I am sick of the dark and cold. I am tired of walking every morning at 5:45 with the temp below freezing and the fog so thick I can't see my feet. I am tired of getting home just before dark, changing my clothes and finding that it is already dark and the temp dropped 10 degrees in the 10 minutes it took me to change. I don't want to clean up anymore mud or dog hair or other people's pop cans and banana peels. I am sick of cooking the same old things for dinner and eating the same old things for lunch. I can't look a salad or bowl of homemade soup in the face anymore. I'm tired of eating nothing and staying the same weight. I don't want my feet and finger to hurt anymore. I am tired of hearing the same problems from the same people who won't or can't do anything to change and just want to call me up or come and see me to complain. I want to dig in the dirt and smell roses. I want sun and warmth and relaxation and somebody to cook for me and some time to just do nothing. I want to take a long hot bath with candles and incense and nobody knocking on the door. I want a day of playing music with my friends with no interruptions. Blah blah blah. I could go on, but you get the drift!

I'm not asking for anyone to try and solve my problems. They don't seem so bad any other day. And they are trivial compared to the problems of others. Anybody else care to share their winter blahs? As Frasier said "I'm listening"
Thanks
Kathy

I find knitting and hot herbal teas keep my body/hands warm and my mind occupied. Furbuddies will stop by as time permits in their schedule. :)

Jan 24 and Depression

Orchids-Thanks for the link. The 24th is my DD's birthday. She is 29 this year. My other daughter mentioned that is was the worst day for depression. I have to agree. This started yesterday. But spring will come and summer can't be far after.
Kathy

OK, a suggestion because I'm genetically and environmentally programmed from an incredibly obnoxious list of engineers who always have to give a tip [just one if you are lucky!]

I like to go to lunch at a new ethnic place, or visit that store I've passed by, etc. Just SOMETHING NEW. Even a small new thing can do the trick for me, not totally, but then again I agree that the blahs are just in the course of life. Order delivery from a place in the phonebook that you didn't know delivered... [I swear that's still the same tip ;]

My rants? The usual ;] Except now I also popped my thumb out of some position and can't get my cast back on... but that's good 'cos I made an appointment with the Hand Place for Monday because of it. It only works out because I've been procrastinating in the first place and did need a push, lol. But I'm good and scared of my thumb now [pain] so that's a rant and whine for sure!

Yesterday I got out in the back and actually finished digging two holes, it took me 3 days to dig them for two bareroot roses that I've been soaking for over two weeks because they broke dormancy before the freeze and they were growing in the pail of water. It felt very satisfying to plant them. Today I wandered around HD just for fun looking at plants, not that they have much selection right now and I didn't want anything I've got some more roses arriving in a few days, but I picked up some ornamental fencing to put out tomorrow. It hit 60 again today and the sun was out and I didnt' have any kids to watch for a change. I also wandered around an outlet mall and picked up a couple of nighgowns just because I liked the colors and it's been cold at night and they were long sleeves.

No one wanting anything, no one wanting me to fix them food or set them up with a craft or fix something that was broken or pay them attention, listen to them chatter while my head is killing me.

Now all I have to do today is corral one of the 20 pound cats I gave a tranq to this am and take him to the vet and see why he's scratched all the fur off behind one ear wonder how much this visit will cost:)

I think OR is beautiful country and I love the rain especially if you can be inside in front of a fire and crochet or work at a craft and not have to be outside in it in the winter. My sis lives in Milwaukie and as much as I complain about the heat here I couldn't deal with what you described. She also moved there by choice 15 years ago or so and hasn't had any asthma since so it's wonderful for her.

Sometimes you just gotta let it out and it feels better for doing that and sometimes you need to treat yourself to something different and you'll feel better for that too:)
Leslie

Carla

Kathy, Hope this week finds you feeling more chipper!
You may not know it but I am so greatful to you. You offered assistance and for me to e-mail you. Nearly sent the e-mail. I wrote several pages in long hand first and was about to type away, but I guess I did not want to dump my doom and gloom on you when you were trying to drop it yourself. So I never did type it up into an e-mail, (I still have the written pages.:) )but it did not matter, your encouragement gave me the strength when my doctors appointment came around to let no holes barred. It was obvious I was in a state and with recent panic attacks, which he had been aware of, that had raised my blood pressure to dangerous levels. This ended up my being hooked up to a 24 hour blood pressure monitor. Normal high blood pressure was ruled out as a result of this - I am relieved to say, and it appeared that the elevation went along with the panic attacks which also brought on an incredible urge to go asleep. (not fun when you are driving by yourself). Apparantely panic attacks and depression ofte come hand in hand, so I was heading that way for sure. Looking back now, I feel I have been depressed for a long time but guess I was in denial - certaily never really had the guts to talk about it before. Anyhow he was wonderful with me and prescribed anti-depressants and told me that I would be feeling better in time for Christmas - an how so right he was. Even better after Chrismas. I cannot believe it. Some horrible things happened with my garden stuff because of the state I was in that was very unfortunate, but I have to accept that it is just the way it is and my health is more important.

I have come this far, I may as well tell you. I think you may have seen my beautiful geraniums that I have had for many years, well We started to get them ready for winter early - a really huge job. We had worked at it for a week. Geraniums from large tubs were lifted, topped and tailed and repotted into new medium. So that that in the Spring they could be placed directly on decks and patios without being disturbed. All other Geraniums were cut back and lifted then roots cut and potted into suitable sized pots. We were just about done, not quite, another day's work I guess, so they were all sitting out of the greenhouse waiting for the next phase which was to spray them for aphids before we put them to bed for the winter. This is when I totally gave up and went into my own little shell - my movements were slow to a standstill and I walked so very slowley, then stopped. I could not care about the geraniums, my garden or anything, I had no life left in me. My husband was very good as he knew this was not normal and also new of the pending appointment, which if you remember seemed to take for ever.
Our friends came back from a trip and saw all the geraniums sitting there in the place they were before they lift. They insisted on coming one day and the four of us got stuck in finished of the geraniums (bar spraying) and we got them in the greenhous - this after three days of frost. I have to admit that they did not look good and was this a waste of our time. I still have not put my nose in there, but I can see some green topping some of the pots, so if we get half make it, I will be happy.

The other thing which I still cannot believe happened and I am wondering if it was not entirely my fault though, though I just cannot say. I put out an SOS here on the board, saying "Help my Hortio Roses have been shipped out" I got all kinds of great advice, as it was snowing at the time and I did not know which way to turn. We still did not received them for another ten days (I am pretty sure) At the time I was on the mailand gone to visit and help out my daughter and her family. She had a nasty soccer accident and broke her leg badly having to have surgery to have it screwed and a huge nail put into it she claims. Anyway when I got back The roses had arrived. Alan put them in a bucket of water in the Garden shed. Despite all the good advice I received from folk here. Anyhow - Christmas came immediately and I never could deal with the darn roses. We were busy way into January, and when I finally looked in the shed they were black as the ace of spades. So they have been frozen for sure. I am taking the blame for this, but I wonder if it was entirely my fault.
The other thing. In september I bought approx 200 bulbs for spring blooms - was pretty excited - was going to have a great garden next year. Time is going on - we are up to our eyes in a kitchen makeover but hubby checks into garden shed and a damn rat had got into it and devistated most of the bulbs - even eater, they have a three inch long green shoot on them.

Yesterday I had bladder repair surgery, so I wont be able to lift or do anything heavy for at least to weeks, so gardening is out once again. Tee-hee! it goes on, does'nt it, but you know, I am really very happy right now, we will fix up things the best we can, I have a lot to look forward to especially in April - we are just doing our kitchen up and am loving the new look, so life is finally good, and I hope it is going to be a very long time before I come of the medication.
Another thing that I do in the fall, which was never accomplished is I lift hundreds of primulas which I keep in shady beds in the summer to be placed back to their place of honour in the fall for winter and Spring. I think I could do with a whole crew this Spring to get me going again - Anyone fancy a trip to the island. Tee-hee! - Life is good here.
Love Pauline - Vancouver Island

I need to exercise everyday, but I don't want to do it in this weather. Sometimes I accomplish nothing after work, and other times, I have obligations and find the energy. The energy is there. When I do nothing, it is either mild depression or anger at the weather. At times if I will do it, I will take 20-30 minutes to run in place or around the house, run up and down the stairs, jump 30 times, etc. I rotate these, and then feel that I am at least exercising. I also feel so much better if I lift weights.

We will surely have a break in the weather before too long. I believe the name for this condition is SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)- everything has a name anymore.

I have purged my friends who make it a practice to always be negative and bring me down. I used to have casual friends who had problem after problem, and never a resolution. They would not merely describe the problem - telling me as a friend, but they would give me 15 minutes of extra details that didn't support the problem. Those people and those who instantly have a negative twist are now acquaintances or colleagues. If my school tells us we must do something, I don't mind an "oh, darn, not something else". But I hate a rage, and an attempt from some to try to protest.

I am much happier with associating with people who are optimistic.

I have written too long for this hour of the morning. We will all feel better when we can share our garden discoveries.

Sammy

That's why I have inside hobbies too. I need something to get excited about. So, I do half-@$$ home improvement projects or woodworking. Then I can walk around my house with a beer staring at the results (planning).

I know that Jan and Feb are usually the hardest months for me. I have been following the news reports about the horrible cold in the midwest and east. I just heard this morning that upstate NY may get up to 100 inches of snow! I don't think I could stand to be cooped up with temps below zero. When I hear about that weather, and of what Oklahoma just went through with freezing rain, I feel lucky. We finally got through our cold spell (only down in the teens) and it's back to the usual low 40's and raining.

One thing I learned about depression is that it isn't logical. Your life could be good or bad, but if you don't have enough seritonin (or other neurotransmitters) you'll see everything through a dark cloud. I am doing much better today than when I wrote my tirade last week. I guess I just needed to vent. Mostly I am getting through the winter ok. I use my SADlight every morning, take my vitamins and Lexapro, get exercise, and play loud music with my band boys every week. It all helps.

Sammy, I have an almost 2 year old "puppy", and I sure know about having to exercise them. Sometimes I think Freddy is the only reason I get out and walk. He makes me walk him or he drives us all nuts. He is a constant source of amusement. When the weather is too bad to get outside, I use one of those laser pointers, stand on the stairs, and he chases the "evil red dot" all around the house. A total crack up!

Harry, I think you are so smart to have a inside hobby to get you through the winter. And JB's and Midge won't eat the gorgeous wood projects you make.

I have noticed that the days are getting longer. When I walk in the morning, the sky is starting to lighten, and I actually have time to walk before dark when I get home from work. Last weekend, we had a rare break from rain and it got up to 55. It felt like the tropics. I got out and pulled some weeds and cut some blackberries. I noticed that the dafs and tulips were poking their green leaves up through the dirt. There is hope!
Hang in there everybody,
Kathy

There's gotta be a tv sitcom, or maybe a learned paper, in there...