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turkeytaker_gw

Neurotic pets.

turkeytaker
16 years ago

I've got a household of neurotic pets.

My dog is scared of fans. When she's doing something wrong and gets corrected or scolded, she'll peek up at the fan like she's awaiting its wrath. If she can't place a strange noise in a room and it bothers her, she'll leave the room, lurk outside the door, and glare at the fan, as if it might be at fault. The fans can be off or on, but it's like she worships and fears them as gods. We refer to them as The Fan Gods, or TFGs. Ellie also has a thing about pressing her body into wet paint. She'll find a newly painted wall, walk sideways up to it, and lean into the wet paint. We shall never know...

We also have Inanimate Cat. Inanimate Cat expends no unneccessary energy. You can pile things on top of her and she'll move only when she decides she wants to go eat, drink, whatever. You can pick her up and lay her down somewhere else and she'll stay laying down where you put her. Bring another cat, dog, or person in the house and she could care less. Bring my father's cat in the house (a neutered male) and she turns into a screaming, shrieking banshee. He's twice her weight with claws and she'll attack him without mercy. He runs...but so would I.

Then we have the Angry Pig. The guinea pig is tormented by the dog and my father's cat (who stays with us while my dad is out of the country). If the guinea pig gets tired of the dog and cat chasing her around, the guinea pig starts clacking her teeth like crazy and throws her little body about eight inches into the air at the animal of her choice, then placidly goes back to eating her hay. Occasionally, she will latch on to whatever animal has angered her.

So, does anyone else have any pets with neuroses or bizarre behavior? I look at my guys and wonder if it's just the house and their human influences...

Stacy

Comments (2)

  • bob123how
    16 years ago

    While I have no pets of my own I house/hummingbird/dog-sat for a friend running for governer this past summer. For a month I was completely alone with 5 dogs and about 125 hummingbirds on a 400 acre ranch in the Texas Hill Country. The second month I was joined by about 100 children and Satan himself. The ranch is also a Summer camp, with Satan himself as the director.

    When getting oriented to caring for the dogs I was instucted to keep the dry food bowl full, 4-5 cans of wet food per day, and 1-2 hot meals per day (steak, liver, bacon, sausage, ground beef). And "The dogs love these F*&^%$# milkbones, they could live off the milkbones", as he took handfulls and littered the floor with them.

    Anyway, the heirarchy of the dogs was Perky, Magoo, Brownie, Chumley, and Fly. Perky is at least 18 years old and is the mother of Brownie and Chumley. Magoo is Chumley's dad and he is the muscle of the group, Fly was rescued from the utopia animal rescue ranch. Fly always ate last, and no matter what plate of food she chose (there were usually 5-6 to choose from) Perky would flip out and bark and growl. Magoo worships the tennis ball, and will chase it all day, he will not stop until you hide the ball. Fly doesn't actually want the ball, but hates it when Magoo has it and barks and digs holes all over the yard. My theory is that she is setting traps for Magoo to trip and break his leg so he can't chase the ball ever again.

    Brownie is obviously training under Perky to be the next leader and was the most noble of the Friedmans. He followed me wherever I went and dug holes where a flashlight was shined. Chumley, was the porker of the group, always trying to get the most food. I started watching the milkbones, and none of the dogs were ever eating them, but they were slowly disappearing. Chumley. He would take one at a time and go outside, furtively he would go into the crawlspace beneath the house (the batcave), and come out and get another. Well, I decided to go where no human has gone before, and I entered the batcave; sure enough, a pile of no fewer than 25 milkbones. He was saving them for when times were tough, despite a daily chumbum special of bacon and chicken livers.

    Occassionally Brownie would do "the prariedog" and stand on his hind legs. This of course would cause me to squeal with exticement, which would bring on the Friedman Family Choir, where Brownie, Chumley, and Perky would join in with their barks, growls, and howls.

    Daily, we would walk down to the river to let the dogs take a swim, and after about 20 minutes all of us, four dogs and I would look at Perky to see if it was time to go home, or if she wanted to venture further down the river.

    This was most assuredly the best 2 months of my entire life, and my only regret is that I didn't keep a daily journal of my life. And yes, this is all completely true.

  • turkeytaker
    Original Author
    16 years ago

    You should have had more than a journal...a camera crew would have probably been more beneficial! You could have probably done a documentary into the lives of an interesting pack of dogs.

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