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I need to vent, I really do

Posted by albertar z6 LINY ( on
Fri, Nov 17, 06 at 16:45

Hey fellow winter sowers,
Ok, I'm grumpy, I'm fed up and I need to vent some. My parents are married 59 years, in May my dad took ill and has since been in a nursing home with alzheimers disease. We tried to bring him home, but he was home for 2 days and my mom got sick. He was home for a total of 2 weeks and we found we just could not care for him properly at home, so he went back to the nursing home and is there since. My mom applied for medicaid for my dad, mom then got sicker and has been hospitalized 10 times, different hospitals, different ailments, etc and is now back in the hospital since 11/2 with what is called C-Diff. Its similar to E-coli, and causes severe diarreah, note please mom is almost 83 and dad is 87. Applying for medicaid for the nursing home for dad has been the most unpleasant experience I've ever had to deal with, they wanted 3 years of back bank statements, ok, no problem, got them and submitted them, however there were numerous errors of deposits and though the bank agrees they were errors, they will not give me a letter to state that, they claim its not their policy. Eventually the errors were fixed, but its not where its explainable on the statements. The social worker refused to contact the bank manager so he could explain over the phone, she wants the errors in writing, the bank says, NO.

DSS also wanted copies of my parents life insurance policies, got them, and submitted them, the worker says its not good enough. Both my parents have been retired for a number of years, and my mom used to work for DSS. Long story short, here are my elderly parents, sick and not long for this world and this agency is refusing them help. I"ve applied for a fair hearing, but the bottom line is this...if they deny medicaid again, then my mom has to sell her house, that money will be used for my fathers care until it runs out and then medicaid will kick in. Two honest and upstanding american citizens being screwed over by the system. Thanks for listening.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: I need to vent, I really do

Stories like this scare and infuriate me. Our "system" is woefully inept, geared towards greed, and is a slap in the face to our elder population.
You have my sympathies.

RE: I need to vent, I really do

Argh! Bureaucracy. More important to keep your job - don't make waves - than do it. You have my empathy and outrage.

Realize you only expressed wish to vent, didn't ask for suggestions, but have you tried contacting your Congressman? Constituent service is part of their job, we & your parents pay for the staff to do it, cutting through red tape is a specialty.

Good luck & best wishes,

RE: I need to vent, I really do

What about getting 3 way calling on your phone line, and then getting the bank and the DSS office on the line together.

The medicaid situation should be able to be worked out for your dad.

Possibly a reverse mortgage would be in order for your mom.
They can be a good thing in the right situation, but you sure want to know all of the ins and outs of it, if your mom will someday be able to and want to go back to her home for whatever time she can.

You might address this over at Household Finances Forum,

I just did a search there for reverse mortgage, and there were 10 threads.

There is also a Retirement Forum, but it isn't very active, unlike Household Finances.

Have you talked to an attorney?

I hope you can manage to get it all worked out well.


Here is a link that might be useful: Household finance.

RE: I need to vent, I really do

I am so sorry you are going through this. I've gone through some of this with my family and it is amazing how time-consuming and frustrating it can be. When your dad goes on Medicaid, your mom gets to keep the house, the car, and a certain amount of money, but if I'm reading you correctly, you can't get him on Medicaid, right? Wow-what a mess-wishing you some luck coming your way-please keep us posted.

RE: I need to vent, I really do

I'm so sorry, Alberta. My 82 yr old Mom sold here home many years ago and now lives in a nice retirement home, living on her savings, which is dwindling quickly. She's been a widow for over 40 yrs and my parents never had much to start with. She has to file a financial disclosure with the retirement center every year or 2 and account for any missing money. Her only small life insurance policy ran out- she lived too long and the policy coverage period ended last year! She outlived the insurance. So once her money runs out I won't even get money to bury her! I'll have to pay for it. The good thing is that once she's there they guarantee to keep her for life on whatever Medicaid will pay them.(It's a religious affiliated one). Maybe you could find some help thru their church? If only for another source of help for cutting through the red tape. Or the Council on Aging? I know I will be in your shoes in the not-too-distant future and I sympathize with you.

I have seen this with other family members where their homes had to be sold, money spent on their living expenses until it runs out. Only then has government assistance been available. The beurocracy just makes the process of doing that so difficult.

My heart goes out to you.


RE: I need to vent, I really do

  • Posted by trudi_d 7, Long Island (My Page) on
    Sat, Nov 18, 06 at 21:05

Hi Alberta,

I always get satisfaction when I bring in the big guns.

Call this office and either they'll help you or should refer you to people who will.

Senator Hillary Clinton
District Address - Melville
155 Pinelawn Road, Suite 250 North
Melville, NY 11747
Phone: 631-249-2825
Fax: 631-249-2847

The link below may also be of an assistance of putting on the "squeeze".

Good luck,


Here is a link that might be useful: State opf NY Banking Consumer Help and Information

RE: I need to vent, I really do

alberta, if you are still experiencing problems, i agree, contact your state rep, local rep, congressman, senator's office, whoever will listen. and believe me, they have to get back to you. for that matter, i would inundate the white house with phone calls and letters.

also, was your dad ever in the service? if so, contact the veteran's administration benefits division and they will get involved as well and perhaps your dad would be entitled to service or non-service related benefits/pension.

medicare - the one thing that should be readily available when you need it and it's a joke to get anything pushed through. friggin government...makes me puke.

medicare is one of those affiliations that like to rubber stamp "denied" all over the place and then just when you are ready to give up jumping through hoops and submitting requests 3, 4 and 5 times, all of a sudden decide to give you what is your right to have.

best of luck to you.

RE: I need to vent, I really do

Alberta, I am sorry that this is such a difficult situation for you. In June when my mother entered assisted living South Dakota DSS was very helpful.

I hope you find a solution through some of the suggestions above.

Karen, I've never even heard of there being an endpoint to life insurance and outliving one's life insurance. I will have to check on ours.


RE: I need to vent, I really do

So sorry your family has to go through this during a time of need :(

...and get this. Our DSS in WA state is hiring call centers in India to handle some of their client (on the phone) services!! That boils down to less funding for their programs right here at home. No this isn't public knowledge either. I wonder how many other states are doing this?


RE: I need to vent, I really do

My grandparents were both in a nursing home and went at the same time. My mom and sister handled everything sinc they were closer but I do know that the social worker told my mama that if someone in the family was living in the house and didn't have anywhere else to go they wouldn't make them sell it. My parents lived in a mobile home next door so they sold it to my nephew and moved into the home. My mom passed away a few years ago but her mom is still alive and in the nursing home. My dad stayed in the house until last summer and then moved in with my brother. We are in the process of selling the home now. The money will then go to the government but that will be okay with us since the home has served it's usefullness for us.

As long as one of them is still in the home or can go back to it, they can't make them sell it to take care of the one in the nursing home.

I'm sorry you're having to go thru this. I hope it works out for you.

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