Love it!! Thanks for the laugh everyone. I can certainly relate to all, hence the reason we moved to a place where there is a wall of trees between us and our neighbours. :O)

Well, yea, okay - you must never have had the experience of letting someone tour your garden and pointing out everything they didn't like/was "wrong" and not once the whole time say one single nice thing...

I guess we need to perceive that when others criticize our gardens and yards, it is not really a criticism of US or our intense labor. It is an expression of THEIR own inadequicies or personal situation expounded in order to make them feel better about themselves. We know OUR stuff looks great or why it doesn't! When they unload, feel sorry for THEM. Crap, we did all the work.
Your local psychologist,
hortster

Someone I know never compliments anything. She didn't even have the courtesy to compliment my engagement ring (isn't that a given?). Anyway, one time she toured my gardens and didn't say one word about liking anything. The next time I was at her house, I noticed she had planted a bunch of the same plants in her yard that I had in mine. And then everyone talks about how her yard looks like a botanical center.

Hmph!!

Deanna

P.S. Back to topic - the hackles stood up on my neck when my neighbor who grows weeds behind her shed and lets them grow 4-5 feet tall until I spray them with roundup (this mess is right behind my yard, blowing weed seeds into my flower beds) says, "Aren't all the little bunnies hopping around cute?" CUTE??? I say, "Pretty is as pretty does!"

The most recent thing to peeve me was when the new next door neighbors started weedwhacking...and buzzed off the eyes of a large, late hosta. I mentioned it kindly one day and he said, "what`s a hosta?"
IF I`D KNOW HE DIDN`T KNOW, I`D HAVE MOVED IT TO MY YARD BEFORE HE COULD CHOP IT GRRRR!

Get those morning glories out ASAP!!! Plant something else for her when she's not looking. My mother has been battling them for decades. They are indestructible. The neighbor that planted them has been dead for several years, but his "glory" lives on!

mxk3, i completely sympathize with your reaction to your 'friend'. I have some thoughts. There are some people with a mental/ personality condition called Asperger's. It is getting a lot more press/reserach now and may actually be had by people you previously thought were inconsiderate, a bit strange,or without good people skills. I have just recently realized that an old friend of mine likely has this condition so that is why I know to tell you about it.

But a non-Asperger's person who visits something so dear to your heart- and has nothing good to say- is,to me, clearly not offering love/friendship to you.If talking with them about your feelings- is not something you want to pursue,then why bother with them? Women are too good at putting up with hurtful relationships.
Lastly, hooray for you and your garden! Making the world a more beautiful place is always commendable!!
best,
mindy

Deanna; I know someone just like that. I'm personally secure enough that I don't have to have others compliments, but it's like icing on the cake if I get a few. I also feel it's common courtesy....And Ken, I found your piece amusing for the most part. But I hope you don't mean to come across as unaccomodating as you did. My DH asks for nothing when I go on garden tours other then to have a place to sit down out of the sun. He's got a physical disability that limits his mobility somewhat, but he doesn't want to be kept at home away from people just because he can't keep up with all the walking. A bench in the garden means he can participate in friendly conversations if someone joins him, or simply enjoy the beauty of the garden by himself.

ahhh, but I shouldn't have to wait terribly long until the little girl has gone back to Japan. The company dad has worked for is shutting down so they are definitely going home by September. I figure mom and the kids will be gone before then so the little one can get into school there. Dad certainly won't care a flip about any plants in the yard (you should see what he has done to his grass! aargh) What I'd really love to do is spray all the stupid Japanese honeysuckle they have allowed to grow at the back of the yard!!! whiiich I shall probably do from the back side of the patch actually. bwaaahaaa
dell

You spend so much time on your flowers but your grass looks so bad. It's full of weeds.

While I'm showing my garden, filled with rare and beautiful perennials to folks and somebody says: Have you seen the Fuchsia Garden 30 km from here? It is just so gorgeous!!!

"I like your garden but I prefer a more refined look."

"You sure do have that weeping willow close to the sidewalk!" -- It's actually a Cascade Falls Bald Cypress! If one more person says anything about that plant!!!!

"That wood mulch causes termites. You should use the rubber mulch. It doesn't have to be replaced!"

"I want a really fast-growing tree to shade my house."

"If you top out that tree, it will branch out more."

"You need to prune (decapitate) those crepe myrtles."

"Where can I buy a pretty mimosa tree?"

"Why didn't you plant your veggies in rows?"

"Don't compost the poison ivy, burn it." OMG!

"I don't like roses because they're too hard to grow."

"How can I get rid of Glechoma and Oxalis in my lawn?" I can't wait to see the pink & purple yards in the spring!

"You gotta get them weeds out." There used to be a really old lady next door who kept pulling up my plants while I was at work, and cutting down my lantana. She mowed my spiderwort patch. After buying heavenly blue MG seeds 3 times, I gave up. She passed away a couple years ago and now I have beautiful blue MG's and the lantana is thriving, and in a couple years, the spiderwort will have choked out the grass in its' spot.

You let some LOL pull up your plants!?! Wow, you are WAY more patient than I am, elderly or not she'd have gotten a good talking to from me :0:

The house next door has become a rental, and the previous renters kept the yard beautifully and had flowers and maintained a 20 year old Queen Elizabeth rose and had just put in a tomato garden when they got kicked out in favor of a family who offered more money (pipeliner boom around here).

New renter said, straight up "I don't mow, I don't water, I don't do gardens". We are in extreme drought. wanna guess how it looks now?

Reading all these comments reminds me why we moved out of town and away from neighbors. Al

mkx, yeah, IKR! I was irritated but a few MG seeds aren't worth dischord between neighbors. And I didn't want to hurt her feelings, she was just trying to help. I just kept mowing the part of her front yard that looks like it's part of my yard. I did start locking my door when she came in the house while I was taking a shower. She wanted to bring me some tomatoes but I showed her my melons. Well, lemons if you want to be technical, but you get the idea. LOL!

Forgot to add a good one yesterday,

"Can you come over and see what kind of snake you think is in my flowers?" He$%$% NO! That's what guys are for - go find one!

@purpleinopp OMG LOL Thanks for my laugh for the day!
Jacquie

Purple - LOLOLOL!!

"I'd have gardens like yours if I had more time."
"You poor thing. You must never stop working."
"My grandmother grew a flower that looked just like that one. Only, it was 4' taller, and pink, not yellow. What is it?"
"I have everything you have."
(That one really ticks me off. I didn't know we were in a competition. And they always say it before they stroll through the gardens.)
"What's this called?" - this one asked with a piece of stem and a few flowers they have taken the liberty of picking when I wasn't looking.
"Do you mind shutting your dog inside? My two wolfhounds don't like other animals."
"What's this bug?", always asked while opening a plastic bag with about 43 red lily beetles inside.

I hate it when people tell me:

"You must have a green thumb.I certainly don't 'cause everything dies for me."

No, my thumb is the same color as yours. The difference between you and me when it comes to plants is I actually take the time to care for them and take the time to learn about them. You don't. Don't blame your thumb. Blame your impulsiveness, your flightiness, your aversions to knowledge, your constantly shifting whims, your inability to follow through with anything. That's why plants die for you not because of your non-green thumb.

No phrase in the English language makes me crazier than the green thumb one.

Kevin

One of my respected professional gardener friends, visiting for the first time, plunged his hand into the garden bed soil, and remarked" Well ANYONE could grow a garden in this soil". I choose to accept the remark as a comment on how well I have built a quality soil. Of course I could interpret it as "even someone as backward as you could succeed with this soil". Sometimes we have to choose. Al

I live in a pretty, rapidly developing, cookie-cutter, very conservative, small town development for valid intellectual (but not emotional) reasons. I have worked very hard to forge a unique personality for my home but...

Having originally denigrated my selections during this home's construction, pushing instead for the ubiquitous taupe siding/white stucco/brick used everywhere else, the largest builder now promotes "my" combination of siding, stone facing and original porch style in many of his new projects. Unfortunately for me, it's popular.

Next, the owner of a large local nursery came and took some pictures of my signature window boxes which I've been doing for years. Since then, she features pre-made packs and containers of "my" plant selections to sell to the public.

I have people taking pictures of my fence pattern or the back yard gazebo or even peek in my windows so that they can copy things at their home. Others have rung my doorbell asking where they can get a weather-vane like mine, yard art like mine or how to make a french drain like mine. You can't - I thought them up, made them or had them made - they're "my" brainchildren!

Yeah, I know, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but geez... Not to sound too churlish but sometimes I think that, if I were a dog, I'd be peeing on my property boundary. Argh! So I guess something I'd rather not hear said is, "You don't mind if I copy that, do you?"

Hilarious thread!!

"Oh. You don't have any yellow flowers."

"Where are your/why don't you grow vegetables???"

"Why are your daisies dead?"

Kevin, that green thumb comment reminds me of people who used to look at photographs I was very proud of and say, "You must have a good camera."

Right, it couldn't possibly me me.

You guys are funny. Just let it roll off.
Gardens are what they are, lovely and a burden to the one who is loved by and enslaved by it.

I am in the process of moving my gardens to a new house. It has forced me to do some thinking and letting go. I am actually trying to downsize and eliminate so many fuss-pot plants, and keep the easier ones. In my do - over garden- I'm leaving at least half of my 250 types of perennials behind.

Gardens reflect the person of the house, their time, and financial investment in gardening, and the amount of enjoyment they have in their hobby.
If folks don't get your style, and can't keep their mouth shut. then it probably wasn't going to be a budding friendship anyway. ON the other hand, if they are copying you secretly, then it is a compliment.

Here is a link that might be useful:

"It's just rainwater from my gutters. . .isn't water good for your gardens?"

Not when you have your drain line running parallel to the fence between us
and your property is a foot higher than mine, which results in a run-off
channel stretching 75 feet into my lower garden and contributing to serious
pooling after EVERY rainstorm. . .no!

My personal favorite - "You can't eat flowers." To which I usually respond, "They feed my soul."

"Things I'd rather not hear my neighbor say."

HELLO!!!! LOL

It is the reason I searched for enough land that I did not have neighbors close enough to bother me.

If anyone comes to try to be nosy they do not try it again. The word gets around that I do not care to be disturbed in my garden. I grow my garden for ME!!! I do not try to show it off to the neighborhood so I am not looking for compliments, awards, or to educate anyone how, or what to plant.

I have picked friends that I invite to my house enjoy my company and do not offer any advice or critic my garden style.

By doing the above I have no complaints. My garden is my little piece of peace and it will stay that way.

"Why don't you grow a (insert type of fruit) tree here?"

*Looks at tiny 10 by 10 foot city garden plot in half shade*

Because, then the tree would basically BE my garden?
Not so fun.

As a child growing up in the 1930s we grew our food or we did not eat. No effort was put into growing flowers. Now as a result of a lifetime of work I can afford to buy food. So now with rare exceptions, I put my efforts into growing plants providing the most beauty to my life. Al

Hmmmm, Ken, that link to "Garden Etiquette" is a bit shocking. I have to say, if people are that uptight and there are that many rules to visiting gardens then I will probably refrain from visiting them, thank you very much!

Things I'd rather not hear?

The constant din of my neighbors' or their lawn services' lawn mowers, weed whackers, leaf blowers, hedge clippers, chain saws, chippers, etc. And I'd rather not hear the neighbors themselves for that matter!

The town telling me they're going to do work on the street....AGAIN!

The tractors mowing or cultivating the fields across the street.

As for comments on the garden, they are usually very nice and positive, when I hear them. If I'm in the front garden, I usually hide behind the bushes when people go by - not wanting to be bothered when in the garden.

Now as a result of a lifetime of work I can afford to buy food. Couldn't help myself from sharing my thought "that's about what it takes to buy a meal lately." My wry observation aside, your comment was beautiful, though.

Here's one I got yesterday, "Why don't you cut down those dead sunflowers?"

Well... the birds are still eating the seeds and there's still entire ecosystems of bugs "doing their thing" on these dead-looking plants, and attracting anoles to that spot. There are also sweet potato vines using the stalks for support; they are able to get above the watermelon foliage this way. I don't really like looking at them, either, but they are still providing services in many ways.

Quote: "Hmmmm, Ken, that link to "Garden Etiquette" is a bit shocking. I have to say, if people are that uptight and there are that many rules to visiting gardens then I will probably refrain from visiting them, thank you very much!"

I have to say - I would let someone use my bathroom, but hey that's me...

I don't think Ken wrote that, though; I think it was a compilation of various complaints/comments - ?

One visitor to my hosta bed on a garden tour looked at the beuatiful display of hostas and companion plants, looked at me, and asked, "Where is the garden?"

A mother was walking with her child past my house, and the child started to pick my flowers. I told the child to stop; the parent was incensed and said, "How dare you reprimand my child!"

I caught someone picking allium ($5 a bulb) at a garden I tend. She responded, "What kind of person are you? I was leaving some for others to look at."

I am one of those (dreaded...?) people who would say 'I have one of those...' when visiting someone else's garden. I would be thinking in the context of 'we have something in common here' to start a conversation about how we grow things, relative garden conditions etc. I'd be more than a little taken aback that someone would be offended by that as a conversation-starter. We regularly go on local garden tours and I most enjoy having more in-depth discussions with the gardeners - something beyond the 'oh, that's nice...' sort of comments. We were also a host garden on the local tour a few years ago. We had about 700 people through the garden that day and certainly the most enjoyable coversations with guests were those that involved more detailed discussions about growing particular things in our - and the guest's - garden.

As for things I'd rather not hear said, the big one would be 'We'll be putting up a wooden fence along the property line.' So far, this is an nice old-fashioned neighbourly neighbourhood of open chainlink fences where we all chat acress the fences. But it's also a neighbourhood undergoing the tear-down-old/build-outrageously-large-new-houses where the new owners wall themselves off behind ugly (to me...) wooden fences. When our elderly neighbours to the south inevitably sell, I'm sure that's what will happen with that property. I'm not at all looking forward to that!

Someone said my flower bed looks like a jungle yesterday!

She knew I was offended so she said, "It's a healthy jungle!"

I've had the 'jungle comment' also. I found it offensive. To me it implied something out of control.

Jungle offensive? It sounds like something really lush and full of life to me.

Quote: "Hmmmm, Ken, that link to "Garden Etiquette" is a bit shocking. I have to say, if people are that uptight and there are that many rules to visiting gardens then I will probably refrain from visiting them, thank you very much!"

I have to say - I would let someone use my bathroom, but hey that's me...

==>> i missed the above way back..

terrene.. its HUMOR.. crimminey ...

mx ... #1 rule of a national tour ... NEVER ASK TO GO IN THE HOUSE ... wife let some woman in for bathroom .. 1998

nice watch missing later that day ..

10 years later .. 2008 .. same national hosta tour.. and my wife swears ... the same lady asked to go in they house ... again!!!! .. wife told her there was one on the bus.. [and i think the same lady wanted me to dig up a hosta for her.. while the other 350 peeps watched ...]

but i think i see the difference.. you guys invite friends/acquaintances/neighbors over ..

many times i get a phone call.. and have total strangers come over ...

one type gets in the house with apologies for the mess in there ..

others are told in no uncertain terms.. that they are not welcome in the house ... and that there is a bush out back they can squat under.. i will be back in a minute with the TP ... [hey terrene.. thats humor] .. lol

most of the nonsense that rolls out of the non-garden types.. doesnt bother me ... most are simply thrilled to be out in a garden of your caliber.. and they simply do NOT know what to say ... they want to relate.. and they just lack the words..

except for that one spouse ... man if i had my shovel with me.. i would have smacked him upside the head ... and to top it off.. he was from canada!!! ... whats that all about ... and his wife was sooo interested.. frankly.. i think he got jealous somehow .. but he was still the business end of a horse ...

ken

I distinctly remember telling my sister in no uncertain terms WHATEVER YOU DO DO NOT ASK KEN TO USE THE BATHROOM !! We made sure to make a stop in town before we got to your place LOL!

if i recall.. as a joke.. i sent you a link to the FAQ at the hosta forum ... lol

besides.. i would have not objected .. as you were invited guests.. not strangers... except for the horror known as the inside of the house ... lol

ken

Ah, so I CAN use the facilities next time I visit! :0)

I got a good chuckle out of the variety of posts. I can relate to many of them. By the way, if you expect my house to be clean, come back in the winter. I'm OUTSIDE in the summer.

Ken, guess the humor went right over my head. In any case, my comment wasn't aimed at you personally.

i am still trying to be humorous terrene ...

mx .. i will clean the house.. IF you schedule the indoor visit part of the garden tour ... so plan ahead ...

ken

You hear some interesting things working at a nursery. Customers say the darnest things.

My favorite came from early this spring. If this were a book I would entitle it:
"IS THIS MUSHROOM EDIBLE?"

So I get this phone call from a customer asking me if I know about mushrooms. Just to confirm I asked the gentleman (sounded like he was older) if he meant how to get rid of the mushrooms in his lawn. He said no, he wanted to know what mushrooms were edible. He said he thought he heard that any with gills were poisonous (flawless logic...). You know when something strikes you so funny that you laugh, even though you know ya' really shouldn't? That is what happened to me- though thankfully I was able to turn it into cough that lasted awhile to add a air of authenticity ;-)
My only reply was that I REALLY was no expert on mushrooms and I would advise seeing if there is a a local mushroom-hunting group or specialist and asking them before eating ANY found mushroom. The guy even asked if I knew the phone number/how to get in contact with them. Yeah...I have that in right here next to the numbers for Skagit gardens and Monrovia. LOL.

"Is this edible" has popped up before too with regards to other things. Hate it when I am asked that. Because obviously you have to be 1000% sure it is, otherwise they are NOT going to be a repeat customer, if you know what I mean, lol. I once told [a thankfully good-humored customer] that pretty much everything is edible, the question is whether or not you would survive the attempt.

One thing I never EVER what to hear again (but know I likely will if I work at the nursery again next year) is "what is that grass planted around town that looks like wheat?" Talking about Calamagrostis. I can't for the life of me understand why people think it looks like wheat. Drives me nuts. Also for questions on the Euphorbia polychroma/epithymoides planted in the beds. Seems I alone get three questions a day about it when it is in its prime. "But it doesn't look anything like that plant" they say, holding up a not-"blooming"-anymore-1 gal.-potted version of the Euphorbia. SIGH.

Ditto the "that plant looks like a weed" and "that yard looks kinda' nice, except for the lawn".
CMK

"Wow..you're always outside", said to me by my very lazy neighbor on the right side of our property. I thought, hello, gardening is an outdoor hobby, duh..

"Look at those trees. You paid for them and I get the view", said to me by my even lazier neighbor located on the left side of our property.

"Gardening is so much work.", said by another lazy neighbor who grows weeds in her garden...lol

"I'll give you a cutting of that plant", said to me by my nice neighbor..there are a few in the neighborhood..of course, she said this like 3 years ago and I'm still waiting for that cutting!

"What would you recommend that I grow here", said by several neighbors..ok, maybe I should get paid for this

this happened a few years ago, but i found a huge full boston fern at a local grocery mart for $17. My thought was what a steal, i would normally pay twice that for one of this size.
a few weeks later, a lady from church came to visit and had the gall to say, talking about the fern in disdain. "that's a lot of bread and milk money sitting right there"
... needless to say she and i just don't see eye to eye. ;)

One I heard last summer, "that grass needs some water."
OK, I'll water it and you'll come by and mow it in a week, right?

Could you divide that for me? (pointing to an unusual plant that you grew from seed and have waited 10 years for it to look good)