I finally broke down and bought a plant at Annie's Annuals retail store in Richmond, CA: Nassella laevissima "Golden Hair Grass". It really does look like hair--see photo below and link to Annie's site at the bottom.

My plant has seed on it. That's the first question--how to tell if it's mature, and how to harvest it. Of course my bigger question is how to get it to germinate. Many sources say it doesn't reseed, and is not invasive (unlike other non-native grasses, and other members of its genus). One scientific paper reported something like 4% germination after 180 days (recalling from memory). Surely there's a better way.

Although I'd like to find a serious solution to the problem, I realize this is both a beautiful and silly-looking plant. Amusing responses are also encouraged...