Sorry to hear of your troubles.My Dh has seven sisters and a brother and when their father died things got tense,now my mil has dementia and only half talk.problems over parents little that they have.My Dh walked away.not worth getting upset.It happens in alot of families,its so sad.LOL
Joan

Seem like these things bring out the worst in families...There are 5 out of 7 left in DH's family. And katie bar the door when MIL passes...Several of them already have their names on things...We want no part of it...They can have it all...His dad helped him out yrs ago before we met and any money he would get will go back into estate...I'm sorry for your DH and you cause I know you feel helpless...The truth will come out and people will see who the real stinker is...

That is sad, and heartbreaking for your DH. I've seen friends' families torn apart due to money and inheritance issues. Including when my own grandmother passed and my "unpleasant" aunt thought she deserved it all. It was just she and my Mom, but she wanted everything and my Mom was too meek and too hurt to stand up to her.

I hope all these greedy people learn someday that family is worth far more than things! But I doubt they will.

hugs, Karen

Kathy~

I am so, so sorry for all of the trouble that you and your DH are going through. Amazing, isn't it, how families become enemies at a time when they should be drawn closer. Is there anyway that the rest of the family could buy out the youngest brother's interest? I'm assuming that the land would be sold and divided amongst the siblings, so if that is the case, maybe that would be a better option for the rest of you. Again...I'm so sorry...it is heartbreaking when something like this happens.

Sometimes I am glad that our family never had anything so we don't have these conflicts! lol! It is so sad when a family member thinks more of themselves than the wishes of the person who died. And to make matters worse, to alienate themselves from their family in the process. I hope all works out in the end and, either your DH's brother wises up, or that the disruption fizzles out. I really feel for you and your DH! I know how hurt I would be.

Hugs,
Kathy

I witnessed the "Greed Monster" show his ugly head in one of my relatives recently. This is a person that is usually quite pleasant. It was a totally transformed personality. It is one of the major sins that has been addressed since the beginning of the Christian Church and we see it everyday. I may have a problem with glutany (a cake in the fridge drives me crazy. I cant even sleep without sneaking a piece.) and someone else may have a problem with Lust (Life guard lookin' good this summer?). ect. It is the same with Greed. That is your BIL's weakness. Fixin' him may not happen. Just do what is fair and legal and give him some time to grow up and become wiser in his own time. Many people take subaticles from their families. But as life's troubles bombard us we all eventually look to our roots and the comfort of family. So tell your DH that his brother may distance himself for years. We hope not, but just accept that it could happen.

Wish your family the best.

Love of money is root cause of a lot of evil!! It is surprising too how after someone passes everyone in the family says so&so was always the favored 1. Greed ,jealousy all kinds of things pop up when there is a death!! Hope it works it's self out since you live next door. Miserable living like that!! Jan

We don't live next door thank goodness. The property that mil wanted preserved for the family is next door to bil. That's one reason why buying him out is kind of undesirable as well as that its a valuable property and buying him out would cost each sib a lot of money. Young adult children who inherited share of their father (oldest sib who died many years ago) are in no place in their lives to put in $.
Its a big mess (and I haven't told you the half of it) and you are right may never be resolved or take years. The irony is that everyone will get a large sum (1/5 of total) if it sells, more than everyone but this bil's initial inheritance (which was the land next door.) And it will probably make him even angrier that everyone else will also get equal $.
So it may never end.

Thanks for your support. It is sad how common similar problems are. I might call my bro and check in with him about not fighting over 81 yo mom's someday! (She does own a home and have some money in the bank) When we have talked before he has said that he thinks she should use her money for herself and not worry about leaving us anything. So I take that as a promising sign.

kathy

Oh, Kathy, BTDT! been there done that. Ugh! In 1989 my DH's Dad sold his 10 acre land and homeplace (MIL died in '83), and he moved into an assisted living place. Became "involved" with a certain 50 something year old nurses aide who gave him special back rubs.

They eloped and got married without telling his 4 kids first. Didn't sit well. Two weeks after they had gotten married, she wrecked his car taking him to the doctor, didn't hurt her, but he had a serious head injury. He lived on life support for about 3 months after that. She ended up with a free (practically) brick home that he had hastily bought when they married 2 weeks prior to the accident.

Luckily, his checking account was still in his and my SIL's name. That saved the money that was left after buying that brick house, because the 4 siblings took her to court, took a year, and a chunk of the money, but she got the free house but no money. She had to mortgage her house to pay her legal bills because we were dead set on not letting her have a dollar.

Then, my SIL pissed everyone off in the family before it was over, over the way she got more than everyone else and didn't want to explain it. Took about 15 years before we even spoke much again. Now we're gardening buddies, but I wouldn't want to involve any money with her lol ...

Anyways, Kathy, I understand. It's a pain. Just a complete pain. Hang in there, and try to take the high road. When you look back later, you will be glad you did. I know that y'all are, and the brother you described is not. He won't be easy to deal with throughout the whole affair of settling the estate either. You might need an Excedrin, or something stronger lol, before it's over. Hugs ~Tenderlee

Thank goodness my parents had an estate plan in place and EVERYTHING was spelled out in no uncertain terms. It even said that if anyone contested the plan, that they would be dropped completely from anything! One brother talked to a laywer and was told not to try contesting.....my other brother has a DD who is an attorney-free for me and him.
all ex-wives etc or anyone that they even thought might want something, was give $1 so not left out. LOL
We could not sell a certain portion of property for 10 years, but could divide the income from it after the property taxes were paid.
It worked out well.
The moral is for people to plan ahead with a good estate person.
The only thing that we could not foresee and plan for, was my nephew ( who was raised by my parents, and considered an 'offspring') getting killed at 3 AM the same day that my Dad died.

How terrible about your nephew nonacook, and how sad for your family to experience those 2 deaths at the exact same time.
Sounds like your parents were on the ball and fully capeble when they made the plan. Thats another key. Don't wait until you are in your 80s. A person may or may not be competent to see all ends, or to resist the influence of someone with a very different plan than theirs as they get older. That said, I don't have a will, lol. I'm only 53 and dh is 52, but we have something to leave and we really should do one.
kathy

Thanks, Kathy! It was definitely a challenge that day.
My parents were in their 70's when they made the plan. and were 86 and 88 (Daddy died on his birthday- another surprise).