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To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Posted by marian_2 Z6 ARKozarks (My Page) on
Mon, Jul 2, 07 at 8:24

I am sending this appology to all that I hurt with my outburst in March. It was not aimed at any individual...but was a generalization of my feelings, at an all-time low period in my life. I have no excuse for why...but can only surmise that it was an accumulation of many factors in my life, including medications.
I am sorry that it happened.
When I came to this forum , about 5 years ago (?), I was blessed by the comfort that I found, with the many expressions of interest, compassion and generosities. I thank each and everyone who were part of that.
I pray that I will never sink to that March depth again, and I pray that it can all be put behind us all.

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Peace


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Marian - I posted my thoughts on your other thread -- I for one - as a newer member of this group here -- say that I feel I can accept your apology -- the lovely apology that you have offered here -- apology without any strings -- for stepping out of the bounds of the friendship circle that exists here.

I hope that others feel they can move forward as well and feel the same -- and that we can all move forward towards the common thing that we do all share -- gardening and nature.

I have missed seeing the names of other Idyllers who were made to feel awkward or saddened by earlier events and hope they can feel some charity to coming to visit more often.

--Cindy


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Dear Marian
No shunning here - we were out of town, extending a trip. I think it was very brave to post your apology and hope you will accept mine. I was truly out of place when I made my comment and have wished many times I could resend it. I am sorry for the hurt it caused. I posted in a hurry at a time I was feeling saddened and frustrated that one of the bright spots of my day, the Idylls, had become dominated by negativity, judgments and accusations. This does not justify what I wrote, it is simply what lead up to it.

Like you I hope this is behind us and peace can be found. But I hope just as strongly that we do not find ourselves in the same place in the future. To be honest, I did not mind your comment about Brutus that much - I had earned it and it is actually the sort of literary reference I enjoy. The knife was more jarring and implied a violence I found disturbing. However, I think what was more upsetting for me was the feeling I came to time and time again after reading your posts that my words and actions had been judged and were disapproved of. I've never felt that disapproval with anyone else on-line and rarely in real life. When I do, I find myself distancing myself from it. I come to these conversations to enjoy friendships, share moments and offer support, not to feel my choices in life are leading me to damnation. I'm sure you have never set out to intentionally make anyone feel this way, but in order to move forwards I need to get this off my chest and explain how I feel.

I'm sorry my apology is not as elegant as yours (I'm apologizing for my apology!) There has been a huge fall out from all this, including losing people from our group we both enjoyed. Like Cindy I hope that we can all move on to a time of healing and kindness. I know there will be times ahead when things become difficult - everyone of us has challenges to face. Hopefully we can negotiate them with caring and tolerance for each other and gentle reminders rather than angy outbursts. I'll try and do my part:0)
Mary


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Dear Mary,
Your apology is accepted.

I had even better thoughts while I was layng in bed yesterday morning, but my horizontal thoughts escape me when I am vertical! :-(


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Marian,

I read your post yesterday and didn't have time to give it the proper attention it deserved. It was the same story this morning. I have bid my evening fitting farewell and now it's time for me to "warm my chair". I have thought about this for 3 days now, which is probably a good thing, given the nature of the topic. ;)

I know well how desperate one can become when life gets rough, your skies darken, and walls begin to close in. I understand how it feels to have ones wings "clipped" by circumstances and the longing that follows when the hard, reality of what your life has become looms in front of you. I faced all of that during the time Mum was with me. I did what I knew was the proper thing to do, but couldn't help feeling trapped and overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of responsibility and the necessity of seeing all that I'd previously loved and enjoyed "put on a shelf" while the days went by with dreadful monotony. It foments resentment, anger, and hurt... the ingredients of a lethal cocktail that can destroy you from the inside out. Boy! do I ever understand... . There was a long time when I couldn't face the Idylls because it was simply too painful to be daily reminded of all I'd had to put aside for the sake of expediency. It was necessary to simply lower my head and pull into the yoke. I was damned lousy company! So, I know in my own small way, how low you probably felt on that fateful day.

Would that I was able to control my temper, too! ;) You aren't the only one to struggle with that one, Marian (one more thing we have in common?).

So here is MY apology to you: Marian, I am honestly sorry that I was less than comforting and brutally "to the point". It was a selfish indulgence. I know I hurt your feelings and I regret that very much.

I have always liked your "down home", practical way of observing things and sharing the sorts of things that I would note if I lived where you do. I've missed it a great deal. I know you are not a thoughtless, cruel person and you certainly know the same thing about me.

Friends?


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Dear Chelone, yes, we are friends, and I accept YOUR apology. We are a great deal alike but I word things differantly...:-)


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

As Mary stated, "However, I think what was more upsetting for me was the feeling I came to time and time again after reading your posts that my words and actions had been judged and were disapproved of. I've never felt that disapproval with anyone else on-line and rarely in real life. When I do, I find myself distancing myself from it. I come to these conversations to enjoy friendships, share moments and offer support, not to feel my choices in life are leading me to damnation." I agree that this whole thing was more than the one incident. However, I have the desire to move forward. I enjoy each and everyone on the Idylls including you Marian. I think each person brings some unique views to the Idylls, so I just ask that you would accept each of us as individuals and not be judgemental.

Friends?
Michelle


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

"I think what was more upsetting for me was the feeling I came to time and time again after reading your posts that my words and actions had been judged and were disapproved of."
I know the feeling....


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

I waited a bit to post on this thread, knowing full well that an apology from me was in order for not being as understanding of the entire situation as I might've been.

That said, and hopefully accepted, just a reminder of what things like this can promote .....

As a result of the whole "March thing" I went through some bitter attacks that became quite personal. This to the point that I needed to change my screen name, remove my email and any personally identifying information from my postings, and needing to have my incoming email traced. It was a long, draining process and fortunately, those who took things way too far are no longer involved in GardenWeb.

It was a huge blow to me that people could be so downright nasty and judgmental without knowing what was going on "behind the scenes" and all the caring that had been going on. Some of the caring was accepted, but a lot of it was shunned in favor of living temporary feelings of anger. This was hurtful beyond words, especially for me as someone who tries to always have positive things to say and do and to keep things light.

What happened changed the way I use GardenWeb drastically, and changed my desire to become involved with the Idylls beyond posting. Those I have met have been wonderful; but there are Idyll lurkers who obviously get pleasure out of gutting someone and then having a good laugh.

My hope is that nothing like this happens ever again. That as lovers and nurturers of the Good Earth we can see beyond our differences and concentrate on our commonality. Idylls can be a microcosm of what the world can be if we just put our minds to it, and think twice before we hit "submit."

Thanks for the opportunity to have this be over, Marian. It is a relief that you are doing better, and I'm looking forward to your uncanny way of brightening, rather than darkening, our days.

All the best in peace,

Martie


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RE: To All Idyll Members-Past and Present-Mea Culpa

Cindy, I failed to thank you for accepting my appology. I truely appreciate that.

Martie, I don't understand the nasty e-mails that you got. I am very sorry that you had to go through that.

I am also sorry that I have delayed so long in posting this...


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