, restless.

Hint: This is not the portrait of a stable person."

"Gemini at a glance:
MOTTO: Get me outta here fast!
RULING PLANET: Mercury
ELEMENT: Air
QUALITY: Nervous
FIRST DESIRE: Talk
LAST DESIRE: Leave
SECRET DESIRE: Find a place to settle down and then blow it up
ANIMALS: Hummingbirds, water spiders, anything that scoots
KEY WORDS: Profoundly superficial"

Hey! That's not so bad.

Check this out: Pisces + Gemini = "The two of you are like intersecting streets that never meet." Huh.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Man, some of those are tough... But hey, I'm game! What does it say about Cancers?

Kim


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

WOW! Uh, gee. Let's see.

I don't speak parsal (sp) tongue as what it's called in Harry Potter. I don't understand what "speaking with a forked tongue" means.

Also, what does "talking out both sides of the mouth" mean?

Yep, unstable at times & been called "nutso" a couple times (that's PMS for 'ya, you decode the letters how you want *wink*). Deal me a bad card too many times & I'll fold on you. LOL

Two-faced & wolf in sheep's clothing? I don't think so. I was once told people don't like telling me secrets/gossip because I don't pass such on. Huh?!

Fast metabolism? I wish! Does anyone want to lend me theirs? :-(

Fast, nervous, skittish, obsessive talker & restless? At times. Especially in unfamiliar territory & with people I don't know.

Irresponsible & unreliable? Nope. Excellent credit, work, etc., history!

First desire to talk & last desire to leave. That's backwards. HEE HEE HEE

I say "hells no" to water & other spiders! What else scoots? Lizards? Yeah, they're kinda cute.

Profoundly superficial? Nope. I have no good hair days & don't give a hairy rat's butt one way or the other & I shop at Wal-Mart, Target, K-Mart & Shop-Ko for cheap clothing, etc. LOL

Motto "get me outta here fast!" definitely applies to crowds during Christmas shopping or parties where I don't know anyone.

Find a place to settle down then blow it up? Huh?! I guess that could be applied to getting tired of staying in one place too long (i.e., previous military assignments). LOL


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Yep, unstable at times & been called "nutso" a couple times (that's PMS for 'ya, you decode the letters how you want *wink*). Deal me a bad card too many times or a real bad hand all at once & I'll fold on you. LOL

I forgot to add what's in bold & italics!


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Tue, Jan 17, 06 at 18:10

Libby! Get ahold of yourself! You're ranting like a crazy woman! LOL

Cancer:

"You think it's a joke that people call you the crab? Hey, it's a compliment! You should hear the other things they say! Such as:

'I'm so sick of that oversensitivity!'
'Look sideways and the Crab starts to cry!'
'Why be so prickly all the time if you're such a baby underneath?'

But cheer up! Otherwise you'll start to weep."

"Cancer at a glance:
MOTTO: I weep, therefore I am
RULING PLANET: The weepy Moon
ELEMENT: Water (as in tears)
QUALITY: Crabby
FIRST DESIRE: Be sensitive
LAST DESIRE: Pretend to be even more sensitive
SECRET DESIRE: To die a martyr
ANIMALS: Those with protective shells
KEY WORDS: Waah! Boo hoo!"

(hee hee - you're a Pisces on a bad day!)


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

LOL

:-P


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Hey Foxy I'm with ya all the way!!! Mwaaahhhh , Mwaaaahhhhh!!! Let the crushing begin!!! ;)


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

You got it, Jujubee!lol Just remember, don't try to crush me and I won't sting you.lol

Jen, you can watch our plants while we take over the world:)

Foxy.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Hi all,

Well, I'm a scorpio, but I don't think I fit the discription. Is there something about what sign is rising and what is in the first house and where the other planets are positioned? does your book tell that?


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Oh come on larry, join us in taking over the world! lol

In fact I may have a nasty temper, but it takes a whole lot to set it off. I honestly have no desire for total world domination. That is just too much responsibility for me. I never scream at the top of my voice. If I did it wouldn't be that loud anyway so no one would know I was screaming.lol I think I'm fairly rational as a rule. So I think Zapped by the Zodiac didn't sum me up all that well.

Foxy.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Wed, Jan 18, 06 at 9:08

... and I almost never cry. Well, except at Julia Roberts' movies. Steel Magnolias nearly destroyed me. I was a puddle.


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Real astrology? Not in this book...

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Wed, Jan 18, 06 at 9:52

Hey Larry - no the book isn't that sophisticated :)

Besides, to know your rising sign and other planetary signs/houses, you need to have a chart done, and I am NOT doing a bunch of charts LOL. My math isn't *that* good.

S.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Well, I guess the only choice is to rull the world with my fellow scorpios, and jujubee of couse. :o)


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Yeah, you wouldn't want to leave her out! She might get MAD!
So, I can watch the plants...that's cool, Foxy. I'll just pretend they're a little rain forest I'm protecting...and I promise not to smoke any of them.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

No smoking!?


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

I'm an aquarius and most descriptions I have read of aquarius' seem to describe me fairly well. Though I must admit that world domination does have an appealing ring to it.....


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

This is funny as heck! I'd love to hear about Taurus... ;)


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Quote:
"Gemini at a glance:
MOTTO: Get me outta here fast!
RULING PLANET: Mercury
ELEMENT: Air
QUALITY: Nervous
FIRST DESIRE: Talk
LAST DESIRE: Leave
SECRET DESIRE: Find a place to settle down and then blow it up
ANIMALS: Hummingbirds, water spiders, anything that scoots
KEY WORDS: Profoundly superficial"

Hey! That's not so bad.

Check this out: Pisces + Gemini = "The two of you are like intersecting streets that never meet." Huh.


Shelley, I'm a gemini and my ex is a pisces. It all makes perfect sense now.


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Thanks for not forgetting me guys or else I have to stomp you ;p


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

Well come on now Fishies,

I'm feeling left out -- how about all of us Leonine creatures out there please, huh?


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

  • Posted by cena S CA 10A (My Page) on
    Fri, Jan 20, 06 at 4:55

Yeah, no foolin'! No other Sagitariouseses (I already KNOW I can't spell!)

Oh, and my folks had a side line, I'm Saggie with Aries rising. (Okay, maybe Saggie is a bad spelling for that...)

Quit procrastinating Woman. Get thee to thy work!

I'm suddenly afraid to hear what you might read out of that devilish book!

Oh, and DH is saggy too.


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alright... you asked for it...

  • Posted by fishies Ottawa z4a or 5 (My Page) on
    Fri, Jan 20, 06 at 9:51

TAURUS

"Bulls are slow, patient, and famed for their stubborness, but that is only the surface you. The real Taurus is incredibly lazy and loves to wallow in sensual indulgence.

The lawn needs to be cut? Hey, I'm watching TV! That legal brief needs to be filed? Not now, I just took off my shoes. Tomorrow is another day - and with any luck, you'll sleep through it."

"Taurus at a glance:
MOTTO: I'll do it tomorrow
RULING PLANET: Venus, the goddess of love
ELEMENT: Sleep
QUALITY: Self-indulgent and lazy
FIRST DESIRE: Have fun
LAST DESIRE: Sleep
SECRET DESIRE: Have so much fun I fall asleep
ANIMAL: Bull
KEY WORDS: The living-room sofa"

LEO
"You know why you need a mane? Because it makes your head look smaller than the balloon it really is!

And we're not talking about party balloons here - it's a hot-air balloon.

Lawyers are liars, politicians are thieves, and Leos are conceited. These are the three laws of the jungle of which you believe you are king! Underneath you're just an overstuffed cat."

"Leo at a glance:
MOTTO: Aren't I fantastic!!!!
RULING PLANET: The Sun
ELEMENT: Hot air
QUALITY: Unbelievably conceited
FIRST DESIRE: To be loved
LAST DESIRE: To be admired
SECRET DESIRE: To be worshipped!
ANIMALS: All things bright and beautiful
KEY WORDS: Me, me, me"

SAGITTARIUS:
"They call you irresponsible. They call you unreliable. Throw in idiotic to boot!

The tiniest monkey wrench is thrown into the works, and what's your response? Get me out the door! You run away even when there's nothing to run from. An ocean wave has more direction than you do - and more backbone!

But there's always tomorrow... when you can catch another plane!"

"Sagittarius at a glance:
MOTTO: Get me outta here!
RULING PLANET: Any one you're not on now
ELEMENT: The air you fly through
QUALITY: Skittish
FIRST DESIRE: Leave
LAST DESIRE: Leave for good
SECRET DESIRE: Become the Fugitive!
ANIMALS: Planes, trains, and Ferraris
KEY WORDS: Where, when, how do I get there?"

special bonus for Saggie Cena:
Sagittarius + Sagittarius = "Hi!" "Hi!" "Bye!" "Bye!"


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RE: 'Zapped by the Zodiac': what's your sign?

What does it say for the one for end of Sept? I think it's Libra, but I'm not sure.


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