I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.

Johnny Carson

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

Steven Wright

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

Albert Einstein