I've been lurking regularly on the rose and Antique Rose forum for many years, so long I feel I know many of you, but I've never logged on because I REALLY don't have time to post, even on such an excellent resource for roses! Still, I'd like to join the discussions now and then, and I thought I'd offer the following poem as a way of introducing myself. Given that we seem to be having an early spring all over the country, this seemed to reflect the attitudes of many of us who consider ourselves rose addicts, particularly in the cold zones.

With apologies to the good Dr. Seuss, and the grudging admission that most of the following is based on real life, here's my take on "How the Grinch Stole Early Spring".

Cynthia
Zone 5 Nebraska
Who just finished uncovering her 700+ roses (it's really not hard), fully three weeks before they SHOULD be ready to wake up,
because you can't fight Nature and well...roses will be roses.

How the Grinch Stole Early Spring

Every Who in zone 5 liked early spring a lot
But the Grinch, who had hundreds of roses, did not.
The Grinch HATED it early, though she liked the season
And any Rose Lover could tell you the reason.
It could be the fact that the snows had stopped snowing
Or her serious allergies to anything growing
It could be the fact that she'd turned a bit old
But mostly her garden was two zones too cold.

But whatever the reason, her nose or the zones
She shook in her boots and felt in her bones
That even if wanting the spring to come faster
The ending would be a complete rose disaster.
For she knew if the roses began to emerge
Some blizzard would start in mid-April to surge
And kill all the sprouts and the leaves and the buds
And leave her with nothing but dead canes and mud.

So she stood in her garden and snarled at the breeze
That even late fall was refusing to freeze
And muttered a vow that was daunting and numbing,
"I must find a way to stop early spring coming!"
Or by March all those utterly foolish high-centered
Or quartered or purple or blissfully scented
Floribundas and Hybrids and roses imported
Would cruelly find their emergence aborted.

And they'd wake and be helpless in changeable climate
For roses were simply too stupid to time it
But even much worse than a dead "Gloire de Ducher"
The Grinch was an unrepentant zone-pusher.
"Oh, my Red Intuition, and little Nigrettes
"Nostalgie, Blue Nile, and the noise-noise-Noisettes!"
And far weaker than Hybrids, in face of a freeze,
The Grinch, in zone 5, had four-year-old TEAS!

And the more the Grinch thought of the weather unjust
The more that she knew that she could and she must
Consider a plan to avoid the thing now
"I must stop early spring coming, but HOW?"

Then she got an idea, a conflicted idea,
A completely insane rose-addicted idea!

"I know just what to do", the Grinch chortled and chuffed,
"In December, the roses will need to be stuffed
"In between all the crevices, nooks and the crannies
"With bundles of leaves - I'll protect their weak fannies!"
And she knew that this plan was both cunning and bold,
For she'd not keep them warm but instead keep them COLD
And to guard against canker and mice that might hose 'em
She'd place the leaf bags when the ground's fully frozen.

"All I need are some leaves," and the Grinch looked around
There seemed to be plenty of leaves on the ground.
But considering all of those hundreds of roses,
The leaves that she had barely covered their toeses.
"If I don't have the leaves, well I'll dare to approach
"And scour the curbsides for leaf bags to poach."
Then asking her DH to borrow his truck,
He murmured "Yes, dear", with a doubtful, "Good luck".

So she gathered leaf bags, and she started to store,
A hundred, two hundred, and constantly more
Until what used to be vegetable beds
Were loaded with leaf bags much higher than heads.
Then once she was sure she had much more than plenty
She waited till temperatures didn't reach twenty
And bundling up as it started to snow,
"The timing", she said, "Is the first thing to know."

The winds were relentless, the temp was near zero,
And the Grinch faced it all thinking she was a hero.
"I'm coming, Souvenir de la Malmaison, don't croak!"
Ignoring her Quadra, who tended to poke,
"I've got your down coat, made entirely of leaves
"So spring will not get you, if you just believe
"That cold is forever - these blankets will keep
"Your frozen roots solid, your branches asleep."

Oh, the leaf bags she hauled and then sliced and then plopped
Then stuffed between roses till she nearly dropped
"Ha, spring will NOT come, I can do as I please!
"And now!" grinned the Grinch, "I will stuff up the Teas!"

But while she was chortling her Grinchy assurance
And placing leaf bags for this winter insurance
She heard a wee sound, barely heard through her muffs
As if from a squirrel or handful of doves
And pausing at rose number 492
She saw little Rose Who, who had no more than two.

For Rose, as her neighbor, had watched the whole scene
And wondered at what this could possibly mean
So she stared at the Grinch, and she simply asked, "Why?
"Why are you making this mess?" she said. "Why?"
But you know, that old Grinch was so simply obsessed
That she didn't know why her friend Rose hadn't guessed.
"Why, I HAVE to protect every rose in the yard
"I've almost no frostbite, it's really not hard!"

And eyes glazing over, poor Rose backed away
Content with her Knockouts and cafe au lait.
Then the Grinch took the last of the bags with relief
And covered the last of the roses with leaves.
She chortled with glee, and she laughed at the weather
"This time," crowed the Grinch, "my act is together.
"No thaws or surprise or wild temperature swings
"Will damage my roses - take THAT early spring!"

So confident then, as March was beginning
She checked the rose bottoms quite sure she was winning
"There won't be a sign - they'll still think it's December
"They're just foolish roses, no way they'll remember
"They'll still be asleep! I know just what they'll do
"They'll be perfectly dormant and I'll yell WOO-HOO!
"That's a sight", said the Grinch, "that I simply must see!"
So she pulled back the leaves, but then - what could it be?

For there underneath all the piles of debris
The roses were budding and sprouting with glee
She hadn't stopped early spring, no not a bit
Day length and the temperature couldn't be quit
And she puzzled and puzzled, "How could it be so?
"It came through the leaf bags, it came through the snow!"
Then the Grinch thought of something, her lip slowly chewing
"Maybe roses", she said, "sort of know what they're doing!"

So she pulled back the leaves, and pruned the dead branches
And realized that every rose takes its own chances.
Except for succumbing to bitterest cold
Most roses refuse to behave as they're told.
Now the roses that flourished in Grinch's new garden
Didn't need much protection, they seemed to be hardened
From years of no spray and July without water
They grew when it's colder, they grew when it's hotter
And she learned that most of the roses that quittest
Were simply results of "survival of fittest".
"Let roses be roses, and do as they please!"
And she, yes the Grinch, she uncovered the Teas.

Thanks for that amazing post, it made my morning. Brilliant!

cheers,
robert

I had to take off the top layers of leaves and expose the pots this week. When I stuck a thermometer in there it was up over 90 degrees. I don't just have buds any more but full leaves on a lot of them, lol. Welcome Spring!

Kate

Harmonyp, I'm honored that this posting ranks as so delightful in your book, but I've benefited from all the truly informative posts from all of you over the years. Many of the roses in my yard are there because of the recommendations and photos from all of you on GW, particularly Beth's photos(I turn to her photos on HMF more than any others to judge the real colors and appearance of roses, at least at their best). I don't think we should read this poem to our kids or novices, however, as it's a tad discouraging (even without the frostbite). My kids look at me dragging myself inside at twilight, bleeding profusely and dressed like a particularly scruffy bag lady, and for some reason they don't seem as excited as I am about growing roses! Fortunately they love the homegrown fruits and vegetables, so there's hope for them as gardeners some day!

Happy pruning, with fingers crossed for no late frosts
Cynthia

It's funny how nutty the neighbors think we are! My poor husband rolling (on the dolly) huge pots (roses, natch) into the garage from the back yard. I have about 50 roses in very large pots. He says it's exercise, and he likes to exercise. But the year before - he had to roll them through a foot of snow. This year, we moved them all onto our driveway early so that they wouldn't be trapped by all that white stuff. LOL

Carol

I absolutely love your reworking of the Grinch for early spring and was thinking you may need to tackle the Lorax next, as global climate change causes us to constantly recalculate the way the world works and our roses grow