OK, I'll give this a try.

Your schedule looks like this:

Noon - Rise and stumble into the shower to wash yesterdays stale cigarette smoke and grime off. Choke down left over shrimp and caviar with OJ.
2pm - Meeting with your screaming manager and malcontent drummer.
3pm - Arrive late at the studio for the recording session, dodge the paparazzi and teenie bopper fans only to find the drummer and bass player snorting coke in the john.
6pm - After long hours in the studio, eat take out in the dressing room of tonight's venue. Make-up, costume, etc.
10pm - Concert ends, spend 2 hours signing autographs, photo ops, etc.
Midnight - Next 3 hours devoted to PR at various clubs, with screaming manger in tow.
4pm - Spend a few quiet moments working on new songs and lyrics.
5am - Sleep. Tomorrow you leave at 10am on a 21 day 18 city tour.

And I wish chocolate wasn't fattening.

LOL! OK forget about me being a rock star...

**POOF!** Chocolate is no longer fattening! You go to your favourite chocolate store and purchase their finest box of sweets. On the way home you start to indulge and feel wonderful about having no guilt! Having stopped at a pet store to pick up supplies people look upon you in horror!

You have grown a 4 ft. long tail and your skin has green Iguana-ish scales. But ... you are still slender!

Who would have thought pessimism could be so fun!! LOL

**POOF!**

Daisy now spends her free time, and energy, on other healthy endeavors, such as expressing her displeasure with her water dish....at 1am. Or working in those new shoes that always start out so uncomfortable...with her teeth. Or teaching Rani the joys of butt-rubbing the carpet. Such a resourceful doggie!

I wish my pond was perfect - bigger, cleaner, envy of all!

Brenda

Oh, this is a toughie.

*POOF*

And it's spring, and your pond is perfect. Nothing to do. Sit next to pond looking at it. Then it's summer. The pond is perfect. no need to do anything. Fall, the pond is perfect. Why do anything. Winter. More of the same. Blah, blah, blah. Yawn!

I wish I knew how to grow orchids.

:) Mary

**POOF**

Mary oh Mary ... You know how to grow orchids! You have your humidifier set just right. The vaporizer is going on the Masdis, the Draculas and all those guys who love the higher humidity. One of your Phals. has grown great stolons and rooted in your carpeting. The Vanilla Orchid has really taken off and has actually attached itself to the woodwork that makes up your closets and doors.

Oh oh... Forgot to check that darn vaporizer and the humidity is sooo high water is literally dripping from your ceiling like your own little rain forest or cloud forest for the higher altitude species. Water streams down the inside of your doors and windows. oops! After adjusting the humidity makers for the one thousand and thirteenth time you notice that not only are your orchids amazingly happy, healthy and blooming ... there is also a healthy growth of mold on some of your walls. Your enterprise has expanded and you are now giving away your prized plants because they have grown and you have divided the plants. There is no more room but that orchid show is next month and you have already pre-ordered $$$ amount of orchids from Ecuador. You need to make more room for the orchids you needed to add to your collection.

(LOL! Sounds like I've been there doesn't it? Well some of it. )

**POOF**

So you are off to Southern Florida to spend a week walking the beach with your soulmate. The first day you take a boat ride over to a remote island to enjoy miles of white sand beaches. You take your first dip into the warm tropical water and get 30 jellyfish stings on your upper leg, as Mike carries you into shore he gets a stingray bite on the top of his foot. Lacking any medical supplies, you keep rinsing your stings and his bite with ice water from your cooler. As you both limp back to the dock to await your boat trip back to the mainland you start to have a reaction to the antibiotics you're taken to fight off a sinus infection and the hot sun makes your skin feel like it's on fire. As you cower in the shade, the boat finally arrives and the captain informs you that the worse thing for a sting ray bite is cold water, you need hot water. After you get back to your car, you find that the ignition key will not open the locks and that the door key is in the trunk (traveling lite don't you know). After the locksmith arrives and you finally get back to your hotel and call your doctor about your hyper-sensitivity to your antibiotic, he says to discontinue the antibiotic and you must stay out of the sun for the next five days. But that's okay since the next day the first hurricane in history hits the Florida coast in February and you are evacuated.

I wish a Northern Sawhet Owl would land in my cedar tree!

**POOF**

A northern Saw-whet Owl has landed in your cedar, then another, and another, and another....
They begin hunting at dusk, and by morning you have no mice, no frogs, no insects, ...also no sparrows, chickadees, finches, kinglets...even the cardinals are gone. Some are just headless corpses on the ground.
Then their mating calls begin... a monotonous, whistled "hoop", emitted at about 1.5 notes per second which may last for several hours without a break. Hours and hours and hours without a break ... days and days of it 'til you want to run screaming into the yard SHUT UP!!!

I wish Herb could feed and water the sheep for me.