"As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way. - Deep Thoughts (Saturday Night Live)"

Jack Handy

"I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly like mine - we were both crazy about girls."

Groucho Marx

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone."

Jack Handy