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Compost Limericks...

Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
Wed, Jun 23, 10 at 18:08

Compost Haiku? Very good! How about compost limericks (OK, keep it clean, evenly balanced and oxygenated, now!)?

The junk that most gardeners waste
And toss in the trash with such haste
Can do so much good,
Is so misunderstood
That in Hades their gardens should baste.

To those that ignore things organic,
The environment is never a panic.
When they cant get their food
Theyll get rather rude!
Composters will be rather manic.

hortster


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Compost Limericks...

I'm willing ... but rhyme-challenged. Found a 'how to' site and will give it a go.

Here is a link that might be useful: How to write a limerick


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a man from out west
Whose compost, 'tis said was the best
Effluvia of steer
Dregs from making of beer
But I'll dare never tell all the rest.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

When hardwork calls I roll up my sleeves,
I ask my neighbors for all of their leaves,
With greens do I fold,
What comes out looks like gold,
I am more Super than Christopher Reeves.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a composter from California
Who fed her hired hands nothing but trash
Not to worry, such trash is microbial goulash
They munch away with no trace of acrimonia


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There was once was a lass from Maine
Who looked upon bread with disdain,
She would worry, she would fret
But even though not vain
She can't get Lloyd to spell it "wacko' yet


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Helpful advice: some of y'all need to look at your limerick structure and rhyming. It's A-A-B-B-A, the B's being shorter lines.

Anyhoo:

There once was a man from Tibet
Who'd turn, and water, and fret
With manure of yak
He had quite a knack
Himalayan humus, the best you can get


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RE: Compost Limericks...

The Dalai Lama, it's said, had a heap
Of tea leaves and such, six feet deep
All the monks were appalled
When he climbed up the wall
Said a prayer, and then took a leap.

Said the Dalai as he flew toward the midden
"Goodbye, farewell I am biddin'
To a world full of strife
Let me rot and give life
Farewell, cruel world, and good ridden!"

"You won't be rid of me, I predicate,"
Said he, "To justice I shall dedicate.
Evildoers, take heed:
I'll come back as a weed
One that's prickly and hard to eradicate!"


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Thu, Jun 24, 10 at 17:57

I've heard there's a guy in New York
who's a master at wielding his fork.
He turned his pile ever faster
until a compost disaster -
exploded by excess of torque.

Claire


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Thu, Jun 24, 10 at 20:13

Anaerobics not good so they say,
When the neighbor is having his way.
When the pile becomes ripe,
You must turneth the tripe,
Or the City might maketh you pay.

hortster


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Oh, this is fun.

My piles, they all seem to rot
Whether I turn them or not
But I think its a dream
To see them all steam
That's why I keep most of them hot.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Success in the garden, its said
Begins with your soil being fed
But diet is hard
When you're doing low-carb,
So please just the kelp, hold the bread.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who composted fish in a bucket.
He favored crustaceans
But clams tried his patience:
"If this shell wun't so hahd, I could shuck it!"


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RE: Compost Limericks...

its not often that photos of piles
are admired for thousands of miles
but on this forum,
it's the height of decorum
and we envy the 'poster his wiles


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RE: Limericks...

An Irish lass from New Orleans
Had too few browns and too many greens.
Her suitor, 'tis said
Brought her sawdust in bed
Now a steamy romance is that colleen's!


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RE: CompostLimericks...

A fickle young maiden in Kansas
Composted iris, petunias, and pansies,
Prim forget-me-nots,
Sweet peppers in pots,
And love letters from old romances!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

in NZ theres no earthly reason
to not compost in every season
if I was to not
I'd start losing the plot
I'm glad theres no issue with freezin'!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

An earnest Australian named Roy
Mixed bokashi with fermented soy,
Stirred in mycorrhizae
Then said, "Take it easy
My tea will make gardening a joy!"


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Holy cow, you people are funny! I think I like nygardener's the best... ;-]

There once was a girl from Darjeeling
Who had some peculiar peelings
Like birds they did float
So she fetched a big tote
And made compost up on the ceiling!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A composter living in Orange

Nuts!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A baker, 'fore asking this forum,
exercising the proper decorum,
first searched for a thread
on his subject, (gasp!) bread.
What he found made him truly abhor 'em.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Fri, Jun 25, 10 at 18:33

OK, the thread may be biodegrading a bit here, but...

There once was a fellow named Lyle
Who napped quite a bit on his pile.
One day he got up,
His face brightened up
And he said, "This is posting in style!"

hortster


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There's no better place found online
Where people dish dirt all the time
Where the best kind of scoop
Is scoring free poop
And folks stir the cr*p to unwind.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a group of real wackos
Who used only chewing tobaccos.
So often they'd spit
In their composting pit
That their pile needed turning with backhoes!


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RE: Compost Limerickss...

For one group of folks on the Web,
Compost flowed, but it never did ebb.
So very mature
Were their piles of manure
That they steamed from May straight through to Feb!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Mr. Green showed his wife his new bin.
Too excited, they both stumbled in.
A neighbor heard screams,
shouted "Ill help the Greens,"
added browns, and in a year tilled them in.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Leaves, grass, cardboard, or old roast,
Straw, or paper (but not toast).
I'm mad as a hatter,
For organic matter
To rot. It all leads back to compost.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A composting deacon from Orange
For his bin swiped the church's brass door hinge.
When he swung the bin open
To toss the old Pope in
He exclaimed, "Sohn, that's my hinge, not your hinge!"


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RE: CompostLimericks...

Instead of tending his loams,
One gardener sat writing poems.
He forgot his plants' needs
Let them all grow to weeds
To send doggerel to GardenWeb Fo'ums!

And on that note, I'm off to tend my beds before dark. Happy summer, everyone!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Fri, Jun 25, 10 at 21:24

I must thank luckygal and sylviatexas for the "Haiku" thread, which was the inspiration for this one. Of all the threads that I have entered, this has been the most fun and laughs. Ya'll are intelligent and creative! Have fun!
hortster


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Have you hugged your compost today?
Have you kept the planaria at bay?
If you've heeded the post
About composting toast
Then you, forum member, may stay.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Whose compost tis said brought good lucket.
Good gardeners found need,
as they planted their seed,
to use the rich mix by the bucket.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Just one more...
It's winter: the worst ever, i bet
For a month i've not seen the sun set
While rain drips through the ceiling
I find myself kneeling
Outside, concerned that my compost's too wet


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a man from Nantucket
who liked to Compost in Buckets
His wife said he was mean
When he declared her dog was a green
but now it turns out,he's a prophet ;-)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

An addled backpacker named Dave
Tried to compost two bears in a cave.
His last words: "But you're browns!"
(Here your narrator frowns)
Not a wise man, but certainly brave.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by pt03 3 Southern Manitoba (My Page) on
    Sat, Jun 26, 10 at 23:27

There once was a farmer from Man.
Who went to the town with a plan,
"Send me your yard waste,
I'll treat it in all haste"
Now he wishes he had some more land!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

If composting things that disgust you,
Leads neighbors and friends to distrust you,
By every means,
Explain browns and greens,
Or the town may rally and bust you.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a transplant to 'Bama
When arrested, explained with a stammah
"Surely those who steal leaves
Are no ordinary thieves"
But they still threw her into the slammah.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Emmett Brown, the time travel professor
Built a composter a lot less messier
the Flux Capacitor thing
Brought his pile back from next spring
and made cold compost in a minute or lesser!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

We recovering composters say
we're done mixing leaves, grass, and hay.
Friends take it in stride
when flashbacks arrive--
"Hey, don't throw that away!"


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RE: Composting Limericks....

At Starbucks two composters fought
over coffee grounds fresh from the pot.
After punches and shouts
they both were kicked out.
Now how will their piles get hot?


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Tue, Jun 29, 10 at 20:47

Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden
didn't need compost and didn't need weedin'.
Along came the Snake
and sold them a rake.
Cast out, they have to do all God's seedin'.

Claire


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A wacko broke into the zoo
looking for exotic poo.
Preferring well-aged
from animals caged,
he finally gave up and took gnu.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Impatient new composters pay
for tumblers and such on ebay.
After turning and yearning,
they're finally learning
that loam wasn't built in a day.

(with a nod to byron)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by pt03 3 Southern Manitoba (My Page) on
    Wed, Jun 30, 10 at 20:16

There once was a 'poster named Lloyd,
who often made people annoyed.
But he still comes around
like an unwanted hound,
and some say he's one to a-void.

;-)

Lloyd


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Wed, Jun 30, 10 at 21:31

Although this thread's getting stale,
The compost check's in the mail.
Although it's ripe presently,
I can say most unhesitantly
It will be quite sweet without fail.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Thu, Jul 1, 10 at 17:05

I struggled the haiku to learn,
then the limerick came in its turn.
What's in line next?
A hundred pages of text?
My brain is starting to burn.

Claire


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Thu, Jul 1, 10 at 21:45

To claire:

This thread has gone down the road.
It is time for the limeric to fold.
After many of haiku
And those much alike, too
It is time for the composting ode?

PS: I sure ain't gonna start it! Brain has become flatulent. Fingers are tired. Compost is topmost!
hortster


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Heres one for Independence Day.

In the course of garden events
Browns and greens are found equal, hence
They give up their all
In pursuit, spring to fall,
Of compost, the happy self-evidence


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A greedy son, first by his birth
asked his dad what his compost was worth.
Dad replied "not so fast,
or you'll wind up last.
For the meek shall inherit the earth!"


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was an ancient composter
Whose compost was oh so cold, sir
But her heart it is warm
For her earthweb swarm
Turn or not, stir or no stir


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Here is more information about compost limerick's.


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RE: CompostLimericks...

Speakin' of gardenin' fo'ums ...


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A naive young gardener named Cora
thought this site would improve all her flora.
Instead of composting tips
she found poems and quips.
Now she spends her time on other fora.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Young Cora is not so naive
As her worried elders might believe.
When she mouses and clicks
On "Compost Limericks"
It's poems that she wants to retrieve.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Though she might appreciate rhymes,
Cora's true goal was more browns to find.
After poems were read,
she'd print them and shred,
and balanced her pile in no time.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

(schreber_gaertner!!! Look how clever you are!)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

T'was diligent composter Ted
Assiduously feeding the bread
To planaria species
Amongst the horse feces
mixed with paper so carefully shred


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Noncomposters might think it absurd
that the color line's so often blurred.
Both yellow ureen
and brown coffee grounds green?
It matters not to the blind microherd.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

We wackos have a feel for the land
that sane folks just don't understand:
like collecting filth
for improving tilth,
or the warmth of the pile on your hand.

Sorry to keep adding to this pile. I hope I run out eventually!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

OK, two of my worst, which I've managed to restrain myself from posting until now:

A farmer who lived in Dubuque
Made her compost from nothing but puke.
Her neighbors, alarmed,
Left a note where she farmed
With a stern (although tactful) rebuke.

The chef of a Baltimore resto
Made composted eels into pesto.
They flocked in to try it
The Baltimore Diet
Now the resto is listed in Best O'!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Love it, NY! I think I've gone off the deep end, help!!!

The soil scientists tend to play
with acronyms like NPK.
Don't forget ol' Monsanto
with the dreaded GMO.
We'll take plain OM any day.


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RE: Composting Limericks

A group of bored composters took
too long with poems 'til one said "look,
we must not abandon
the earth that we plant in,
or we'll just end up writing a book."


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RE: Compost Limericks...

With apologies to Ogden Nash:

Poet,
Grow it!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Fri, Jul 16, 10 at 23:15

The hortster, who started this thread,
Is beginning to wish he was dead!
Although these've been clever,
It's to pulleth the lever
And back to Haiku, instead!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

An old lawyer of some renown
worked with compost to keep his stress level down.
When he ran out of leafs,
he shredded his briefs.
(He found them the best source for brown.)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

It cracks me that the OP (Hortster) would even imply that us innocent little O'le composters would even think of a naughty limerick.

there once was a girl from reno
who made compost with tickes of kino
but made such a mess
with uera from bess
is now band from the local casino

James


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Sun, Jul 18, 10 at 16:58

Ah, hortster, my limerick loving friend,
you can't just will a good thread to an end.
It takes on a life of its own;
this is the seed you have sown,
and you can only hope that none will offend.

Claire


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A whacko across the Atlantic
Was getting increasingly frantic
A limericks a doddle
It should rhyme like this model
Signed Flora, amused and pedantic


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Oh Flora UK, please don't cry, ma'am.
No one's more pedantic than I am.
When it comes to poems
about compost and loams,
I prefer anapests over iambs.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Hi schreber, your name makes me curious
Are you German or is that just spurious?
Umlauts dont work on line
But AE will do fine
By the way, I am not really furious.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

No, German's not my mother tongue,
though I learned it while still rather young.
Umlauts work fine,
even on line,
bt switching the keybrd's n fn.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

The fault's largely mine, it is true.
But I'm cursed and don't know what to do.
I truly can't wait
for that glorious date
when this link finally drops to page 2.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

When does it end? You are curious?
This thread that's by no means penurious
Why, when browns become green
The stars no longer seen
And the Cubs finally win the World Serious


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RE: Compost Limericks...

There is a fine lady in Maine
Erudite, funny and sane
Loves her hens and her dog
But she cannot stand sog
Such as b***d thats left out in the rain.

(But where is she when we're having so much fun?)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Wed, Jul 21, 10 at 21:27

Toxcrusader, hasnt cost me a thing
To my gardenweb moniker hang
My love for the Cubbies
Aint as much as the rubbish
That my compost piles forth bring.

[PS: had to look up "penurious"! You must be a sesquipedalian?]
hortster


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RE: Compost Limericks...

An erudite gardening Canadian
With long words would typically weigh in
With decomposition, aerobic
And exchange capacity, humic
A composting sesquipedalian!

Except that Im not at all from Canada, it just rhymed. ;-]


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RE: Compost Limericks...

This long thread was started by hortster,
A fair gentle bulletin boardster.
If only he knew
The foul witches' brew
That gardeners bored out of their gourd stir!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by pt03 3 Southern Manitoba (My Page) on
    Thu, Jul 22, 10 at 14:03

A thread maxes out at one fifty,
to get there would be cool and nifty.
We'd have little trouble
to make it go double,
so for now we'll just have to be thrifty.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A gardener known for austerity,
in his will showed surprising temerity.
He bequeathed no cash,
but wanted his ash
composted for all of posterity.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

His shocked heirs then met with the lawyer,
convinced one of them was the spoiler.
They id'd the cheat
by the dirt on her feet,
and, incensed, hatched a vile plan to foil her.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Thu, Jul 22, 10 at 16:44

I expected to learn about worms,
and the Soil Food Web and its germs,
But never did I dream
and sometimes want to scream,
I'd be googling poetical terms.

Claire


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Composting Limericks

The group set a trap for their sister
with something she couldnt resist. Her
weakness they knew
was straw mixed with poo.
As a lure it would no doubt enlist her.

On the day that dad's ashes were dumped
the mean groups emotions were pumped.
They each took their turn
scooping out from the urn,
aimed their shovels at sister and thumped.

She survived, though, to their great dismay,
revived herself and ran away.
She snuck back in a while
to retrieve the pile,
and used it in a very big way.

Her pumpkin now grew with dads care.
She entered it in the state fair.
The judges adored
the thousand-pound gourd.
With the winnings shes now a rich heir.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Wasting hours on poems this week,
I offered my family a peek.
They quickly detected
what they'd always suspected.
Dad's an embarrassing composting geek.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Oh Schreber, I am a great klutz!
Its astonishing how the mind shuts
Itself down when on email.
I assumed you were female,
But now I discover youve got nuts!

(Not to mention a vivid imagination)


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RE: Composting Limericks...

Oh, Flora, your post made me grin.
Your error of course is no sin.
You may not have known,
with no Y chromosome,
my name would've been "Gaertnerin."


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RE: Composting Limericks...

As a group, compost wackos are witty.
When they're not wasting time on a ditty,
they're out in the yard
with their forks working hard,
making sure that their pile's good and--


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A visitor here came to see
information on composting pee.
We told him "don't worry
or be in a hurry.
Don't forget IALBTC."

(Man, I've got to get back to work!)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

I've got to give poems a rest.
I'll try to abstain as a test.
...
...
Nope, it's now clear I'm obsessed.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Thu, Jul 22, 10 at 20:52

Now, now, you must call it a day,
time to work and forget about play.
If you don't it is true
they'll be coming for you,
they're coming to take you away.

Claire


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Thu, Jul 22, 10 at 21:00

Its obvious that I must have slipped;
To new lows this thread has now dipped.
Schreber has lost it -
Claire and Flora have tossed it
To a deepening aerobic crypt.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

My husband declares it a crime
I now spend my gardening time
On my hands and knees
Weeding the peas
Talking to myself in rhyme


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Hortster, youre right, its ill bred
To lower the tone of a thread
But Im over the sea
Where you cannot catch me
So I write what comes into my head.

Schreber, I just failed to spot
That after your name there was not
An - in for a girl
Which makes my toes curl
As Deutschlehrerin's my lifes lot.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Es tut mir sehr leid, liebe Flora.
Ich mu einfach sagen, "keine Sorge".
Ob Bub' oder "gal"
ist mir scheiegal.
Im Netz kann ich ein Geschlecht borge'


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Now I am totally floored,
I can only gasp and applaud.
Who could compete
With your Teutonic feat?
And my compost is getting ignored.


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RE: Composting Limericks...

So long on these poems did I spend,
that it caused my coworkers to send
my boss (who's a jerk)
to say "get back to work!"
I'll comply--on his checks I depend.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

What? Youre writing all these at your work place?
You should be ashamed with a red face.
I write every 'pome'
On my keyboard at home
And I fear I cant keep up the pace.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Fri, Jul 23, 10 at 19:39

You both are obsessive-compulsive!
This threads far, far from repulsive.
I've nipped at your heels,
To lessen the squeals,
But my laughters become quite convulsive!


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Compared to browns greens or rhymed words,
my day job seems almost absurd.
It's true I'm distracted
and my work is impacted,
when I'd rather be shoveling turds.


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RE: Composting Limericks...

Two chefs who composted once argued
over which animal they barbecued.
The taste of the flesh
mattered much less
than the quality of what would be poo'd.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Fri, Jul 23, 10 at 20:14

The web will be glad when were done
Having strange/crazy limerick fun.
But it isnt so crazy
Thinking of micorhizzae
When our poems tout organic puns.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

A gardener who grew marijuano
perfected a mixture of guano
that perked up his crops
and attracted the cops.
I'd try it, except I don't wanno.


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Onward and upward

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Fri, Jul 23, 10 at 20:45

pt03 says the max is 150!
Ain't seen it but sounds rather iffy.
Why not re-expound
And "boor" those around
Until this thread's quite dead and stiffy?


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RE: Compost Limericks...

I worry about this new vice
Sending off rhymes not quite nice
Ive developed bad habits
Limericks breed like rabbits
When should I put them on ice?


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RE: Compost Limericks...

Schreber, and all you other compost poets - just a quick goodbye for a while.

School is now out for some time
So youd think Id have leisure to rhyme
But Im going away
For a nice holiday
Or vacation you'd say in your clime.

Enjoy the rest of the summer, Flora.


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RE: Compost Limericks...

(OK, the dry spell is over)

"Never use seedy greens without heating"
is advice that is well worth repeating.
'Stead I'm weeding and weeding,
and weeding and weeding,
and weeding and weeding and weeding.

(Can you guess what I was doing when this inspiration hit?)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by pt03 3 Southern Manitoba (My Page) on
    Fri, Aug 6, 10 at 8:32

Laundry?

;-)


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RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Fri, Aug 6, 10 at 12:01

So the thread had slipped off of the page,
and we thought it was the end the Age.
But schreber couldn't resist
a new limerick to list,
Now it's entering a scary new stage.

Claire


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was an Internet forum
That observed the most lovely decorum.
Then a limerick thread started,
The members departed,
And soon there was barely a quorum.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

I'd learned compost helps with fertility
and enhances one's gard'ning ability.
But when friends saw what I grew
and the limericks, too,
they started to doubt my virility.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

I can't blame my friends who demean me.
A male gardening poet's unseemly.
But they'll soon shut their mouths,
and abandon all doubts,
when they see my enormous zucchini.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

My Momma done tole me
To avoid jokes about fertility
But she was neither gardener nor 'poster
So I'll just ignore her
BTW, best bury huge zukes in 'post debris

///
I know this is lame ... but hope others will say...'hey, I can do better than that', and this entertaining thread will continue.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was A man named fred.
who composted his wife that was dead
when the cops beat the door
he will compost no more
they through him in jail in stead.

I compost in bins lined in 3
the neighbor stands laughing at me
while I toil and turn
he piles to burn
but my garden out produces HeHE!

there once was a composter named Lloyd
with yard deco he tinkered and toyed
with a beer in hand
and project well planned
his contraptions were quickly deployed

(Me) yard deco, good stuff!
(Wife) junk!


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Mon, Aug 9, 10 at 16:13

Every time this thread dies down to dusto
And the keyboards are starting to rusto,
There comes a composter that
Pulls back this dead ghoster
Then stirs the pile up with more gusto.

Thirty-sevens a number quite prime
(The posts that are yet left to rhyme).
pt says one-fifty
Might close this thread swiftly
And a re-start, methinks, is a crime.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

36 is the number so fair
web masters love rhyme! (Oh contraire)
we will go back to are bins
with big wide grins
for neglected compost!(beware).

James


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Tue, Aug 10, 10 at 16:15

I think this will be thirty-five
that's keeping these limericks alive.
When we reach the countdown
we can all go to town
as busy as bees in a hive.

Claire


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Hamlet [Act 111, Scene IV]
And do not spread the compost on the weeds, To make them ranker.

Heed Shakespear's sage advice
Even from a mad character's device
Because Hamlet was insanely angry
He warned his Mom with suggestive imagry
An obvious threat, and not very nice


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

spreading some compost on your weeds
could double your greens ror your compost needs
some say why
have weeds to the sky
for it is best on your vegetable seeds

the city is just 1 block away
that is best,Ido have to say
the Doogooders holler
try to fine me a doller
they can cite,but can't make me pay

from yard deco I do erect
head frames for tomato project
they look like hell
but work quite well
so I shall move on to another subject

PS if you build your tomato sopports strong enough
you can always pull an engine in the off season.

James


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Oh, where is our Flora U.K.?
Seems like ages since she went away.
Can she care for her piles
from across many miles?
Or, ignored, will they fail to decay?


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

You folks are very clever! I've been laughing so hard, I have tears running down my face!

Sorry, no limerick. I'm not that talented-

Deanna


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

This bloody limerick thread
just won't get out of my head!
I tried to ignore it
but there's nothing for it
but to write one. Or so it is said.

There, I wrote one! But is one enough?
I can't write much more of this stuff.
I'll try to write three
and then we will see
if they sound a bit too off the cuff.

So now please can I have some respite?
My muse is getting contrite!
Becoming a bard
is awfully hard
and I ain't got no clue what to write...


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Schreber, its lovely to hear
That you're wondering when I'll appear
Again on this thread
But as already said
Ive had two weeks of hols. Is that clear?

As it happens Im back for one day
Before I again go away
This time its hiking
And much to my liking
But the gardens a mess, I must say.

I quickly went down there today.
The piles showed delicious decay
But the zucs were stonkers
The beans had gone bonkers
For the harvest has suffered delay.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

My compost pile is on a field of clay,
A field Id swap any good day.
Everything I dump is organic matter
But it looks as if its all a tatter.
Hope springs eternal someday itll pay.

If I turn and turn will it heat up?
Or pour it a beer or pee from a pup?
All I want is black gold
Before Im too old
And blest soil for my veggies to sup.

Someone led me to this link,
Sure hope I dont stink.
Just really want good compost
Took a chance, thought Id post
Off I go, best to all, wink, wink.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Seems composting work's never done,
and poetry's getting ho-hum.
So I got off my rump,
gave this thread a bump.
Now it's where it belongs--on page 1.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

My wife begged so long for a horse,
that I thought it would lead to divorce.
But I swallowed my pride,
so she gets to ride.
(And I get the manure, of course!)


 o
RE: Composting Limericks...

I should have known better than to
compromise and drop my guard, too.
My wife was "so sure"
I still wanted manure
that our horsey count now stands at two.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

2 ponies is great for green hoarders.
But today we got 2 more as boarders!
The size of my piles
can be seen now for miles.
(And the smell is attracting reporters.)


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Kitchen scraps, sawdust, and straw,
vegetables, both cooked and raw,
fish tails and heads,
and (shhh!) even breads,
go into my bin's gaping maw.

My bin is by no measure picky.
It eats anything, fresh or icky.
My friends, young and old
ask about my black gold.
I tell them "just try, it's not tricky."


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by don_b 9/10 So Cal (My Page) on
    Tue, Aug 31, 10 at 16:46

Oh no, Schreber's at it again!
Why can't he just stay with his bin?
Instead of wasting our time
showing off with his rhymes.
If we're lucky, the worms'll do him in!


 o
RE: Composting Limericks...

I have a confession to make.
The name "don b" was a fake.
I discovered that old one
from way back in '01.
Now everyone knows I'm a flake.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Today in the gardens I have seen a toad and my trusty garter snake....hope it moves down to the sweetpotato row.

Anyway I am reminded of my very first written poem. It was an assignment in 2nd grade and I still remember it:

I saw a toad
going down the road.
He seemed to say,
"You go the other way."


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Wed, Sep 1, 10 at 13:45

There's a hurricane coming named Earl,
that may give my compost a twirl.
Category 4, 2 or 3,
or a near miss it could be.
A PITA is H. Earl!

Claire


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

All the garden beds now are turned under
In the distance are rumbles of thunder.
The wind, icy and keen,
Will freeze both brown and green
And scatter the leaves that we plunder!


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

In SoCal we compost year-round.
The effect on the garden's profound.
But a nice winter break
from the fork and the rake
would be good--and my back could rebound.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Mon, Nov 15, 10 at 20:41

It's not too cold yet on the coast,
and I've only got half-done compost,
But wintry winds are ahead
and I must soon start to spread
or all of my plants will be toast!

Claire


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Like a wraith from the ranks of undead
It raises its mouldering head
In gloomy November
Composters remember
That unkillable limerick thread


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a lady named Gay
In her compost she always did lay
When the sun would shine
And a tall glass of wine
She would dream of scoring more hay

There once was a man named ted
who composted behind a big shed
when his gal said I do
he shouted Woo Hoo
And thats were the couple was wed


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

An aspiring young Princess named Kate
Dug a garden that hadn't a Gate.
To banish her Fauna,
She sowed belladonna.
Now her Flora are truly first-rate.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

The brutal SoCal winter's nifty.
Our winter wardrobe can be thrifty.
No shorts and no tan
for those two weeks in Jan.
when the temp. (brrr!) gets down close to fifty.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

NY, I can't rhyme the word 'fauna'
With a word that for me goes like 'corner'
Over here 'belladonna'
Sounds like the name 'Connor'
It's all down to where you were born - ah.

(Clever type faces - how do you do that?)


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A, southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Thu, Nov 18, 10 at 17:25

As the season of autumn now passes,
Our piles just get leaves and no grasses.
So, away from the bin
The rhymes must begin.
(We ‘posters get bored on our azzez.)


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Stocked her pond with piranha?


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Make that ...

She stood out in her Sauna.

(With thanks to daguvanah!)


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Thanksgiving Day is upon us
and we composters get a huge bonus.
When the feasting is done
it's just as much fun
watching leftovers turn into humus.

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Notwithstanding his fondness for fonts,
NYG toned them down for the nonce.
"Although my lilacs
Look great in italics,
Ariel does quite well for my plants."

Up north, where the weather is cold,
One gardener resolved to be bold.
He constructed a greenhouse
With the climate of Venus
And grew flowers of deep blue and gold.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

One fine day in May (or was it June?),
A composter struck up a tune.
"Such fine tidbits I'll
Toss in my pile
That my plants will grow over the moon!"


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

There once was a GardenWeb thread
Given up by its members for dead.
But as summertime waned,
And the brooding skies rained,
It woke up and again reared its head!


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by claire z6b Coastal MA (My Page) on
    Wed, Sep 21, 11 at 20:40

Oh no! cried the Garden Web horde;
nygardener must surely be bored.
Whoever manages to end
this frightening new trend,
will earn a stupendous reward.

Claire


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

Let us end this charade pretty puhleez
To wit I've shipped bones and grease
From a certain NY address
To the Compost Police, a mess
They'll have it shut down, desisted and ceased


:-] Kidding!


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

nyg's poetic juices are flowing
(I gather his corn has stopped growing).
But in Zones 9 and 10,
work's about to begin.
Our winter crops we must start sowing.


 o
RE: Compost Limericks...

  • Posted by hortster 6A southcentral KS (My Page) on
    Thu, Sep 22, 11 at 20:54

Truly, a great monster was created.
'Tis my hope that these limericks be abated.
Nygardener has twitched
From an unstoppable itch
That apparently can't be sated.


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