the massive stone urns filled with Haraella and their blood red flowers smelling like rotting flesh began crashing to the ground. Only the dark shadow of something sinister..................

could be seen against the glass walls as it was highlighted by the repeated violent spears of lightning that filled the sky. Hidden away in the...

corner lay a cast-off bottle of Superthrive. The big one. And it was empty. A rumbling belch blew a pink Phal from the dress like a suicidal prom queen as...

("dress" should have been "bench"! oy!)

the enormous, green. . . .

fungus gnat began laying waste to the GH and the surrounding countryside. Looking for more Haraella pumped up on Superthrive, it found ..............................

(it's going to be a long night)

...The genetically modified phal that the mad scientist had created by inserting the gene of a bat. The bat phal was hungry. It eyed the fungus gnat with the intention of feasting. The phal sped toward the gnat. The gnat sped toward the phal.. and then....

there was a deafening roar of thunder, followed by a near blinding burst of lightning. Quietly at first, and then louder and louder was heard an evil laugh, demonic, as its owner reached for.....

the world's largest can of Orthene. Little did the evil Orchidist know that......

a small child in Africa was just learning to walk and.............

unbeknownst even to her, this child had magical powers. But soon she would realize that she could will the flora and fauna to do her bidding. But was she Good, or was she part of the Dark forces? Meanwhile the bat phal.....

Crunched on the knat, green putrid froth ran from it's evil smelling maw , the evil scientist took aim pressed the trigger on the sprayer the bat phal grew to 10 times it's size

garnering it an AOS award.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Because now it's time for

CHRISTMAS!!

Who wants to go to the MALL????!!!! Teehee! Girlish giggle!

*quiveringinthecorner* Stacy

Aaaaaaaargh!!! THE MALL! That's scarier than anything I can think of. In fact, I was just realizing I need to get out and buy (myself) anything I need from department stores, etc. as quick as I can in the next few weeks because I avoid retail stores like the plague (that they become) after Thanksgiving :p

I haven't been to a Mall in years. Am I really an American?

Never been to the Mall of America either. The shame is overwhelming.

You're not a true American. I'm telling.

I went to a mall just the other day with someone else, and they're already hell. Maybe they're always hell, I don't know, but I won't be going back.

The interweb is the best shopping invention ever. Does that mean I've forsaken America, too?

This is so sad.... the plot has been lost and now we are talking about shopping malls.

They should create a game named , Escape From Mall Hell .
I avoid them like the plague . G

Sorry, Arthur. I'll see what I can do:

My consort and I just checked out the new Fleming's steak house. A chain so I wasn't expecting much. Service was impeccable. Valet parking (even though it's located in a MALL parking lot), extensive wine li$t. The caesar salad was good, steak was fine (they actually note that it's corn-fed on the menu like that's different or even good) but the asparagus was positively awful. I know it's November but, jeebus when you're paying seven bucks for a handful of asparagus you'd at least think it would have some flavor.

We've officially sworn of franchises. I hope.

OK, back to the story:

But then the evil scientist realized he did not celebrate Christmas and he doubted the bat phal did either. Back in Africa, the tiny child who was just learning to walk had a terrible vision. He saw.....................................

the spirit of a dead phal from Home Depot. The phal leaned over and said, "Tonight, before the bell strikes three you will be visited by three spirits..."

The first spirit will the phal-hater from up north, second will be the obsessed Mr. Ang from down south, and finally you will be visted by....

The Slipper Queen! She alone can show you the true and noble path of orchid culture. But She requires a token of respect from you...

which is impossible for any rational person to do since the Slipper Queen is an IMPOSTER!! False gods amongst us are many, but the truly enlightened will follow the Zeus of the orchid realm: The Dend Diva. Only true devotion to her will....................

bring in the true Slipper Queen, Orrin. The Dend Diva will wreck havoc upon the wild orchids, pulling them up with the intention of saving them...Her efforts will bring along little trolls who carry big paint brushes and.....

prove that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. "What?" they say "You're surprised that I'm wise beyond my years?" To which Dend Diva (Sister to Schomburgkia Shiva and Kefersteinia Krishna) replies "No, your years are beyond your wisdom" and raising her arm....

...to begin raining blows upon the false goddesses, the whole procession was suddenly startled by the mournful cries of the forgotten Ang-crowned African child who, while the goddesses were bickering, had been snatched up by Madonna. Desperately trying to light the Brangelina signal they...

finally whisked the Ang-crowned child to the magical and all but forgotten Forest of the Giant - NoID - Lavender - Dend Phals ----- a place of great tranquility and beauty where tiny peanut sized squirrels play and frolic amongst the blossoms while.....

mealy bug choirs belt out swingy Cole Porter tunes...

but wait suddenly the tiny peanut sized squirrels turn to face Madonna and the angelic Ang-crowned child. They viciously leap upon Madonna and claw her eyes out,then devour her very small, malformed, itsy-bitsy, microscopic brain. Leaving the child untouched,they giggle uncontrollably and...

...post a video of their exploits on YouTube. Meanwhile...

Britney & Kevin were in the process of posting their video, but the Dend Diva did not approve of the content. After all, the Dend Diva was a Republican who embraced all the moral teachings and convictions of ........................