Bummer. :-(

Hi Elaine
Nope don't give her that, just set chores for each person attending including her. Hope that helps!
Alberta

I know exactly how you feel. My SIL was like that. I finally got fed up one time and handed her a towel and asked her to dry a few things. She handed it back to me and walked out of the room. So the next time they came down (and for many times after that), we ate out and everyone had to pay his own way. Now she jumps in and helps. As I look back on that time, I think she was so worn out from working, taking care of her kids and husband, who was no help at all, that she just felt when she came to my house, she could relax. (But since I worked and took care of a husband and kids, I didn't feel like all the work should be on me.) I realize this is not a solution for you since you can't very well eat out on Thanksgiving-just wanted you to know I've been there and was angry about it for weeks-until I realized that the only person stressed over it was me.

Do the men help with washing up too? I know at my grandparents' christmas dinners that all of the women do the cleaning up while the men sit around and chat. If that is the case then she might be feeling more like one of the guys. She may even feel that she isn't welcome in the kitchen and would be in the way. I don't feel comfortable helping out too much in my MIL's kitchen since she does cleaning in a completely different way then I do. Next time you have her over I would invite her to help with something small and simple to let her know that her help is appreciated. My grandmother started giving me little things to do in the kitchen (like drying silverware) and I gradually got the hint to pitch in with whatever needed to be done. Some of us just need a little extra push.

Elaine,
I know exactly how you feel. My SIL is just like that. Not only does she not help, she watches TV while her kids overrun the house and tear it up....

Two years ago, I got in her face and told her to help pick up the dishes. Do you know what she did? She looked me dead in the eye and said,
"You are lucky I am even here. I'm not cleaning up sh**."
So, I took the bottle of wine she was drinking and hid it under the sink. (our house, our wine)
Within the hour, they were gone. I hope your situation goes smoother than mine, maybe she doesn't realize you need help????

My little SIL (only 18) is the same way. She actually lived with us for several months at one time. I got sick of her sitting on her big fat butt, and not helping out, so I told her that I charge $25 an hour for maid service, so unless she pulled out her wallet, she needed to help out. Needless to say, I got paid $75 that week, and she moved out the next! lol She got the hint, but was so lazy, she didn't care.

I have had occasional problems with this as well, but I usually just say, "________ (insert name), would you mind ____________ (insert task) for me? Thanks a bunch." Then they have a choice - be nice or be a butt, but I don't look like the bad guy. I asked nicely. If I'm feeling really snarky, I ask loudly and in front of everyone...

-Joy