The American Barbecue

16 years ago

How to have a true American Barbecue

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It is important to study the etiquette of this outdoor cooking ritual, as it is usually the only type of cooking a real man will do - probably because there is an element of danger involved. When a man volunteers to do the barbecue, the following chain of events is put into motion:

1. The woman buys the food.

2. The woman makes a salad, prepares vegetables, and makes dessert.

3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - beer in hand.

4. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

5. The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.

6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.

7. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

8. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.

9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

Everyone PRAISES THE MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing her.

Comments (10)

meredith_e Z7b, Piedmont of NC, 1000' elevation
16 years ago
LOL! But, judging from Dad and the DH next door, ONLY MEN CAN CHOOSE MEAT. Dunno what would happen if the woman chose the meat... but apparently it's something catastrophic!
diane_nj 6b/7a
16 years ago
THE MAN SLICES THE MEAT.

No knives for the little lady, oh no.
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carla17
16 years ago
not at this house and probably not at Hillary's house either
LOL Diane
wild_rose_of_texas
16 years ago
Pete, you old coot!
Snickers!

Allison
andrewlina
16 years ago
DON'T GET ME STARTED PETE!
kathwhit
16 years ago
Ha ha ha ha ha! That is exactly the way it goes at my house!
K
Molineux
16 years ago
I sometimes wonder what would happen if the man actually did do the cooking AND all the prep work? I can say from practical experience that when a man does stray into female "territory" the reaction he gets isn't always positive. Reread Pete's story and ask yourself who really is in control of the situation because it clearly isn't the person drinking the beer and burning the meat.

Snicker...
mjsee
16 years ago
Not at my house--I'm the griller. DH sets the table. AND does the dishes...though I do all the cooking.

Oh, and I grill on REAL charcoal (none of this briquets stuff) in a Weber. No lighter fluid--a single piece of newspaper and a charcoal chimney.

Yeah, I'm hard core. AND a grilling snob!

melanie
kittymoonbeam
16 years ago
In my family it goes much the same except that when we get together, I build the fire and say "it's ready" about 6 times and then Mom will tell Dad to go out and watch the meat. Everything else is the same except my sister and I do the dishes because Mom and Dad are on the couch watching a DVD. I suggest everyone puts their own meat on a skewer and cooks their own. It's more fun anyway. The only answer for not having to do a big cleanup is a trash can and paper plates and send the leftover potato salad home with auntie sunshine.

Seriously, I really hate doing all the work myself and I get grouchy if everyone leaves it to me. I grew up seeing my Mom,both Grandmothers and all of my friends' mothers do all the donkey work while the guys sat and talked and had a great time. I love to spoil my relatives with a good time, and it seems to be that if you want to be a gracious hostess, you end up doing all the chores yourself.
I don't know what the answer is and I hate to nag my boyfriend to pitch in when he's happy laughing and talking with friends or family. Why don't most guys pick up on this- I'm too poor to hire people to cater my holiday BBQ so I can relax!
meredith_e Z7b, Piedmont of NC, 1000' elevation
16 years ago
I would seriously be embarrassed if my gender were known for sitting on the couch while folks were working and it were overwhelmingly true... OK I said it ;]

My Grandfather - the only one alive while I was a kid - would always manage the cooking, although both grandparents cooked together. I thought cooking was very manly and that my Dad was just a lazybutt. I don't know if it's a Native American thing that he cooked or not [or Scotch-Irish but I doubt that], but they were his family's recipes. He was not a modern man, so I know he didn't do it out of gender fairness, lol!

More likely control over how things are done, like Patrick alluded to.