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big_deck

Old Man Grows up or True Confessions!

big_deck
15 years ago

I think I have it on the correct side this time!

Repeat from the Forum:

I need to say this out loud - sorry to use you as group therapy, but not really.

First I am approaching 58 years of age, so it surprises me when something I should have dealt with years ago, I am only doing now.

Not the total issue, but the kind of resolution I needed.

I have wanted to be a Big Brother for a long time. I never had children of my own and am lucky enough to have married into a wonderful family (which was totally alien to me) and have 1.5 wonderful step-daughters and one has given me a Wonderful step-grand daughter - though they keep telling me to drop the step - I am her Pap Brian.

My health has been an issue and the last fight for life involved some temporary (we hope and all signs point toward temporary) brain/memory damage, so I was worried that I would bond with some little guy that needed someone and I would be forced to abandon him.

My wonderful wife did not want me to do it. My best friends did not want me to do it. Few people did.

Not because they felt that I was incapable, but because of my health. My health is now good, but a year ago this week I was released from Intensive Care for the 8th time in 5 months with a diagnosis and the appropriate drugs. I went from roughly 175 to 119 pounds.

Holly (Mrs. No) was advised that I would not make it and that she should take Family Leave and start making preparations as it was not believed that I was going home.

I think these friends watched me go through what was going on and just don't accept that I am now healthy as a horse, up to 140 pounds and most of the weight gain has been muscle from building a damn big_deck (hence the handle) in front of a little turtle garden!

So, I asked the other two most important people in my life - my physician that refers to me as her "miracle patient" and my neuro-psychologist who is teaching me how to reuse my memory and brain, both today gave me their blessings relative to applying with Big Brothers.

This caused Holly to change her mind (that is why I call her Mrs. No - she almost always ends up being Mrs. Yes) and she gave me her blessings as well.

Now I can proceed with doing something for someone else with absolutely no expectation of return, other than satisfaction. There is a great movie that this does not even approach but brings to mind - "Pay It Forward". I need to Pay It Forward!

Now I also need to really understand what this new responsibility is and then proceed accordingly. So if any of you were BB or BS, I can use some feedback.

Thanks, I feel better now!

Brian

Comments (6)

  • Calamity_J
    15 years ago

    Oh Such good news!!! I have had a VERY traumatic childood and it's amazing that I haven't killed myself or been killed by now(In Narcotics Anonymous for the last 19yrs!, which stopped the self destruction) suffer a whole gamit of depression issues of which medication has totally helped!!! Like insulin for a diabetic! I used all my energy to try and raise my children(2)(single parent)in a healthy non dysfunctional way...which helped me heal my wounds...and now, at 45, am free to explore what I like about me...aka: hobbies. So no advice about being a big brother, but to say, follow your heart, to thy own self be true...your inner child will guide you intuitively. May God Bless your endeavor!!! And it truly made my day to hear of your wonderful health news!!! Jane

  • nmgirl
    15 years ago

    Now you're on the right side!!!!!
    Yeah Brian! (Crowd does big wave while scoreboard flashes GO! GO! GO! GO!)
    : )

  • aka_strawberrygoat
    15 years ago

    and you really should follow through with your plan....
    the one and only precaution I can even think of, as far as being a Big Brother, is that to choose places that would be within any medical help, should either of you need it.

    save the fishing at a lake, in a remote area, for if you have a family close by, or medical things somewhere close.
    not to ever suggest it, but hey, even in the best of circumstances, it's always good to have what's necessary and someone who knows how to handle it.

    being alergic to bees, too....if the kid should be...you know, you'd have the bee kit...and on and on....
    and now, to the point....
    there is no age limit, as long as the agency approves..
    a kid, is a kid, is a kid, who wants attention, affection, to learn from someone, who will take the time to share of themselves and to be appreciated. in turn, they learn how to share of themselves, and to appreciate others.
    the circle can only be made stronger.

    I have a son, who needed a big brother, as he was growing up..he and I couldn't be in the same room...
    we had a neighbor, who rather became a big brother, minus the agency...they fished together, here in the neighborhood..they built things...
    my boy could go to him, when he would have liked to run away from home, from me.
    he never needed to run...he had options.

    be that Big Brother to some boy..
    for the rest of their life, they will remember simple things, which will then manifest into bigger memories, for when they either become a father or uncle or later maybe, a Big Bother for someone else.

    and going on 58 is no closed gate...
    I'm headed for 61 and still kicking around the thought of fostering a baby, who's at the hospital, right now, from being born to a meth mom..
    I have no idea of who the mom or baby is, but I'm still giving it some thought....the little girl is less than a week old and has virtually nothing going for her...mom's in jail......

    Do It....and don't look back........except to wave, at everyone, to show how much fun you're having!!!

    Becky .(*_*).

  • Purplemoon
    15 years ago

    Wonderful post, Brian. You are indeed a miracle, for ALL you've overcome in your life!

    I think you will make a wonderful Big Brother, just from hearing you talk about little "Oscar". You have a big heart. Some little guy will be very lucky to have you.

    Please listen to your family, and DROP the word "Step". They are truly yours, because you love them.

    Hugs, Karen

  • Marlene Kindred
    15 years ago

    Hey you~

    You already know how I feel about it, so maybe all these other encouragements will help you too!

    ((BIG HUG))

    ~M

  • big_deck
    Original Author
    15 years ago

    First - the "step' is now gone. We talked about it over dinner last night (they come over for Sunday dinner every week) and the consensus was that I was nuts (not that we didn't already know that). The kids don't know the diffence, so why should I!

    Submitted the application this morning.

    Mrs. No/Holly/Mimi is actually excited about it now. Womens - go figure! Can't live with em and can't live without em.

    I am really looking forward to it. Have been talking to quite a few people about the experience and have learned that while I might be thinking short-term, my little brother is going to be more like a life-long friend, if things go right.

    And it they really go right, he can just join the 'family' with Oscar and Jake-Dude!

    Jake-Dude, Charlie (dad) and I went bowling yesterday afternoon. First time I have taken my bowling ball out the bag since the mid-1970's. Talk about garden junk. We had a good time and I now have something else I had not thought about to do with my LB.

    Thank you all (yall depending on where you are) for the feedback and support!

    Brian

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