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| I am so sick of the little comments people make to me since I'm a guy who loves plants.
One person said, "I never really got into flowers like you." It's always said in a way that makes it clear they consider it something women like. They will compliment me on my plants but then they always throw in a little jab about men liking flowers. I'm someone who would never insult someone for their interests. I just don't get it! |
Follow-Up Postings:
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| I understand what you mean. I think there is still societally a narrow idea of what men are encouraged to do for interests. I think women are now allowed more latitude, but that tolerance has not reached men yet. No one bats an eye when I say I am taking a weight lifting class. Hopefully it will change. A local club near me is a group who all grow fruit in their yards. It's almost all men. I figure, it's because it is food, that is somehow "okay." Are these co-workers, who haven't seen your garden, or neighbors, who have? Look at all those gardening shows that are hosted by men, all the landscape architects, etc. Not that it helps to mention that to your critics. Maybe an Iron Chef series for gardeners is in order! My husband likes to sit in the front yard. He is more than happy to receive compliments from passersby on the garden, even though it is my work they are observing! |
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| Yes, it is OK to grow fruit and vegetables, but not manly to do "flower" gardening. Hope that helps. ;) My priority is to convince growers to stop naming plants solely to cater to female customers. For instance, I just received an order of African violet leaves for propagation, and virtually all the varieties have names intended to attract the demographic that apparently grows AVs for the most part (I have a nice variegated AV that has the embarassing name "Ma's Paris Affair"). What we need are manly-type variety names, like "Stingray", "Touchdown" and "Plumber's Helper". |
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| It is actually strange, as most plant hunters throughout centuries were men. In Denmark most professional gardeners are men. In Germany mostly men , in Poland too . Most iris, lilies and daylilies breeders were/are men. Who produces most roses in the world: David Austin. Plant nursery owners - mostly men. I would agree that flower arrangement and selling of cut flowers - nearly only women. |
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- Posted by Bumblebeez z7b Seneca SC (My Page) on Sun, Oct 30, 11 at 14:54
| Eh, it's like chefs. The top notch ones are typically men. Yet there exists the wimpy Betty Crocker image among those who have cooking as only a hobby. As far as I'm concerned, men who cook and garden are fab! I have always thought while I love my hubby, it would be so nice to have a gardening partner. If I am ever widowed, I will seek out my next spouse in a local gardening club (with all the other women :-) |
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- Posted by hostaholic2 zone 4 MN (My Page) on Sun, Oct 30, 11 at 15:29
| I have to agree with the comments in this thread. I think that certainly often seems to be the case, though I have one gardening friend who grows and has done so for years, prize winning glads and dahlias. Nobody makes comments to him but then again he is 6' 5". I'm with Bumblebeez on the cooking and gardening. I got the cook anyway even if he's not a gardener though he likes that our place looks nice. |
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| You are talking to the wrong kind of people i.e. the ignorant. How about thinking of them not as 'flowers' but as plants. You are a plantsman not a flower person. It doesn't seem to be an issue over here where gardening is just about the commonest hobby there is for both men and women. |
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- Posted by aftermidnight Z8 V. Island B.C. (My Page) on Sun, Oct 30, 11 at 16:14
| Not in my neck of the woods, men not only grow flowers they have fantastic gardens. Many of them grow for exhibition, dalias, mums, glads, narcissus, tulips and.... along with fruit & veggies. Never crossed my mind that men liking flowers was an eye lifter, I just think of them as kindred spirits but, to be honest, I have to say I do get a little green when their flowers are better then mine. Annette |
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| Well... 1. You need new friends and acquaintances. 2. People who make snide comments don't like to be confronted. The next time someone says something, simply say (in the nicest, most pleasant tone you can muster): "I really don't understand what you're saying. Could you please tell me what you mean?" That will shut 99.999% of 'em up real fast, because they're basically cowards at heart. They're probably the same group of folks who leave the really nasty ANONYMOUS comments on blogs and stuff. I can't think of a single time someone has said something tacky about my love of flowers. That's not to say they haven't, I just don't allow it to register in my brain. Why waste the brain space? They're stupid, ignorant people and I have no time for people like that in my life. I have plenty of friends and neighbors who love what I do with my garden. Kevin |
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| I think it might be a regional thing . . . my FIL, in his eighties, has grown flowers along with fruits & veggies for the 30 years I've known him. I think he grows most of the perennials and fruit, my MIL most of the annuals, and they do the veggies together. It doesn't seem unusual here for guys to be growing flowers, though most of them like Kevin are equally happy building stone walls and swinging a sledgehammer. Here's hoping that despite the current tendency in American culture to look for differences between genders, that we all could be open-minded enough to allow others to follow their interests without indulging in snarky comments. Barb |
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| Bumblebeez: re: the chef thing. In conversations with other women, when the subject has come up regarding what our husbands do, I swear I've seen their eyes light up like kids in a candy store when I tell them my husband is a chef - and I laugh to myself because it's often coupled with "oh, my husband's just a lawyer" or "oh, my husband's just a pharmacist" or whatever - like being a chef trumps it all LOL! Be careful what you wish for - the garden is MINE, I don't know if I'd like to share the decision-making with another gardener...having a non-gardener around who is willing to do the heavy work (digging big holes, building/repairing, etc.) works out pretty well - plus it doesn't hurt that he IS a chef :0b (and handsome, too). |
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- Posted by perennialfan273 zone 5 (My Page) on Sun, Oct 30, 11 at 20:44
| Echinaceamaniac, my mind is blown. This entire time I thought you were a girl O_O. Seriously, just ignore them. Unfortunately, there is no cure for ignorance. |
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| I could say the same thing about women that like power tools. People do not say it but the look you get speak a thousand words. Do what you enjoy and don't give a flying (you know what) about what people say or think. Remember the saying.....A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. A plant name will not make it more masculine. But..... Why do they call them Craftsman tools why not Craftswoman tools. LOL |
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| miniature orchids.... heh heh manly gardening interests: individual plants that can be acceptable: I guess orchids might make the list... but miniature ones? iffy. I've always been a gardener and it's only recently that I don't care what people think. To be honest I was very self conscious in my younger years. I'm better now but still have a little trouble with early spring pansy shopping... pansies don't even come close to making the manly list. An odd thing I've noticed is people have no problem asking for help with deck building or sheet rock hanging, but they always offer money when it comes to gardening help!? Maybe we need a support group. "Men who Garden"..... no wait, support group might not work on the manly thing. We need to get drunk together. No bottles, only cans. |
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| Wow, like perennialfan, I too thought you were a woman, maniac! Not that that has anything to do with this conversation. It's happened to me a few times where for some reason I just assumed someone here on the forums was male or female and I turned out to be wrong. I agree with Bumblebeez - seems that gardening and cooking are often thought to be "female" things amongst the majority of folks, but the top chefs and the top gardeners are often men! I do think that some people feel that it's more "manly" to grow vegetables than flowers, but I've never encountered anyone who blatantly put down men for flower gardening. Maybe if I was a man I would notice that prejudice more. I would just ignore those who make snide remarks. You need to hang out with more gardeners! We appreciate other gardeners for their talents and their plants, not for their gender! kato, one of the larger garden clubs in the area here is a certain city's "Men's Garden Club". Maybe it started out as a support group...??? Dee |
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- Posted by crackingtheconcrete 7aNY (My Page) on Sun, Oct 30, 11 at 22:43
| I have absolutely nothing enlightening to say that hasn't already been said, but this fun thread just made my night. ;) Bummer that aachenelf is not my neighbor. :( I love pie and have a vast array of heavy pots that could use moving in for the winter..and we could chat flowers ;) |
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| When I was a kid/teenager I channeled my interest into "trees." It was a little more acceptable than "flowers," which I would have been embarrassed to say. But I'm honest when I say I'm not interested in "flowers" as much as I am interested in "plants" or "horticulture" or even "biology" of which observing plants is a subset. It's just that when it comes to growing plants in a garden, flowers are basically the scorecards telling you that you're doing it right, so they are part of the game. Still, I - and most gardeners I know, men and women included - would look at a bouquet of cut flowers and think what a waste because they are cut and can't grow. And fake flowers, no matter how "real" they look, are just shameful. So it's really not about the aesthetics of flowers or bloom. It's about the sense that this plant is a living thing, and life is more fascinating or compelling than any other medium a hobbyist or artist can work with. If one of my friends gets a bouquet of roses, the first thing I'm thinking is to say "as soon as those blooms die can I have the stems?" so I can try to root them. It's definitely not an interest in flowers! It's an interest in life, and an interest in planting a plant as the ultimate form of "investment" because it grows into something worth more than the effort you put in to it. I do attribute the scorn towards men in gardening to sexism. For generations there has been this sense of "lost masculinity" among American men, because of modernity and technology and thus the loss of opportunities to face the elements the way that was once necessary, and somehow we came to believe it was a man's role - not a woman's - to do the tough jobs. It's given rise to all sorts of superficial hobbies used to "prove" adequate masculinity; most notably I think gun ownership and hunting have become a new cultural symbol of the attempt to recover manhood. That's what I hate most of all about the dichotomy; women are supposed to give life, men are supposed to kill it, and if you are doing that properly you are fitting your role. I think that's an increasingly narrow segment of the country that believes that way, though. |
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| Interesting. I was just wondering the same thing recently and actually thought of posting on this topic. Having never had yard of my own until my 30s, I can't keep out of it now but do sometimes feel conscious of the stereotype with regards to gardening. I often wondered how many other posters on here were men. That being said, I do have an older male neighbour who is an excellent gardener. For me, as I tell my wife, after a stress filled day running a dept full of people older than I am, I need to be outside, dig some holes and move plants around to get some steam out of my system. Even in Lowes, all the gardening gloves are for women...... For the record I knew Echinaceamaniac was a man but then again I also thought hostaholic was man (sorry) Waiting for Ken to come on and add his rant. We do need to start a support group. |
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- Posted by gottagarden z5 western NY (My Page) on Mon, Oct 31, 11 at 6:53
| My dad is the strong silent type, a man's man, a plumber, . . . and a flower grower. He has a beautiful flower bed by the road and everyone always tells me how lovely my "mom's garden" is. My mother doesn't like to get her hands dirty, so they are shocked when I tell them it's my dad's garden not my mom's. My husband is from Britain, where men gardening is just as common as men walking the dog. It's not a gender thing, it's a cultural thing. |
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- Posted by squirejohn 4 VT (My Page) on Mon, Oct 31, 11 at 7:43
| I only garden at night when no one can see me, and during the day I put on my fake hairy gorilla arm covering and drive a bulldozer back and forth in front of the house -lol |
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| I am a member of a Mens Garden Club, established over 50 years and instrumental in encouraging youth to choose horticulture as their major. We provide over $10,000 per year in scholarships. We also welcome women members, we just don't want to change the name to be politically correct. Our ladies don't seem to mind belonging to a MENS garden club. What we all have in common is our love of plants,including flowers. Al |
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- Posted by purpleinopp 8b AL (My Page) on Mon, Oct 31, 11 at 11:25
| It's not a gender thing, it's a cultural thing. Totally agree! I think the stereotype evolved when men went from mostly working at home to mostly working at jobs outside the home. If you're not there, you can't garden. It also seems that many men turn into gardeners when they retire (and have the time.) Just wanted to say to the guys, I'm never more turned on than when my honey helps with something gardening-related. So, if the guys are laughing at you, ignore them. The women are taking notice, and isn't that better? Not only do you get their attention and turn them on, you have something to talk about, too. It's just like when guys take home ec in high school. The ones I've known or met who did are the "best" partners and friends. It shows they are intelligent enough to desire more completeness to their beings, and appreciate women enough penetrate "their milieus" to be around them even if they don't care to grow their own plants or bake their own cookies. It's like the way I *could* change the belt on the vacuum cleaner, but don't really want to. It's the same reason I watch some football and baseball. I could care less, personally, but it's another topic of available conversation, and is something else "we" can do together. I could say the same thing about women that like power tools. I like tools, too, and if something is purple, it's HARD for me to not buy it. If power tools came in purple, I might take up wood-working. On a similar note, every time I mow, I am cussing at my mower. The handle, although adjusted to its' lowest height, is well above my waist and it's extremely difficult to get the leverage needed to lift the front to pivot it. Every time it makes my lower back hurt for a couple days. Don't women do about half of the mowing? Why must we continue to struggle with these mowers that are made for bigger people? And so ugly? Why can't a mower be pink or purple or teal? The company that makes a smaller, cuter mower will sell a TON of them. Even in Lowes, all the gardening gloves are for women... Are you sure you didn't just miss the section of men's gloves? I always have trouble finding gloves that are small enough, and often buy the kids size. This year I had an extremely hard time finding a pair of gloves that weren't way too big that were tough enough to allow me to grab raspberry vines. The men's section has a diverse selection of extremely tough gloves, but the women' are wimpy and the vast majority are just for keeping hands separated from dirt. I'm not afraid of dirt, and it always ends up inside the gloves anyway! I don't put gloves on to do anything unless I expect to end up bleeding if I don't. What we need are manly-type variety names, like "Stingray", "Touchdown" and "Plumber's Helper". Totally agree with this sentiment! |
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| Purpleinopp, a man having a pink mower would be in much much worse position than a man who likes flowers.You can't expect a man helping you with mowing in such a case. It would be an equivalent of high heeled shoes, I think. |
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- Posted by hostaholic2 zone 4 MN (My Page) on Mon, Oct 31, 11 at 18:57
| miclino, oh well, now you know...I'm a short woman who by the way has a difficult time finding gloves small enough and tough enough as well. Though I must say Womanswork gloves work well on both counts....sorry guys. |
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- Posted by echinaceamaniac 7 (My Page) on Mon, Oct 31, 11 at 19:31
| Thanks for all the support. LOL. |
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| I could say the same thing about women that like power tools. People do not say it but the look you get speaks a thousand words. The power tool thing irritates me. I'm a woman, and I need power tools. I do all the woodworking around the house, and I'm always doing home improvement projects; plus, I am a sculptor in metal. I can't tell you how many times I've walked out of a store when I wasn't taken seriously. In the end I get fed up, because I still need the d**n tool. There's a tool store near me I used to shop at. Not a home improvement store that had some tools; ALL tools, for contactors and professionals. Their power saws alone filled a room. For as many times as I went in there, I was still ignored. I only went back because they had things I couldn't get anywhere else, like good torches. But I had to figure everything out myself, while the staff just stood around and shot the breeze with the men that came in. I have not gone back in about 3 years now. I think it's getting better, at least at some stores. I'm usually treated well at Menards, so that's been my store of choice for most things for a while. But when I wear out the current torch, I'll have no choice but to go back to House of Tools. |
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| Men that are REAL men garden and obviously are sure enough of their manhood that they do what they really enjoy. Just like I don't worry what a woman thinks when I've grabbed power tools. Cher |
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| Kato, how about rounding off the shrubbery using your chainsaw. (Actually watched my neighbor doing that!) That's even more manly, lol! I have to admit that I have not thought of flower gardening as the most manly of pursuits. Being a woman with a more masculine personality, I fell into that stereotype myself. As a young gardener I thought flowers were frou-frou and plants should have a "function" or "purpose", i.e. veggies can be eaten, and trees provide shade for the house. After 25 years of gardening, many years of being head of household, a landlord and property manager, who wields power tools on a regular basis, does carpentry, etc., things have changed! Flower gardening allows me to express a more feminine and artistic side. Flowers are objects of such exquisite beauty and lo and behold they have a function too. Nowadays my motto is "You can't have too many flowers"! |
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- Posted by finchelover 5b-6 (My Page) on Tue, Nov 1, 11 at 15:42
| Yep!my hubby is one of those,he calls them weeds. He won't help me @ all in the garden beds. |
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- Posted by ken_adrian z5 (My Page) on Tue, Nov 1, 11 at 16:28
| sorry .. its never been a problem ... i havent studied all the answers .... but i think the best that i saw.. was to get a better level of friends ... i mean really .. as i tell my children.. you are allowed to have a thought in your head without saying it aloud ... do you really know peeps who tell you this to your face??? it might come in handy for you to drag the shovel around on tours.. so you can just wallop peeps who gratuitously insult you in your own garden.. dem are fightin words, buddy .... ken |
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- Posted by newbie_in_nj 6b E/Central NJ (My Page) on Wed, Nov 2, 11 at 10:33
| I was so surprised to see the title of this thread but I can see some people (uninterested) saying tactless things based on their lack of appreciation. People thought I was nuts spending hours outside at my father's house caring for my few plants the deer didn't devour...and I'm female so it didn't matter - they just didn't share the interest or appreciate seeing the butterflies and other pollinators happily flitting from flower to flower. It always seemed natural to me that men (some) thought the same way about gardening as women (some) since for as long as I can remember it was always "Daddy's" roses and "Daddy's" Iris! My parents both grew up the in city and moved their kids to "the country" so they'd have woods to explore and space to grow/appreciate. He also fixed everything in the house, changed his own car oil until they sealed engines, etc. But he still loved his roses and iris which came from his father's little garden in the city. Part of his joy when we moved to "the country" (now completely congested) was slowly landscaping our 75' wide lot on his own, buying and planting jonquil bulbs for my mother, taking us to get Mom hyacinths for Easter and on and on. We had what I guess would be considered a small border garden in the backyard edged with rocks found in the woods. Roses were center row and other plants and bulbs surrounded them. It was normal for Dad to be outside first thing Saturday morning during the growing season(s) checking things out and tending his little garden. After working 2 jobs and going to night school for so many years I look back and can see how it must have provided my father such a peaceful chage of pace to care for his garden, trees and shrubs...even his lawn which he shrunk each year with spreading pachysandra. Echi, you seem downright "normal" to me! Enjoy what you like...life's too short not to. |
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- Posted by buyorsell888 Zone 8 Portland OR (My Page) on Sun, Nov 6, 11 at 15:31
| I would agree that flower arrangement and selling of cut flowers - nearly only women Sorry but that isn't true. I was a florist for over twenty years and many who work in the industry are men. Most of the growers and wholesalers are men. Many of the clerks that the public might see in flower shops are women but the industry has plenty of men and many of the top floral designers are men. :) My father has always had an interest in landscaping and always has nice yards so I've never thought it "unmanly" for a man to like flowers. I was proud of my husband when he told two ladies who were confused about a plant at Butchart Gardens that it was a hosta. He was embarrassed though that he stepped right up to them and told them. He turned around and pointed at me and said "my wife grows them" LOL Don't let people making rude comments upset you. It is stupid the way that different things are assigned to different genders....I LOVE blue and have never been a fan of pink and I read Sci Fi and Adventure as well as Romance novels....doesn't make me less feminine and loving flowers doesn't make you less masculine. |
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| People are so ignorant. Just ignore them. One of our regionally famous landscape/gardening centers is owned by a man and host of a news segment on gardening in Cleveland! Petitti's Gardening Center has a segment all summer long on Fox 8 Cleveland News and the host is AJ Petitti and most definitely a man :) |
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| Oh, you're all just a bunch of horto-sexuals! Purple, I would have had to beat you off my husband with a shovel earlier this year when he (also a professional horticulturist) brought home a big flat of bright purple Angelonia. Back in my university days (Va. Tech), the hort. department was mostly male. That included the greenhouse production courses and the floriculture classes, too. I've never in my whole life considered the love of and care of flowering plants a feminine (only) art. |
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