"My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them."

Mitch Hedberg

"Some people say that I must be a terrible person, but it�s not true. I have the heart of a young boy in a jar on my desk"

Stephen King

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific."

Lily Tomlin

"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."

Steven Wright